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In 117 days I will be 50. It's now or never.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by danzibar, Nov 26, 2023.

  1. danzibar

    danzibar Fapstronaut

    The challenge

    Enough is enough. Thirty years. Thirty, 'three-oh', years. 30! How has it come to this? Day after day after day - mornings, afternoons and evenings - porn, porn, porn. And much more besides, things that came after the porn but were fuelled by the porn, things I'm utterly ashamed of.

    So, I’m going to ‘reboot’. I'm going to NoFap. I'm joining the millions of others whom like me have become mired in the strong sticky tentacles that are sex addiction.

    I’ve been aware of the ‘cold turkey’ method to beating addictions for several years, the theory that if you can stop all sexual activity - Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm (PMO) - for 90 days (the number of days varies it seems) the brain, hitherto damaged by the supercharged sexual chemistries associated with porn, will eventually reset. The parts of the brain responsible for our sexual urges and pleasures, will return to something approaching their factory settings, and a person formerly unable to engage sexually with people in the real world (unless those encounters are highly novel, i.e. able to compete with the porn) will see the world, and the people who inhabit it, differently, before the internet and the porn sites infesting it, screwed everything up.

    That’s the theory, anyway. I’m going to give a go. I’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    The motivation

    I’m going to open up here.

    I don’t truly understand my sexuality. There, I’ve said it. The fact is, maybe because of the porn, I don’t if I’m straight, bi or gay. If pressed I identify as a straight man. However, nowadays, my genre of choice is mostly gay or trans porn. Only rarely does it include the viewing of females. This wasn’t always the case. Back in the early days, when I first started on the road to addiction, it was only ever women and, from what I can recall, it was very mainstream, sometimes it wasn't even explicit. However, as the years have passed, fuelled by the ceaseless chase for an ever greater high, my tastes have evolved. They’ve developed nuances and kinds and twists, taking me to places I never wanted to go, places where I would go only to get the next high. Even today, my tastes appear to be evolving. Only recently has the gay porn entered onto my viewing menu. Only a few years ago, I would never watch gay porn, but now it’s my go to genre to get a true high. This is how the brain works, right? It pushes a person to hunt for ever greater thrills, the usual things no longer hitting the mark.

    I now watch things that seemingly don't align with what I feel is my true identity and it's really messing my head up. I can't be sure who I am, because the porn has clouded my view of things.

    Look, I just want to be happy, we all do, right? Well, to be happy I need to pull down the veil that is porn (and sex) addiction, to see the world clearly, to learn who I am, what I've become.

    If we combine this with erectile dysfunction, i.e. my inability to maintain an erection without the thrill of the porn (even during sex) this is my motivation.

    Also, I’m getting old.

    Today is 26 November 2023. On 22 March 2024 I’ll be 50. That’s 117 days away from today.

    Turning 50 is a big deal for anyone. For me, turning 50 and better understanding who I am will be a massive - a game changer. I need to see clearly, for the first time in decades. The path to a life free of my addiction to porn, and the things that come with it, starts today.

    Wish me luck!
     
  2. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    I'm in my 40s and understand the impact of a 30+ year sex/porn addiction. It's absolutely devastating. However, there is definitely hope! We just have to be willing to take action! Recovery doesn't knock on our door unfortunately...and if you're an addict of my variety, you would require a complete 180.

    That being said, start a daily NoFap journal. Head over to the 'Reboot Journal' forum and get started under your age group. I contribute to my journal at least two times a day, but my first entry is ALWAYS first thing in the morning. I like to get my recovery on the forefront of my brain immediately after waking in the morning. I also pray to my higher power to keep me sober. Some are skeptics, but I have nothing to lose by praying and everything to gain...so I do it. I also communicate via private message to numerous like minded individuals in the community every day, throughout the day. Again, it keeps my mind, body, and soul engulfed in recovery. Eating a healthy diet and exercise are also tools I use to perpetuate a healthier state. Another simple tool I implement is reading a few pages of recovery literature. Again, these are all fairly simple tasks that I do everyday that increase my likelihood to stay sober.

    There are numerous other recovery tools you may find to help you along. I encourage you to find what works best for you. But whatever you find, stay consistent...even if you feel like you are "cured," keep doing what works. As an addict of my variety, cured is not in my vocabulary. However, I can recover as long as I take action and implement my recovery program in to my life one day at a time.

    This addiction is progressive as described in your post. It's a friendly reminder that things only get more complicated and more difficult to sustain. The progression is also very clear in my story, and it will only get worse...so today I choose to work a program of recovery with the hope and intention of staying sober one more day.

    Wishing you the best!
     
    danzibar likes this.
  3. KaiKimmich

    KaiKimmich Fapstronaut

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    Good luck!! It is astonishing how much influence porn has.
    It’s amazing the efforts we make in order to find the “best” porn for us. How we keep exploring, wasting hours and days, to find a proper climax. How we are just unable to detach from this thing. How it becomes our go to when we want to have some fun.

    I wish you all the best. I hope you would be able to recall your goal every day. I hope you will find solutions in the hard moments.
     
    danzibar likes this.
  4. danzibar

    danzibar Fapstronaut

    Thanks!

    So, taking your advice on the NoFap journal, I've made my first two entries. Unfortunately, despite only being 49, I've entered them in the over 50 age group. Clearly, I'm more anxious of the impending catastrophe that is the half century than I realised!!

    I'll likely also follow your steer on the timing for my journal entries. I'm finding that the intensity of the urge to PMO varies greatly throughout the day. The night time is when things become rather frenzied mentally, and I'm finding myself having to work incredibly hard to resist.

    I'm only three days in and already I'm missing PMO terribly. It's as if a huge part of me is missing. Am I actually mourning PMO like a loss..?! This utterly awful affliction has a tight grip that will undoubtedly take some undoing.
     
    kropo82 and GeorgeJetson like this.
  5. danzibar

    danzibar Fapstronaut

    Thank you. It's appreciated. Stay strong.
     
  6. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    Great job man! Glad you're taking suggestions...and more importantly, taking action. This is great news, and a great start to endless recovery possibilities.

    This is definitely a horrible addiction that only gets worse. The progressive nature is scary.

    I'm looking forward to reading more about your journey as well as your contributions to this community.

    Don't forget, there IS hope!
     
    danzibar likes this.
  7. Rainbow Warrior

    Rainbow Warrior Fapstronaut

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    It takes 90 days to reset your brain then rewired to go the way you want it to go.. I would recommend using this forum reading the success stories take bits from them and absorb them in your daily life, . You can set safety filters if you have an iPhone. Easily done. This website will help you. I’d recommend turning off your devices for each day and focus on walking and getting a job. Avoiding gluttony eat 2 small meals a day and avoid sugar.
     
    danzibar likes this.
  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Welcome!

    Do you want it moved?

    It will be difficult but you have taken big first steps, coming here, starting a journal, … Good luck.
     
  9. danzibar

    danzibar Fapstronaut

    No, it's fine. Thank you. Soon enough, it will be the right category for me anyway.
     
    kropo82 likes this.

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