Intro and relapse.

Hello everyone. Call me Jage. I am 25 yesrs old. College graduate. And dating a beautiful girl whom I love with all my heart. Since I was around 13 or so, I began watching porn. Off and on when time allowed [before smart phones] and now-a-days for stress-relief and self-pleasure. I considered it natural for years cause that is what guys do. Unfrotunately, I off and on go to heavy spirals of searching and watching everyday. It led to me questioning myself and feeling like trash. I even watched gay porn and questioned what was wrong with me. I am not gay and find no men attractive [except Cristiano Renaldo lolop jk] but porn caused me to become so hardened I would watch insane videos and feel like trash later. Last year, I broke down crying in front of my girlfriend about me watching porn when we began dating and how I betrayed her. Off and on during sex, I could no cum. She asked me why i didn't love her a couple times joking but it got serious. Now, in Japan in my dorm room, I bombed out and relapsed about 20 minutes ago (edged last night and counted that). I am able to see my gf here when we are less busy, but my gf dislikes full blown sex outside of hand stuff. I used that as a justification which is rule red flag number 1. For my self, my girlfriend and our relationship, I wanna push forth and break this plague. I wish to marry this beautiful girl and don't want to be addicted to masturbation and going through weeks of dry spells of no porn and relapsing. Once more, here I go.