in appreciation for a small victory...

I relapsed after 128 days (or so, I can’t recall). But, I didn’t binge! I limited my relapse to one single pmo! That was about a week ago or so. Well, you might ask, so what? Don’t we loose all our progress after a single relapse? Aren’t you back to square one?

No. I didn’t lose my reboot entirely.

It takes a long time to reboot but it also takes a bit of time to un-reboot. Here’s an analogy - pmo uncoils your mind like a spring. Up to the age you started to pmo, your mind was calibrated well, it was wound like a car’s shocks (a spring) to react healthily to the world’s bumps and jostles. At least mine was. I was happy and enjoyed life! When life got bumpy my mind easily adjusted. But as I progressed with pmo, my mind slowly uncoiled. Fantasy took over. I lost a sense of what was real or not real. I imagined people didn’t like me, were whispering about me. Looks from people became hostile. The world turned ugly. And when bad things happened I had to result to pmo. I could no longer handle life’s bumps!

So, as we “reboot” we are essentially recoiling our minds. After 128 days my mind was working better than it ha in decades! But I messed up and pmo’d. This was an unwinding. But the good news is I didn’t binge! I stopped and got back to nofap quickly and now, after a week, i feel like I did after 80 days! I relapsed but didn’t completely uncoil!

This was a good revelation for me. A small win. I now have no excuse to binge. Sometimes, I think I used a relapse as an excuse to binge because, well, why not?? I have to start over anyway, right?

So I’m going to continue my counter to a year and see how well I do, how few pmo sessions I have. I know this is a-typical but I think it’ll help me.

To be transparent I’m listing my any pmo or p use below my counter.

Thanks for reading. If you have any comments I’m definitely interested.

 

Glad to have you here, sumersingh!