I wanted to release some secrets to the shame filled behavior i done over my lifetime when I was young I was sexually molested by my uncle and my mother's boyfriend as I grew up I always had a fascination with p*** and nudity. I remember stealing my stepfather's Playboy magazines when I was in my early teens my addiction progressed but I never really saw it as a problem or something bad it was just something that every kid my age did when I was 17 I was so mentally ill that I continuously molested my younger cousin-in-law for several months it's the most shameful thing that I've done my entire life I can't tell you how many times I thought about ending it all over that fact of my life but I'm trying to come to terms with it now after all these years and accept it but it's still very difficult and I have no clue why did those things and it's haunted me and fueled my drug addiction to heroin and methamphetamine for many years I was also an alcoholic for a number of years with sobriety in between, I remember stealing dirty panties from my friends sisters hampers taking them home and smelling them to get off when I was in my young adult years I had many friends that were women in my circle and I've had chances with some of them and wasn't able to preform and ruined my self esteem and continued to fuel my PMO addiction I couldn't even carry on a conversation with a female without being completely ashamed my fetishes progressed and to strange ones such as fart fetishes and financial domination I would pay random women money on the internet and get off to it. I would then follow random women around stores and pretend to drop money I would walk around stores hours and try to give strange women money to this day it's such a bad demon and I'm so ashamed I keep going back to it. My girlfriend of 8 months just broke up with me yesterday and I can't help but think part of it is because my addoction, my life is in utter ruins and I have no capability to get it back myself. my life disgusts me, I have 4 days clean from pmo but I relapsed on Kratom a week ago due to my bicycle accident I was In 2 weeks ago I have no use of my left leg I was on pain pills and got hooked to the feeling again, I feel so hopeless. These are just a number of things I've done I remember going in women's bathrooms just to hear them pee and poop and get off to it, My life disturbs me and I wish this were fiction If my life story can just benefit just one person or touch one person. that would bring me just a shred of joy.