In terrible stage, and needing assistant

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Min, Nov 16, 2015.

  1. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

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    Hi All,

    I'll start a little from beginning and then lead to what I'm doing right now and where I am.

    As being virgin in mid 20s I couldn't point a finger on what seems to be the issue. Since January this year I've learned about NoFap and realized I have a problem and needs fixing right away. Ever since I've tried to quit but relapsed every week or so, my personal best record was 2 weeks so far and I really focused hard to get to 2 weeks, eventually relapsed in anger. Last month in October I got so pissed off at myself for not being able to prove myself who I am I broke the mirror in the bathroom with my fist. On Halloween I've decided to do it, for real this time. It's been 16 days so far, which means I just broke my previous record and keep going, but now I'm having mood swings, feeling depressed. At the mean time I went on a date with this very nice girl and now since I'm in mood swing mode I may make her flee or something. She's already starting to lose interest, and I'm not my worst shape mentally to see what I can do. However, I just convinced myself if she leaves, she leaves. I can't really throw away my dedication just so I can be with her, even if I do she might leave too, so I won't risk. Fortunately, I'm staying strong and not letting it pass me. I'm going threw these for past week, feeling absolutely down. I need to focus on work, but for now I'm just going easy on it. However, also being alone with barely few friends it's a lot harder. Right now I keep wanting to talk to someone, so I spend my time on some social media apps that keep you anonymous to other users. I had some pity chat, but better than nothing. If I can hold this off for another 14 days I think I'll regain my mentality. Wish me luck! And I really hope this girl stick around, I actually really like this one :/

    Any comments, suggestion, advice are more than welcome :)

    Thanks guys
     
  2. Picfiend

    Picfiend Fapstronaut

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    Hey Min, i can relate to the feelings you're having at the moment but don't give in to them. Don't let them take over and as you rightly said, you cannot throw away your dedication just like that. You've been strong for a long time now so you just need to keep focused and keep busy. Don't give in bro, there are comrades all over this forum, we're all in this together.
     
  3. Yes, I can relate to this. I recently went through the mood swings myself after my longest streak yet. They lasted for about 10 days, but I suppose it's different for everyone. Persevere and you'll stabilize eventually. It gets better, you're not going crazy. : )

    My advice about the girl, such that it is coming from a 26 year old virgin, is that there will be plenty of other women in your life. It's not the end of the world if she isn't interested; you certainly aren't at your best right now, so don't take it personally. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to improve yourself while flitting between relationships. I don't normally encourage being passive, but given your current emotional instability this might be a skirmish won by retreating.
     
  4. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    16 days is nice. I got to day 37, when I was feeling bad I went to sauna, there was sometimes naked girls it's nice. And when I felt like shit who won't have a girlfriend even after nofap I smoked a cigarette.
     
  5. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

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    One thing that gets me down is I just learned that people who lose their virginity late they will have a lack of performance in sexual activity later on, such as erectile dysfunction or so. Any opinion on this fact?
     
  6. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    It's true from my experience. You cannot suppress your sexuality for more than ten years and then expect to be a sexual tiger.
     
  7. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    Nonsense.

    How much fight have you got OP? Anyone can turn their life around...focus on making small changes consistently to improve your day to day habits. For instance, I'm working on my social anxiety and force myself to make conversation with five strangers every day. Feeling yourself improving is like am epiphany- it's always a choice!
     
    Deleted Account and Asgardian36 like this.
  8. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

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    ChefBoyXo, you are correct. I just found out if you have a healthy body and mind you won't go through that, and also if you have masturbated before, so there is that.

    And also these mood swings are killing me. Feeling real terrible and still girl still sticking around but won't see me till end of the month. I don't know what the deal is anymore. Just gonna work and let the days pass till I can get back on track.
     
  9. Ameson2015

    Ameson2015 Fapstronaut

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    Well the lack of experience might make it hard to impress some slut who has been with 20 other guys before you, but that's not really something to aspire to. Good sex is about connection and enthusiasm not technique.

    I'd say you gotta focus on working to build yourself up first. Self improvement should be your priority. Until you've developed some confidence and self-esteem for yourself - any relationship you get into is going to be a disaster. So many people are depressed, leading mediocre lives, not achieving anywhere near what they're capable of - and they think finding a girlfriend is going to boost them up and fix all that. No way. A relationship just makes you more of what you already are. If you're depressed and have low self-esteem you'll just attract someone else in the same state.
     
  10. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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  11. fulano

    fulano Fapstronaut

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    Min, that doesn't make sense.

    As I lost my virgnity when I was 21, when I read your statement I looked for the "science" about this.
    In fact, Losing Virginity Later Linked to Sexual Problems.

    But, learn this for life: correlation does not imply causation.

    In the very article is written: "Our results do not allow for causal interpretations," the study authors write.

    That is, the two things are linked, but one doesn't cause another.

    That makes sense. Probably you're still virgin because of anxiety problems. Anxiety also causes sexual problems like premature ejaculation or ED. Because of that they are linked, but again, one is not the cause of another.

    So, don't worry about the fact that you're still virgin and that is a curse for life. It is not. Work on your self improvement, and that will solve both problems.
     
  12. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

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    So basically what I'm reading from most of you here; you are rather suggesting that my issue seem to be more of a psychological/mental related problem, correct? Which has nothing to do with NoFap whatsoever or it could be both?

    I don't believe I have anxiety or depression, at least I don't see it myself. But it may seem like you guys can see it. However, I do go to parties, interact with people, have no problem speaking my thoughts or anything. I'm also not gonna lie, I do isolate myself most of time, but that may seem like what I've been used to.

    In fact, just FYI I had many opportunities in getting laid, only that I have rejected almost all of them, by choice. Because my goal isn't just to have sex, I'm looking to have sex with someone I'd have spent time with, I'd care about. It may seem cheesy, but that's been my choice so far.
     
  13. fulano

    fulano Fapstronaut

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    Well, I think your problem can be both: psychological/mental related and NoFap. In fact, in this case, NoFap may be a big cause for psychological problems.

    But I think that you're good. You go to parties, talk to people. There is no problem in isolate yourself sometimes. I think that's perfectly normal. In fact, even depression is normal and almost everyone will face it at least once in life.

    Related to your thoughts about sex, it's your choice. I think there is no problem with that too. Just don't create a problem with this, because, as I said, there is none.
     
  14. http://antidoteforall.com/

    just try it, you only have to do it once, its only a few minute exercise, just self awareness, its not even meditation or any thing like that. its very simple.
     

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