Intro to my life

Hi. I'm Max. I'm 27 years old and I'm addicted to a lot of things. My mom has an addictive personality and that was also bestowed to me. Some stuff happened to me when I was a kid and I don't think I'm over it. I basically grew up on the computer and got into porn really young. There was a website built for kids and there was a place you could post "stories". All or those stories were erotic pedophilic incest works of fiction. It definitely left it's mark on me. I would be a prude in my public life, but felt dirty and hypersexual in my private life. I started drinking at 18 and was addicted to how it made me feel. I love depressants so much. I suspect the reason is because there is a high likelihood I have ADHD, which I'm going to see a doctor for that soon. I quit drinking at 25 because I kept feeling like I was setting my life on fire. I'm a trans guy. I feel like I have my whole childhood ripped away from me because I was in such a denial about who I really am. I had a wall up around life and felt nothing for 25 years. Anyway, the porn has escalated into looking for TOR browsers and looking at stuff that's illegal or extreme. Id get high and masturbate all day if I could. This all needs to stop. Im stressed out all the time and its affecting my relationship with my partner. I want to be better. I need to be better.