I am here because I want help. I've had success at abstaining from masturbation in my recent past; what I discovered is the deeper truth that I think everyone here deals with: masturbation is not the root problem.
"Honesty is the key to mental health." - The Most Personal Addiction
I am in a dark place right now. I've considered suicide. I've asked God many times in recent days why He won't let me die. I deserve it.
A couple years ago, I had some success with abstaining because I wholeheartedly believed that I had "the answers" to life's problems, and that all of the obstacles I was encountering were external (not "my fault") as opposed to internal ("my fault"). I've gone through a crushing disillusionment since then. Typical for a young man?
I know that I am capable of greatness. In fact, I think all people are. Now? I wonder: why bother?
I crave masturbation not just for the simple disgusting pleasure it temporarily brings, but for the numbness, the emotionless brain fog that comes afterward. A relief from feelings which I feel powerless to do anything to change in a positive way.
I said that I want help; it would probably be more accurate to say that intellectually, I know I need help though I don't want it. Typing this is helping a little.
My life is devoid of meaning, purpose.
I've been told that I have a problem with authority. Masturbation makes complying easier; I don't care as much (if at all).
Why is life worth living? Abstaining from masturbation must be replaced by positive action. One person here said God became that replacement. I didn't understand.
I have no goals. No ambition. No desire. I abstain from masturbation for a few days, until the feelings begin to return, entertainments begin to cease to satisfy (which some would say is a positive thing); there is nothing positive to replace the gaping hole I can begin to feel- so I masturbate to numbness and the cycle repeats.
"Honesty is the key to mental health." - The Most Personal Addiction
I am in a dark place right now. I've considered suicide. I've asked God many times in recent days why He won't let me die. I deserve it.
A couple years ago, I had some success with abstaining because I wholeheartedly believed that I had "the answers" to life's problems, and that all of the obstacles I was encountering were external (not "my fault") as opposed to internal ("my fault"). I've gone through a crushing disillusionment since then. Typical for a young man?
I know that I am capable of greatness. In fact, I think all people are. Now? I wonder: why bother?
I crave masturbation not just for the simple disgusting pleasure it temporarily brings, but for the numbness, the emotionless brain fog that comes afterward. A relief from feelings which I feel powerless to do anything to change in a positive way.
I said that I want help; it would probably be more accurate to say that intellectually, I know I need help though I don't want it. Typing this is helping a little.
My life is devoid of meaning, purpose.
I've been told that I have a problem with authority. Masturbation makes complying easier; I don't care as much (if at all).
Why is life worth living? Abstaining from masturbation must be replaced by positive action. One person here said God became that replacement. I didn't understand.
I have no goals. No ambition. No desire. I abstain from masturbation for a few days, until the feelings begin to return, entertainments begin to cease to satisfy (which some would say is a positive thing); there is nothing positive to replace the gaping hole I can begin to feel- so I masturbate to numbness and the cycle repeats.
