In my 40s and still a virgin

It's such a petty thing. As if there's something to be guilty or ashamed about.

It's really just a fear of judgement from others.

The day you lose your virginity, there won't be a victory festival in your honor. Nobody will care. Then you'll find some other thing you're seemingly missing that you need to feel better about yourself.

When you compare your timeline with others with different life circumstances and journey, you end up doing things out of fear and desperation.

Do it because you want to explore, connect, and share with others. Not to protect yourself from the fickle and petty opinions of others.

 

This seems to be a very religious board, so 90% seems about accurate.

However, in this case I would say they're not necessarily wrong. Why develop a taste for something you can't have?

 

The virgin tag should be no big deal to you personally, (there are lots of downsides to being sexually active), but is a big red flag for most chicks. It says that no one else has ever thought you the best of their currently available options. Of course there's no reason to advertise that status.

But that doesn't really matter if you can't hold eye contact. No one's getting laid without that, virgin label or not.

 

For virgin guys: BUY AN ESCORT! I'm 18, got NO pussy in high school, had ZERO dating experience, and a few months after I graduated I decided to find an escort and had an awesome experience. Don't be discouraged.

 

You can have it it just takes longer to get it. Its just a fast track to the sex. Ive seen too many people on nofap acting like sex is bad unless its with someone you love. Its porn and masturbation that's bad for you not a bit of that puuuusaay.

 

get a hooker, it might increase your confidence around women. yeah it might destroy you first of all but it will also rid you of this feeling you are feeling mate.

 

BUT remember you're also cheating the dating market by paying for sex, but at the end of the day sex is just a transaction so either way you're fucked

 

There is no cheating of the dating market, it's not a game where everyone gets a fair shot. The decision of "do I want to fuck him" is made up in the first few seconds.

Some dudes are in no matter what, some are out no matter what, most have to work like mad dogs or "get lucky", which is code for "settle" which sounds bad, but it more accurately described as "happen upon a girl that has recently obtained a realistic idea of her sexual market value REALLY is".

 

Q for you. How long is too long? At what point do you just say "fuck it", and focus your attention on something else that might be more rewarding?

 

I went to a hooker and could not perform, she was a bit annoyed and told me, why not cut off my useless dick. I tried more hookers and they would not even give me a little kiss - I was even more destroyed. I wish I could make my first experiences undone.

I could fap for hours, up to 7 times a day, but could not get it up with real attractive women, so it is no physical problem.

Then another hooker, couldn´t see her face online, but she had such a cute and soft voice on the phone, shy girl?
When I saw her, my jaw dropped to the floor, my dreamgirl! After some conversation and cuddling she kissed me, was a bit overwhelmed and said whoa this was my first kiss - she didn´t believe me and continued to make out. And I could perform.

After that I had several great experiences with her and with other women.
My confidence with women is better now, for example I really enjoy holding eye contact.

Downside is, if you have too many bad experiences, you will be destroyed and you can catch dangerous STDs.
Or you may fall in one-sided love.

 

In case you missed it the first time, paying for sex is a horrible idea. It will wreck you. Sex is not a service or a product.

 

How does paying to have sex give you confidence?

If you want a real relationship, you're going to have to deal with rejection. People not behaving, reacting, or treating you in ways you expected. Dealing with tension and uncertainty. Putting in effort to make a partnership work.

How does a sex worker prepare you for that? Might as well go back to porn. You can also go to 3rd world countries and contribute to the thriving economy of human trafficking. You'll get more mileage on your money and have a lot more choices. Good job on taking the easy way out.

 

TLTR: virgin+porn addiction+hooker=awesome first time
will probably not work, be prepared for more depression - but it´s not impossible it will give you confidence.

Most men pay for sex, often they just don´t want to realize it.
They will raise the mailman´s children and lose everything in divorce.

It is a bit sad, if you have to go to hookers out of desperation. But it doesn´t have to be terrible, for example tyler here said, he had an awesome experience.

Especially one girl is really cute to me, we have great conversation, holding hands, gazing in our eyes (her eyes smile), gentle kissing and petting for hours and have great intimate sex - she makes me feel so happy. She repeatedly doesn´t care when the paid time is multiple times over, so I pay like 20 bucks when other girls would get 100, she even agreed we meet for free (hobby/travel together).

It gives me confidence that some of the girls seem to actually like me. Confident that I can perform now and that they show no signs of disgust, but seem to enjoy my caressing, massages,.. and that those high libido girls WANT cock.
Or why would that first girl be upset I could not get my dick up? Easy cash for some petting?

 

Missing your logic there.

You tell the girl you want your dick sucked, she tells you what she charges. You agree, she sucks you off, you pay her.

What part of that isn't a service?

 

There are guys who don't effort, let's be sincere. They just go to parties, and there they get laid. They do little amount of effort, while the mayority of us doesn't has that gift. And more plausibly, those guy are some kind of jerks.

 

I honestly would kinda agree with you, but I also think losing your virginity to a hooker is just terrible. I mean, given his age it might be a pretty good idea, but losing your virginity to a hooker probably wouldn't feel very great emotionally, at least I wouldn't do it. Sad truth is once you reach a certain age, I think most women would think too much about it. I mean, I could be wrong, but I really think a lot of girls would frown upon a guy being past 30 and a virgin. I was 23 and I think girls looked down upon it, at least I felt like they did. Definitely raised some red flags. So, typically I'd advise against a hooker, but given your age, maybe it's not such a bad idea dude. Nothing wrong with being a 46 year old virgin, but even non-virgin 46 year olds probably have a time finding girls their own age that aren't married or something. Just keep your head up man. Sex is great, but if it's meaningless it can leave you feeling pretty empty afterwards.

 

I honestly think it's true that nice guys finish last. Never, and I mean NEVER, have I seen a guy keep a girl when he was being nothing but nice to the girl, never argued with her, treated her like a princess and all that shit. Girls don't seem to like nice guys, at least not the girls I've met. They like guys who are assholes, in general. That very well may be a problem for a majority of guys here. I'll read a post on here about some guy who was just as sincere and as kind as can be and the girl turned him down or just wasn't interested. Most girls just don't like that shit. It's a cruel, strange world when a woman complains about only meeting assholes who treat them like shit, then they turn around and reject all the nice guys that are giving them 100 percent of their attention. It's just how it is.

 

I feel one of the characteristics women like most is, when the man is very confident.

But yeah, the jerks seem to have an even more easy time attracting women - maybe because there are many female jerks too and they match each other?

Little story from the virgin: I tried it one time myself in a bar and talked like a jerk and it worked, she wanted to make out with me and probably more. I didn´t let her and she poured her drink on my lap. In my jerk-role this didn´t impress me, I picked up the lemon-slice on my lap, touched her cheek with it and licked her cheek. Now she wanted to make out even more. But I went home alone.

 

What are you guys talking about?

Are you trying to tell me that you've never met people that date or are married where the man doesn't treat the woman like shit?

Look harder and surround yourself with better people.

Don't blame jerks or women that are attracted to such people. Some women like that and some women don't. So don't fall into such victim mentality.

You can be confident, assertive, mature, and secure while treating a woman right. When you talk about nice guys finishing last... it's usually the people who act the way they think the woman will like them for. So they idolize them and never argue. Anything to get her validation. Any sort of manipulation to sneak their way into their real intentions. It comes off as fake and desperate. That's why they finish last.

 

Hope I will find them, that I just had bad luck and good times will come.

I want to give another example:
A guy I knew had zero respect for women, he would tell me for example ALL of them are just whores.
And I watched him how he would approach girls:
While insanely confident, telling the girl that she looked at him. That she probably wants to see his cock, he will show her etc. the face of the girls would turn red as a tomato when he talked like that - he was fucking like rabbits, sometimes 2 girls one day.

I personally don´t make general bad assumptions about women, everyone of them is an individual - to me it just seems to be true, that jerks have many girls matching them.