In my childhood I was always told that I was very good in studies . This got entrenched in me . I felt like I’m so smart that even very little study will do for me , and it did until my high school. Just to remind myself , I was never a hardworking guy , just managed above average scores. In my high school days study meant only mugging up texts. Only real study was maths that too was partially muged up by me. Then came the most humiliating two years of my life . I went to senior secondary school, took up physics ,maths and chemistry. I had real desire to be a very smart and intelligent like a scientist. I read the physics book (mechanics basically) and it went all over my head. I liked maths and did it passionately but when I saw my mark sheet after exam ,it was depressing.This went on . Scored below average in class constantly where as all my schooling it was much above average. This gave a blow to my self esteem. I left studying books after just two or three months into senior sec. There were no good teachers in the state I lived ( surprising ! isn’t it , a whole state with not a single genuine teacher) that’s how it is in remote regions of north east India. Whenever exams came I searched youtube videos and somehow passed the exams. Not to say there were students in my class who worked hard all by themselves and got admitted in the reputed Delhi University. I always thought that since I was so intelligent all my childhood , I should be able to do problems by studying the concept just once . Not being able to achieve this rather extraordinary feat , I got more and more frustrated with myself. In my final exams I scored so low that I was not admitted to any government run colleges. So I dropped a year . Besides I was not able to decide what to pursue in science since I had developed a phobia towards physics and maths. I decided to study Geology. Came next year and I was able to take admission in a respected state run college in the neighbouring state . After a year into geology I realised that If physics was something too hard for me then Geology was something too easy to suit me . I study physics for my elective subject and I still want to be a physicist but I am very aware that I don’t have the caliber for that . I can love physics classes but still somehow fail to solve physics problems. I love to hear people talk about physics but find it extremely frightening to do physics .I love to do maths until there is someone explaining it to me and extremely frightening to maths on my own . I am never confident of the answers I get or the way I approach the problems. The only thing challenging that I encountered till now in geology is interpreting geological maps. Perhaps because my 3d visualisation is very weak. Now my problem is , whenever I hear anything about physics or physicists I feel a great deal of inferiority complex because I can’t do physics or even understand a physics video from popular physics channels. This has led me to disrespect my own major subject. I would love to hear any advice on how to cope with the problem.