INTJ looking for a way to make friends

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Popeye22, Jun 18, 2021.

  1. Popeye22

    Popeye22 Fapstronaut

    Not too long ago I finally did what I know I should have done years ago. I completely cut off all my weed smoking friends and everyone who didn't add value to my life. I know that doing this was the best choice I could have made but the only problem is that now I am completely alone.

    Like most INTJs I'm very introverted so I don't need or want too many friends, just 2-3 good ones that I know I can count on when needed. If given enough time I know I would find a solution to this problem on my own but I'd like to speed up the process of establishing a few healthy social connections so I'm seeking advice.

    I'm 22 years old, if anyone (preferably other INTJs) have any advice on how I can improve my social skills and get out into the world to meet some new people I'd really appreciate it! :)
  2. its just men in general, we are natural problem solvers, we are not in our feeling's like women, so staying connected is not desirable, but what brings us together is, especially if its a problem. that's why its easy to make friends through work and projects.

    your problem isn't that your alone its that your bored of your own company and reflecting on your life based on a social norms.
    you might find out that people are boring to listen to and conclude that don't want friends but really you don't want that type of friend, but its easy to give up on people that way, that's why you have to find value in people in order to actually want friends then having them is natural.
  3. Is it really possible to speed up the process of meeting (genuine) new people. It's something that naturally unfolds, no? Might it not be a bit forced, or desperate to push something like this?

    I've never heard the term intj before. I've been labelled a few things before but I always find these labels are not just restrictive, they stick me in some strange compartment and then I start labeling myself. This then interferes with my own personal development because I start feeling limited. I also feel they tend to be more for other people who need to label someone they don't otherwise understand. It helps them deal with their own fears, and hides their own inabilities to get on with everyone. So they label me to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. I know you didn't ask about that, I just wanted to say my piece on it.

    As for making genuine friends, why not explore further the things you have always been interested in, but have never got around to doing. Maybe you have a passion for something that you can do with others, or involve others with? I always find it easier to communicate with people who I have common interests and shared experiences with and then see where that can take me.

    There have been times when I have pushed for connection with people, and for me, it always came out as being quite unnatural and sometimes even desperate.

    If you're concerned with holding conversations, or feel socially awkward, then there are techniques and strategies you can practice too. A great place to start is cognitive behaviourial therapy and things like graded exposures for social anxiety, whether you're socially anxious, or not. It's a starting place.

    Best of luck what ever you do. Would love to hear more as you progress...
    Somnambul and Atticus like this.
  4. 野良西木

    野良西木 Fapstronaut

    Hello fellow INTJ, friends are easy to make, just say hi and people would just register you as a friend, (especially easier if you're a freshman in school, never expect it to be so easy.) The problem is how to continue a fluent conversation that feels normal, still can't figure it out yet but there's a strategy to everything so maybe we can discuss about it.
  5. Atticus

    Atticus Fapstronaut

    What do you like doing? Rock climbing? Football? (Not hand-egg, sorry fellow Americans xD), art or poetry? Maybe Philosophy or Politics? Find some group that deals with your interests and make friends among them.

    Since you're looking for close friends, you must know that trust in both parties is important and it is like building a house. One nail at a time.
  6. My advice would be to stop defining yourself as an "intj". The authors of mbti did not explain how do one's answers to the test lend evidence to either of the personality types and they did not even prove that those types actually exist. It is a fraudulent cult, get out of it ASAP.

    Don't restrict your behavior to some given pattern. I know how corny it sounds but just be yourself. If you want to meet people you'll have to force yourself to get out there. I know it's not easy (I struggle with it too) but nobody will do it for you.
  7. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    I’m an INTJ. I find for me I need to develop friends with meaningful connections. I resist superficial conversations. I am comfortable starting with that because men are slow to get to meaningful conversations, I really focus my few friends on that.

    This book helped me when I was your age struggling with the same thing.

    Find things you enjoy doing and then find groups and communities of similar people.

    There is no way to speed up meaningful connection. Enjoy the journey.

    Do what you enjoy doing and people will follow.
  8. I love going deep with people because I can. I thrive off it because that's my true nature. Besides, just because one person calls it deep, doesn't mean that it is deep. It just means they lack the capacity to embrace my level of communication. And yeah, maybe I can't communicate on a more superficial level, and maybe I can't hold a conversation for that long and those, amongst others, are my limitations.

    It's all good!

    this post has created a really cool thread. Thank you!
    ANewFocus likes this.
  9. I like this, you make me think about when I smile people smile back at me. I might be walking, ina shop, cycling at speed or what ever. When I smile, I always get a smile back. This is the law of attraction. We attract back what we put out. It's a timely lesson for all people working to overcome unhelpful patterns in body, mind and spirit
    野良西木 likes this.

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