Hello guys, I have tried many things to kick this addiction but nothing has worked. I have had a few successful streaks ranging from three months to about three weeks but there has always been something that has resulted in relapse. Since childhood, I have had a warped view of sexual thoughts and a belief that women love sex all the time (most likely through early porn use). I once read on this site that in order to truly free yourself from addiction you must deal with the root causes, and in regards to that, I am clueless about where to begin. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas I would love to hear them. Thank you very much in advance.
Welcome to the forum. NoFap is a good place to seek advice and support. I wouldn't have made progress I did without it. It's very hard to sum up what is needed to break free of addiction cycle in just a few words and mind you, we're pretty much work in progress ourselves, so take any advice from us with a grain of salt. "Be open to everything, but attached to nothing." I can describe what has worked for me (17 years of binge PMO and 25 years of compulsive MO addiction, 38yo) and you can take from it whatever you find useful.
1. DESIRE TO CHANGE
First, addiction is an addiction, no matter if it's nicotine, alcohol, opioids or compulsive addictive behaviors like PMO. Basic brain processes behind them are pretty much identical. That's important, because you have to realize you have a long painful battle in front of you if you want to break free. I made a mistake of underestimating the problem for decade which resulted in decade of failures. It will take all you've got to do it so you really need to adopt "whatever it takes" mentality when you decide that you need to stop.
2. KNOWLEDGE AND INFORMATION
Educate yourself about addiction, this forum, YT, SA, counseling, books. Learn from people who were heavily addicted and break free. They are full of knowledge and know first hand what it takes to break free. The YT channels that help me are
Tim Johnson and
Ryan Donnelly. I really recommend watching Tim's videos from start to finish (I watch 1 to 3 a day and learn), but also Ryan, God rest his soul, has been very helpful in the first months of abstention. You can also find some additional info in my
journal
3. SELF DISCIPLINE AND DETERMINATION
This means doing the things you know you need to do because they're good for you, but are very uncomfortable and painful to do. We grow through pain.
"Today's pain is tomorrow's strength."
You've got to change your thoughts, lifestyle (behaviors, routines, diet...) You've gonna have to face fears, painful emotions and past traumatic memories that led you to seek escape in addiction.
Remember that your worst day in recovery is way better than your best day in addiction =
DETERMINATION is crucial to successful recovery.
4. FIND SUPPORT
Be it on-line groups like NoFap, accountability partner, YT channels, SA, counseling, friends, family … Whatever works for you. The important thing is to have someone/somewhere to turn to when "shit hits the fan". For me it was this this forum and Tim, you might prefer other options.
5. PATIENCE & CONSISTENCY
Recovery journey is a long old road, a marathon, not a sprint. You're not gonna feel better overnight. You're gonna have to go through a lot of pain and unresolved trauma. Some days you're gonna feel lousy and that's gonna go on for months. You're gonna experience insomnia, feel exhausted, depressed, anxious… You're gonna have to BATTLE THROUGH IT. It's gonna be bloody painful at times so you have to accept the pain and suffering in advance. They are part of recovery, there's no way around them but to endure. You've gotta be
CONSTISTENT (eat right food, exercise, getting fresh air, sunlight, keep seeking advice, knowledge no matter how bad you feel at a given day). Just hold on. You might not notice much progress but it gets better every day.
For the first 3-4 months of abstinence the most important steps you can take to help you endure these months are very basic but not as easy as they seem on paper:
1. Sleep -> 7-9 hours of sleep per night preferably between 11pm and 2 am (very difficult to achieve if hit by insomnia which unfortunately is very common in the first months of abstention)
2. Diet -> no/minimal processed food, no food with added sugar, no alcohol, 2-4 liters of fresh water per day, lots of fruits and vegetables (I have 3 different fruits per day rule)
-> supplements: Omega-3 (fish oil), vitamin B complex, Vitamin D3, minerals Zn, Ca, Mg, K
3. Exercise -> daily aerobic exercise is crucial to get your daily dopamine fix. It will countermeasure brain's dopamine deficiency state to some extend. I exchange between walking/running and cycling as
they are easily accessible and free but you might prefer other forms of exercise.
4. Goals -> Don's just focus on counting the days. Set yourself easily achievable short, medium and maybe also long term goals you'd LIKE (liking it is important) to achieve and focus your mind on them rather than abstention
alone. This way you'll avoid something called "ego fatigue". Abstention is hard work for addicted brain and as time goes by your will power will fatigue. If you set yourself desirable goals, your
brain will refocus from abstention to completing the given task. It's a trick neuroscientist recommend when battling with addiction.
You can start searching for and addressing root causes of your addiction after 3-4 months of abstinence (I personally needed 5-6 months to start doing that), maybe even seek professional help with it, but the first months of recovery will be hard enough by itself, so just hold on and focus on developing routine over sleep/diet/exercise/achieving set goals. That way you will build strong foundations for your further deeper recovery.
