I'm in my first week of no porn. I'm married 11 years, 2 kids. We have had trouble with maintaining regular sex in our marriage. When I met my wife she had awful pain during penetrating sex most of the time. She had seen several medical specialists before we met and early on in our marriage. A few years after our first child was born we finally got it sorted out. It was only with the help of a sex therapist that we worked on having the pain gone. After our first was born, we had sex life 4 times in two years. I think it was 90% psychological. Although I don't know what fixed the problem, I am very grateful that it is gone. Part of the solution, we think, is that regular sex helps keep the pain away. Infrequent sex means the pain comes bank. Anyways, she has been 5+ years pain free during sex. We both had the conclusion that our sex life was mediocre due to that problem. I was worried about hurting her, why would I want to desire something that hurt her. Her self esteem regarding sex was terrible. Anyways, fast forward several years with no pain, and we still have a problem. A major factor here is me. During the couples sex therapy we talk about many things. I don't bring up the PMO hobby, because at the time, I thought it was genuinely not a problem. I thought it was just "something a did and it wasn't a problem".. I thought "well pretty much all guys do it". I have only recently figured out that this is an ADDICTION. I want to improve our marriage. I want a more fulfilling life. I don't want the shame of my desensitized desires. Question is: Do I admit to my dear wife that I have this problem? Do I admit that even though she has committed hours of therapy and the weight of holding our sex life back because of some genetic defect, I am likely the one to blame for my withholding of sexual desire for her? It would feel like a bomb shell. I can just feel the anger and resentment towards me for not bringing this up sooner, when we had countless sleepless nights arguing about how she felt like I didn't find her attractive. How she threatened to leave me until I showed up to the relationship. How she has stormed out of the house in tears and wandered the streets. Scared and feeling alone, fearing that I'm going to leave. Do I face that? Do I just get better alone?