Inability to look others in the eyes ..

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Lioness, Nov 28, 2015.

  1. Lioness

    Lioness Fapstronaut

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    Will this sense of shame disappear after being cured ?

    I can't seem to look people in the eyes, as if they could see into me and know about my filth - particularly religious people - which has lead me to avoid them.

    I know this is probably irrational, but .. will it get better when I get rid of this addiction ?
     
  2. Yes, it probably is irrational, Lioness. In fact, yes, it is irrational!

    But I know exactly how you feel. I've been there - ashamed and furtive, not wanting to look people in the eye...

    And, yes, it's getting better! And when I relapse, I fall back a little bit, but as I keep trying I keep on climbing further away from that place and getting more confident.

    Good luck. I wish you well. You're doing the right thing and things can only get better.
     
  3. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    PMO is just another way you choose to medicate the insecurities in yourself - the broken part of you that feels awkward if other people could actually see it. Recovering PMO will do you a world of good, of course (since it's an escape and cop out), but PMO is just symptomatic behavior and an ill attempt to deal with the main problem - getting rid of PMO won't be the overall cure. The overall cure will be to learn to look and examine within yourself what it is that is broken, how did it get that way, what can be changed for the better, what perhaps cannot be changed and just needs to be accepted? Sometimes we can walk this journey on our own, but many times we need a counsellor to assist and journey with us. When we accept our inner selves and embrace the broken parts and learn to love ourselves (and let God love us in our brokenness even, as He wants to do), then we won't feel so vulnerable from other people's eyes - or religious eyes. It's actually not other people's eyes that are the problem; it's our own pain in not wanting to see ourselves or to love and self-embrace the inner parts of ourselves - as an escape, we choose addictions -- which are short-lived and ineffectual even for a moment as the addiction lives on. Best wishes!
     
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  4. Yes, it will definitely get better with time. Mind you that it's normal to not want to look certain people in the eyes. However, if you find yourself doing it all the time, that will improve. If you're exhausted and feeling guilty or ashamed, it's normal to not want to look people in the eyes.
    Please also mind you that other people, also religious people, aren't any better than you are, in the eyes of God. Everyone is equal in His Eyes. You are his sacred creation and He loves you. Never forget that. All will be well.
    Ken
     
  5. Chelseaman123

    Chelseaman123 Fapstronaut

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    I just want to interject here.

    I'm a social anxiety sufferer, and have struggled making eye contact with people for years. Often I become too conscious of it, like which eye of the person do I look at, am I staring them, am I making them feel uncomfortable etc.

    If you have a lot of other symptoms of social anxiety (struggle to talk to people, always review and beat yourself up about social situations, constantly feel as if you've said the wrong thing, burning dread inside of talking to people, tightness in chest etc.), then it might be worth going to your doctor and talking to them about it.

    Social anxiety can be an addiction induced condition as well, not just because of the shame factor but because of chemical changes inside your brain as well. I have heard of people that have overcome their social anxiety after overcoming their addictions. It is all food for thought.
     
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  6. Anti-Porn Army Soldier

    Anti-Porn Army Soldier Fapstronaut

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    You don't have to be ashamed of it because you are not embracing it, you are trying to get rid of it. I know most of the people who are chronic masturbators yet they still look people in the eye whether they are religious or not!
    Its all about how you feel about yourself, give yourself some credit for trying to get rid of this addiction, once you achieve that believe me you will not only feel good about yourself (gaining confidence to look people in the eyes) but also getting rid of PMO will be a whole lot easier. Its the little things that matter the most :)
     
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