Pornography destroyed my life... I couldn't find other words to describe the madness pornography and masturbation did to my life. I am a male who recently turned 31. I discovered masturbation when I was about 11, and porn when I was about 12 and it was a completely mesmerizing experience as I remember. Back in the 90's porn wasn't widely available as we had to buy magazines with girls and VHS tapes. Being a child still, I remember I was saving from pocket money that parents gave me to buy videotapes. That limited me to only one movie in two-three months. I remember I had joy and didn't have anxiety or any other issue in my teens. When I was 18 years old, high speed internet came to my home and so did "joys" of internet pornography. I was a good student by then, enrolled in college - studying information technology. Suddenly, pornography took me and my inner soul. For the next 7 years, only thing I remember is watching porn, being grumpy, clumsy, depressive and masturbating as high as 4 times a day. I was frequently masturbating for 12 hours, constantly searching for material online, until my penis was suffering and starting to bleed. Then I had to finish off because it hurt me to continue, but I was mad 'cause I still thought I didn't find the hottest chick to finish off on the picture of her. I never got past the first year of college because I never got any time to do anything else besides watching porn, and after that I was depressive because I could never get so hard as porn actors, or have a penis that size or be with hot girls as them. When I turned 25, I found myself an awesome girl. You know that kind of person you meet once and know that she is the one? We recently separated after six years of her patient waiting for me to change. I loved her, and still do, but I couldn't break myself this habit of watching porn and masturbating like a mad man. Over time, she grew tired of me. I couldn't have a normal sex with her because I feel nothing during sex and my erections don't last. Nothing felt like when I rubbed it with lube and squeeze it violently to the point it became all red and start to bleed. I lost every job I had after just month or two. I couldn't keep any job because I was constantly thinking of porn and masturbation and I became lazy to do anything. I started with nofap 7 days ago. This is truly my last resort, my last straw to grab on, before I commit to something serious as taking my own life. I recognize I have a big problem, I want her back, I want a normal life and I want to get rid of this plaque that is taking my heart and my soul.