Insights needed

See if the problem persists.

For what I know, after you quit P and M, there is in principle nothing in your way to improve your performance during actual sex.

Just keep having sex and see how things develop. There are of course general insights about sex and performance that might be helpful for you:

* don't focus on the orgasm alone, instead make the whole thing enjoyable. This requires some talking with your partner, though. You can have an ultra-long foreplay without the intent of penetration. You can just cuddle, touch each other, lie next to each other ... and see how this can get you aroused (you might be surprised)
* find a partner you can trust, don't try to perform, to impress or whatever ... make it an intimate moment where you share you feelings with each other, too
* be sure to have the right goal in mind: I don't know how long your relationship is already going on and what your significant other means to you ... but it might be helpful to realize that your personal recovery is a long journey that might outlive your relationship. So even if things are still a bit odd, focus on the improvement that is already happening

 

Things I've read about ED and P are all from this forum, I believe.

But I have my personal experience now, too. And all in all, I would not try to link porn use too specifically with ED. (It might all depend on your exact PMO habits, though)

• There are people who use P and have no problems during sex
• There are people who suffer from ED and don't use P at all

However ...

In my case, abstaining from PMO helps with the whole process from initiating contact with a girl to actual moment of having sex. In my case, PMO is/was my substitute not only for orgasms but also for intimacy, relaxation, sexual stimulation, and more general: affection. You could say, PMO is my love substitute.

I have a much stronger motivation to go out and meet girls and please them now (I'm more than 2 months PMO free at the moment).

If I should relapse tomorrow and go back to regular PMOing, my motivation to change anything would vanish - I would be back having my sexual motivation short-circuited.

At the moment, when I'm horny, I'm not jerking off, instead I feel that I have to go out more

There are other stories here on the forums of people with very feetishy PMO habits where the sexual performance is apparently very strongly linked to the disability to have sex. And looking at those stories, one can see how even less extreme PMO habits already can have sort of an impact. My experience is that I have to learn to have pleasurable sex and PMO kept me from making any progress there for a way too long time.

My actual ED could be performance anxiety though.