In need of expert advice

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by jest, Oct 5, 2018.

  1. jest

    jest Fapstronaut

    My posts are always long and there's tons of information here, apologies, but it's my situation and I could use some help from people in a similar one.

    I went for 115 days no PMO last year and I got out of the P cycle, I've also taken out videogames (41 days free), violent/horror tv shows and movies, got a vegetarian diet going, waking up at around 9 every day, exercised twice a week for 6 months, I walk about 8000 steps daily, meditate daily, cold shower daily, reduced stress significantly and started learning new fun things. Got HOCD but now that's also gone.

    On top of this I've also stopped talking to women online and triggers/fantasization are practically null. Oh yeah and I got an AP group going which doesn't seem to be working. I even told my mom about my P addiction (just the P part, even though that's gone).

    But I can't seem to get out of the MO cycle now, I relapse every week or so. Sometimes I go for 2 weeks, then relapse.

    I find myself romanticizing the addiction, or trying to get an erection just for the sake of it and my brain also thinks that I must explore different ways to reach a more satisfying O.

    I'm really fed up with all this, I've read countless articles and watched so many videos and tried so many different things and I always fall into the same pit. I also stopped caring for finding a girlfriend and having sex, that doesn't solve the problem, I want to be in complete control of my energy and transmute it into my work, women are a waste of time.

    I don't want to be more social or do all sorts of crazy activities, I'm a freelancer artist and game developer and I'm fine with flying solo and having peace and quiet. I just want this MO cycle gone for good, like how P simply went away. Wet dreams also happen often and I don't know how to get rid of them.

    Any thoughts on this?
  2. Mike Bonanno

    Mike Bonanno Fapstronaut

    I feel you Bro!

    This is probably your brain adapting to a new, normal dopamine level and what your going through is a combination of starting flatline and withdrawal symptoms. If your constantly exploring new ways to reach ways to get more satisfying O, this sounds very much like an search for yet another dopamine high.

    My suggestion is to try focusing anything else in life than porn or sex, cause that's what I did in that same situation and it worked. At least to me. Get a new hobby or revive an old one. Minimize your screen time outside work to minimize temptations and go for a walk for example. Put your headphones on, crank up that Best-Song-In-existence-of-human-kind and get your heart pumping. This does two things:
    1) You get to burn off that excess restless energy you have, and
    2) It's much easier to concentrate your thought into what you're doing instead of constantly thinking about abstaining.

    Or, you can do something else that demands your whole focus instead of thinking sexual things. Michael Schumacher (famous F1 driver) once said that he used to fly RC-helicopter before race just to get his focus out of that race so he could relax. He said "If you're not focused on that helicopter whole time, it's gonna crash. You have to concentrate your mind solely to keep that thing in the air so you just can't think anything else".
    I use same method myself. I can't afford an RC-helicopter but I go for a walk and if I'm particularly anxious I do some push ups during walk.

    I don't know whether this helps you or not, but give it a try and stay strong Brother. You can do this and we're all here to help you :)

    - Mike

    EDIT: I'm an IT entrepreneur myself so I know how hard it is to stay away temptations when you're sitting by yourself day in day out ;)
    jest likes this.
  3. Pinetree

    Pinetree Fapstronaut

    Hmm, what's a more satisfying O? Aren't all orgasms the same ?

    What's an erection for the sake of it ?
  4. gagate

    gagate Fapstronaut

    You need to do a particular sadhana to reach your goal, it seems you want to give up sex altogether if not sexual lust altogether to achieve something higher, so you have my admiration.

    I've seen nobody on this board that says has 0 sexual desire even in front of beautiful women so chances are nobody can help you.

    Getting at that level can be achieved solely through heavy spiritual practice, it's not on the internet westernians have no idea about this.

    In order to achieve complete absence of sexual lust in mind, tongue, ears, mouth you need to realize Divine Love towards all human beings, which is easier to be said than to be done.

    Maybe PM I can give you some guidance
    jest likes this.
  5. jest

    jest Fapstronaut

    I believe I've done something like this long ago, way before I realized I had a PMO problem. I had been diagnosed with "early stages of depression" and my mind was going around like crazy, overthinking and having hundreds of depressing thoughts in short amounts of time. I actually picked up a puzzle game back then and I remember feeling focused and relaxed for the duration of it.

    Pretty interesting knowledge there, not too sure of what to do these days, perhaps Ill try the same thing. I hope that it works long-term though as opposed to only temporarily supressing thoughts or something.

    Either way I appreciate the reply and it's always good knowing what famous, successful individuals do and picking up their habits as well!

    @Pinetree Brother that probably means you can't really help me, if you (and possibly others) haven't struggled with these issues then I do not wish to go into detail, as it might spawn new problems.
    Mike Bonanno likes this.
  6. livingthedream

    livingthedream Fapstronaut

    From where I stand you are rocking it! Obviously everyone's goals are different but take a step back and see how far you've come!!! I don't know how long you were hooked on PMO but if it was a long time then you're doing great and will need to give it more time. Just keep up the good work and you'll get there. Our behaviors weren't learned at the snap of a finger and they won't change at the snap of a finger either. Know that you're doing great and keep aiming for longer and longer periods of time.
    jest likes this.
  7. StormsSankIn

    StormsSankIn Fapstronaut

    Part of your conflict is the continued identification with the sex process - is it really you? A woman doesn't lay claim to her monthly ovulation cycle, she knows it is nature working its agenda through her body. Sometimes I think men forget it is the nature of the male sexual energy itself.. it is power and we like to identify ourselves with it, to lay claim to it as 'us', as opposed to seeing it as something working through us.

    I think you should investigate the idea of accepting your place in nature. You've obviously put tremendous energy towards bettering yourself and achieving what is in all fairness quite close to the optimal frequency for an active male, especially in the modern world, and for that you should take it as inspiration to keep going;

    You could try celibacy for a period of time, I mean you don't have to masturbate.. you are in control of your body after all, hands don't work themselves. For that you have divest yourself of sex from the mind, or at least strip much of the identification with it. Desire will remain, unless you become enlightened, but even then the impulses still remain (but you remain totally free of them).. it is part of the arrangement of being a human being, we are here to reproduce, that is what nature has programmed us for. You need to make peace with that fact my friend.

    I've done two 6 month celibate streaks, and I'm starting another one now. The first month or so can be turbulent but at around the 4 month mark you start to enter into quite a powerful and peaceful state. But sex is always there, it will always have a direct pipeline into your mind.. the trick is turning away from it, not getting caught up in it, indulging it, playing with it. It can be done but it requires humility on your part too.. not to beat yourself up if you wobble.. understand that you are an animal and don't ever forget that fact.

    Understand though that even with celibacy it is not forever. You can take a break but it is part of your make up until you die. Make peace with that and you'll make some good progress - your frustration has become a rationalization.
    jest likes this.
  8. jest

    jest Fapstronaut

    Thanks man that's very motivational, I've always been a perfectionist and in need of fixing things quickly, I know that I've made progress but I'm usually at a loss these days and tend to forget that.
    I was indeed hooked for a very long time (probably since 11-12 years old or something), all because a friend introduced me to the notion heh, so this has been holding me back for a long while and now that my job calls for all of my energy I can't stand the fact that I waste it on MOing.
    Thank you for the kind words though, I hope you're doing well yourself!

    Thanks for this, very insightful! You're right, although I think some enlightened individuals can practice celibacy indefinitely? I don't plan on staying celibate for eternity, but I'm aiming to stay celibate until I reach success/a better version of myself, at least.

    I don't know where the identification with sexual ideas comes from, I think maybe I've been taught since a young age that real men must be highly sexual or something along those lines - which now I know to be some bs along with most of my old beliefs.

    Also congrats on those long streaks brother I hope to be able to get to that level eventually.

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