In a reboot but only the porn was a problem, but I still want my partner...

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ARL1989, Nov 30, 2019.

Can I be intimate with my man if I have given up the problem, My PA?

  1. Yes

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  2. Ni

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  1. ARL1989

    ARL1989 Fapstronaut

    I am on day 3 or 4 depending on the technicalities of
    Whether or not you count the intercourse I had with my partner, my problem with pornography was a childish issue that psychologically, unconsciously I would get angry with my partner due to the fighting of other circumstances we were facing constantly with my partner. I started resenting that horrible man that would fight with me all the time, not seeing all the good that he had done for me.

    When I didn't see him in the bad light, I saw him as the man that I fell in love with, the charming handsome man full of confidence and charisma.

    I do believe he was sufficient for me when everything was going great, the porn was the issue which drove the wedge between us, unknowingly all I needed to do was stop watching porn.

    As I sit here today in day 3 or 4, I crave my man's touch so much and I wish that I could have him intimately the way that I had him when everything was going great. I want to kiss him and hold him and make him feel my love, the love that I have for him since day one.

    Do you think that I need to do a hardcore reset, when all I need is, him and for him to still love me? I know I messed up but if things are great with us then things will be great with us sexually and I would no longer need to look at porn.

    This is just a question I'm not looking for a ticket out of doing the challenge completely, I just want to be intimate with my man.
     
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  2. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    So your SO fights with you a lot,which makes you use porn to spite him or because your fighting means you do not have sex so you are using porn as a sexual release? And you believe that if 'everything' was ok between you then your sex life would be great too which would mean you wouldn't 'need' to turn to porn? But also you think the porn was the thing which has created the friction between you?
    I would suggest the porn is not helping what sounds like a relationship which needs some attention.
     
    ARL1989 likes this.
  3. ARL1989

    ARL1989 Fapstronaut

    Let me put the entire story into context.
    We started dating - (I already had a PA), sex was great because we were great, (I began having PIED and or no ejaculation) the issues start with the fights because he feels I'm not sexually attracted to him, the fighting causes me to not want to be intimate with him so I end up watching more porn. (also the fights weren't always about the porn so in my head I didn't realize the porn was the problem - I just wanted the fighting to stop).
    Now there is a lot of back story as well as recreational drugs involved and it sounds completely f*cked up and it is but when all the drama and crap is stripped away, the relationship is really beautiful.
    That's why I am so dedicated to leaving my PA, that's why I'm so hurt when it feels like we are stuck in the hurt because I know that we know the root poison so we can get through this.
    Thank you for reading my babbles, it is a good feeling to have people who read what's on my mind and give some positive feedback.
     
    Nicko Stretch likes this.
  4. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Problem is, things will not always go great. That's the difference between a real life relationship and five minutes of a retouched porn video. Part of your job is to be loyal, loving and careful with your partner, even when you don't particularly feel like it. Even on days when he is rude and get on your nerves. Even when sex is shit, and he is shit. That's when your commitment comes in.

    Like a typical addict, you miss him when he is gone. Once he gets back, he will be day old bread and all you will want to do is firing up the computer, replacing him with your entertainment of choice. It's the boredom, frustration and depression you need to deal with and get used to. The more you work on that, the less problem it will be. The difference between an addict and a regular person is that a regular person let boredom, frustration and depression happen. They acknowledge it fully, do something creative and then move on. They never dwell, but most of all, they never flee.

    If you can be intimate with your SO during these 90 days, great, go ahead. If it doesn't work, do the full reboot. He will thank you for it.
     
  5. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    So does he know you have a PA ? Is he willing to support you while you recover? Are you willing to face the pain and discomfort of losing old habits and building new ones?
     
  6. ARL1989

    ARL1989 Fapstronaut

    I hear you completely, as said in another post, there is a lot not said that added to the frustration and fighting and I am not condoning my decisions and mistakes. I am merely basing my feelings on times where everything was great and I didn't watch porn as often as when things were bad, I can throw in the sentence of I wanted him to give up an addiction he was going through, that I part took in because of my love for him (and I also enjoyed it) and the more that addiction wasn't addressed and the fighting continued, I felt I didn't need to change myself. He has made it clear to me that he had the same mentality, I'm not changing my ways so why should he... Now we are both on the same page and we both want to fix the problem. I am sexually attracted to my partner, I was simply not attracted to the fights.

    @Nicko Stretch this should answer your questions, he definitely knew about the PA and I am more than prepared to change my habits (I have already begun) because my love for my partner is way more than the love for an addiction or porn for that matter.
     

  7. You can be intimate all you want! It's called soft mode reboot, just have plenty of sex and stay away from PMO!
     
    ARL1989 likes this.
  8. Mattybnewme

    Mattybnewme Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like there are bigger problems here I dont know have sex with him if you both want it.
     

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