In my 40s and still a virgin

For me the first couple days extending to a week of a streak is a real challenge for me. After that the desire to relapse fades away. So if we both have felt the same experience, yes it is normal.

Dating is difficult for everyone and that's just all the more reason why you have to try to make it work out for both of you. As far as the lack of sexual experience goes, you'll need to find someone who is willing to look past that.

 

Nothing wrong with getting a hooker. I know its frowned upon but It might even make you more confident around women.
Just my thoughts I know 90% of people will disagree.

 

Yeah getting a hooker is a horrible idea

 

That was quick.

 

Being virgin at 40s.. 50s.. is not something not normal. According to my society (middle east + south and east asia) it is about destiny, nobody cares about if it is normal or not, like usually people start thinking about getting into a relationship and getting married in 24-30.. after that it might need more effort to find a partner. But in your case, as a quick suggestion, maybe you need someone close to you from family, siblings, cousins that will help you in getting a good partner.

 

everything is normal......its just way of style
i am 22 .....always single .............never kissed anyone ........so normally a virgin..............
moreover we indians are quite orthodox........but still its person to person

 

A bit more insight to what your life is like in your 20s to 40s would help. You said you're shy around women you like and it seems like you're a bit passive in terms of searching for a partner. You said you tried and have gotten rejected, but how frequent was that? Did rejection cause you to become passive or neglectful in terms of finding a partner?

Don't focus on your age or the expectations of society. Just because your dating / sex / marriage / kids / whatever else doesn't match other people's time lines doesn't mean that your life is wrong. The problem is that you do want a partner and it hasn't been happening. Let's focus on that.

As for getting a hooker, that's just avoiding the problem... like settling for porn. You might get confidence from that, but why not face the actual problem and gain confidence that way? Having sex with a paid prostitute leads you to avoid dealing with the uncertainty and difficulty of interacting with an actual person that can choose whether or not to accept you.

You have to be willing to change your life and not just wait for things to happen.

Where do you meet women? How often? What hobbies and interests allows you to meet people in general? What are you doing to improve your shyness? Do you understand attraction, women, and interacting with people in general?

You have to have a plan and a routine to put in the work that causes change. Dating is a numbers game. You have to learn to deal with rejections and uncertainty. Men that are great with women approach women in higher numbers. For example, approaching 100 women and getting rejected by 50. Whereas someone that isn't so good will approach 3 and get rejected by 1. Being able to find someone you're mutually compatible with takes work.

You can't just wait around, approach a woman in a timid way, and get rejected once every month or so. Time can either promote you or expose you. You at this point of your life are realizing that time has exposed you in terms of relationships due to neglecting certain things.

 

Like the previous post, you have to be more frequent in approaching women if you want to succeed. It's like that in every area as you probably know already. I've had two girlfriends so far, and i'm almost 22 years old. I think the key for being consistent on approaching women despite of getting rejected is nofap. It certainly gives you the extra boost when approaching them. Also, women notice when men do PMO on a regular basis. It seems that they can sense the energy you are putting out there. So my best advice is to keep strong and abstain from PMO. You will eventually see things coming your way. Wish u best of luck brother.

Gideonite

 

I was born a virgin and i'm gonna die a virgin ! unless i really find someone special.

 

Being virgin at 40 is not very common. I guess everyone here agrees.

But it is perfectly normal. Being normal too be 60 years old and alone if you decided to be alone. It's strange if you don't want to be alone and nevertheless you are.

You said you kind of seek women but by your style of writing I think you didn't put much passion in seeking woman. Like you're searching a good place to park your car... Dunno, these things must be sought with passion, IMO.

I too am virgin, 31 years old, but it's perfectly normal because I dismiss girls on purpose, I've done that last week! I want to be alone so it's normal. If being lonely makes you unhappy, then you must re-evaluate your priorities. In fact, only you have the answer.

 

Only one thing is worse than being lonely: bad company.

 

Congrats on your 90 days! Big achievement!! Keep going strong, god bless you.

Gideonite

 

i wish that there were more free websites that offer guidance to improve understanding and attraction of women. Perhaps looking around for some practical info on the web or recommended books will improve general approach. Met my first gf at age 38 by reading up and trying some things. A hearty nofap attempt gave me the enthusiasm to apply some things that i read about.

 

This is just me, was 32yo virgin - in my experience women are very negative about it!

Some women seemed to be very interested in me, but when they found out, they were not interested.
For example she asks about your last girlfriend or she notices how shy you are, can´t naturally hold eye-contact etc.

I feel many women will immediatly dump you for being inexperienced, even if they had high interest before.
It is a vicious cycle, you don´t even have to be ugly to be in it.

 

Interesting feedback! It demonstrates that the commonly held view that women are less interested in the physical side to sex and are looking for someone that makes them feel loved and wanted and protected. If they are rejecting you because you are sexually inexperienced, they are clearly more interested in sex than they will generally admit!

 

Depends on the women, some are asexual and wouldn´t care about sex - but you will, sexually, not have much fun with them either.

 

Lol!

A woman like this wouldn't.

 

I do think it's rare to not have had a single date by your 40's but it's ok. It's better to be in your position than to be stuck in an abusive marriage. I remember Pastor Philip Wagner saying, 'For every unhappy single person there's an unhappily married person'. I expect there are people in a relationship who would give anything to be in your position. I was 31 when I had my first girlfriend. The relationship lasted 2 years and there were good times and bad times. With a relationship it's nice to have someone who you can talk to and that someone has a genuine interest in you. But equally so a girlfriend can put a lot of pressure on you and it's so easy to say the wrong that results in them being mad at you for a whole day. I would like to have a girlfriend in the future but there's good things about being single. Maybe you could try some dating sites, it might help. But having a girlfriend won't necessarily make you happy, in fact it's possible having a woman in your life could make you very unhappy.

 

I am 29 and a virgin, I've probably posted about this subject before on various parts of these forums, but I don't mind repeating myself. When I turned 29 I freaked out about not wanting to be a virgin at 30. I asked someone out and got rejected, so I joined a bunch of dating apps/sites including one dodgy one which was essentially and online escort agency-type thing that tried to scam me. I google "selling my virginity" and was desperate to get something done about it... about a month later I started NoFap.

Cut to now and, yes I still feel that initial rejection from the first time I asked someone out but my attitude has changed somewhat; I realized over the course of doing NoFap for the first time that I needed to work on myself if I genuinely wanted to go out and find someone, yes it hasn't gone perfectly and by the time I'm 30 I might still be a dateless virgin, but at least by then, with the help of NoFap and a few other things I might be more comfortable. This goes for any virgins of any age; don't accept IT but accept yourself and approach losing it your own way, no pressure.