In Need of Help, Desperate Infact

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Josh Black Koira, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. Josh Black Koira

    Josh Black Koira New Fapstronaut

    Well, here it is. I'm an addict. By every term and definition. I've been needing to tell anyone but I have reclused because of PMO addiction and have no community or trust.

    The use of P*rn started out healthy and normal albeit I was young but it took a steep decline in my adolescents and as a young adult it is severely worse. I used to have regular relationships and courting, nice dates and romance. As they ended the p*rn use increased and the escapist tactic of "self pleasing" became a daily priority in my life, now it's no longer voluntary.

    I sleep for well into double digit hours because I'm so exhausted after full on hour after hour of p*rn consumption. This has hindered every aspect of my life, failing grades in college, inability to start or finish anything and I lost my job. I have tried to bargain with myself but I fail every time I try to stop, I need external help and new principles, standards and morals. I have severe social anxiety and I lost all confidence because of constant fapping. I've even lost weight and instead of working out I eat comfort food out of fap induced guilt and depression. I'm hoping to regain them and retake my life... it's both a relief and a burden to admit addiction right now but it's true. If I continue the PMO lifestyle I will lose all dreams and aspirations, I will fall short of my life goals or worse. Thank you for reading and any response(even criticism) is welcome and appreciated.
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  2. vineyard

    vineyard Fapstronaut

    Hi @Josh Black Koira , warm welcome to NoFap, you are in the right place. Thank you for your post, it is moving.

    What I could advise at first is reading and searching through the forum as much as possible. You will definitely find stuff which perfectly relates to your here and now problems, at the end of the day, stories of many of us are similar. Problems are similar. So are solutions. You can model them to your life. And you can ask questions.

    So search, ask for advise and keep abstained. I also recommend starting a journal, even in the form of trashcan where you put all difficult emotions. It helps, for me journal is backbone of my reboot.

    All the best and good luck!
    Josh Black Koira likes this.
  3. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

    You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

    Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
    Josh Black Koira likes this.

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