The challenge Enough is enough. Thirty years. Thirty, 'three-oh', years. 30! How has it come to this? Day after day after day - mornings, afternoons and evenings - porn, porn, porn. And much more besides, things that came after the porn but were fuelled by the porn, things I'm utterly ashamed of. So, I’m going to ‘reboot’. I'm going to NoFap. I'm joining the millions of others whom like me have become mired in the strong sticky tentacles that are sex addiction. I’ve been aware of the ‘cold turkey’ method to beating addictions for several years, the theory that if you can stop all sexual activity - Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm (PMO) - for 90 days (the number of days varies it seems) the brain, hitherto damaged by the supercharged sexual chemistries associated with porn, will eventually reset. The parts of the brain responsible for our sexual urges and pleasures, will return to something approaching their factory settings, and a person formerly unable to engage sexually with people in the real world (unless those encounters are highly novel, i.e. able to compete with the porn) will see the world, and the people who inhabit it, differently, before the internet and the porn sites infesting it, screwed everything up. That’s the theory, anyway. I’m going to give a go. I’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain. The motivation I’m going to open up here. I don’t truly understand my sexuality. There, I’ve said it. The fact is, maybe because of the porn, I don’t if I’m straight, bi or gay. If pressed I identify as a straight man. However, nowadays, my genre of choice is mostly gay or trans porn. Only rarely does it include the viewing of females. This wasn’t always the case. Back in the early days, when I first started on the road to addiction, it was only ever women and, from what I can recall, it was very mainstream, sometimes it wasn't even explicit. However, as the years have passed, fuelled by the ceaseless chase for an ever greater high, my tastes have evolved. They’ve developed nuances and kinds and twists, taking me to places I never wanted to go, places where I would go only to get the next high. Even today, my tastes appear to be evolving. Only recently has the gay porn entered onto my viewing menu. Only a few years ago, I would never watch gay porn, but now it’s my go to genre to get a true high. This is how the brain works, right? It pushes a person to hunt for ever greater thrills, the usual things no longer hitting the mark. I now watch things that seemingly don't align with what I feel is my true identity and it's really messing my head up. I can't be sure who I am, because the porn has clouded my view of things. Look, I just want to be happy, we all do, right? Well, to be happy I need to pull down the veil that is porn (and sex) addiction, to see the world clearly, to learn who I am, what I've become. If we combine this with erectile dysfunction, i.e. my inability to maintain an erection without the thrill of the porn (even during sex) this is my motivation. Also, I’m getting old. Today is 26 November 2023. On 22 March 2024 I’ll be 50. That’s 117 days away from today. Turning 50 is a big deal for anyone. For me, turning 50 and better understanding who I am will be a massive - a game changer. I need to see clearly, for the first time in decades. The path to a life free of my addiction to porn, and the things that come with it, starts today. Wish me luck!