Introducing more accountability

Have you noticed that poor sleep negatively affects you will power?

  • Yes

    Votes: 32 91.4%

  • No

    Votes: 2 5.7%

  • Other

    Votes: 1 2.9%
  • Total voters
    35
AndreC

AndreC

Fapstronaut
Hey everyone,

I can not do it alone. I've been off and on porn use now for over a year. Initially, I had no idea it was a problem and how far a reach into my life it had.

The longest I've been able to stay away from porn was around 3 months. During this time I was doing daily journaling about it. I've learned a lot about myself, but it has not been enough.

I hope to be able to successfully recover and help others that suffer here along the way. I know it is achievable, but I can't do it by myself. I'm going to become more active on this forum and post at least 4-5 times a week (my goal is daily).

A huge factor in my recovery has been my sleep health. When I am not getting adequate sleep, all my defenses seem to fail. It's what (I think) caused my last relapse and what broke my 3-month streak.
 
I've just updated my day counter to accurately represent where I am (Day 1).

My intentions for today are to do my morning routine (pray, meditate, write) and try to be more present today. Trying to listen more to others and practice watching my breath. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Also, if anyone could share how they have dealt with physical triggers. Most of my Fapping happens in the shower. I am a little afraid of this for my recovery. Several times I've gone in there with no intention only to "do it again". If anyone has had success with a similar issue I'd love to hear about it. Thanks!
 
Hello everyone,

Today is the start of day two. I'm still excited to be transparent about my problem and recovery. Yesterday there were no issues. I was not lustfully attracted to others, there was no craving to watch porn, and no fantasy. These are the 3 areas in my life that preceded a relapse.

I was able to come back to the moment about twice yesterday. I was able to listen more to the people in my life too, instead of waiting to talk. I will carry over those intentions into today.
 
Hey y'all

Yesterday was another successful day. It is tricky though because it seems smooth until it's not. I have a fear that no matter what progress I make, It won't be enough. All the work up to a point is not enough when a hard desire/craving/want/thought hits.

My last relapse was like that. Smooth sailing until I had an unusual experience that resulted in strong feelings of lust. I could not get the idea out of my head. It was an obsession. I knew it was not what I wanted in the long run, but that was not enough. I succumbed to the lust.

My hope is that this community and platform will be what creates the difference. That my involvement and accountability will be the difference. I don't like who I am when I am watching porn. I become insensitive, I have trouble staying present, my connection with my GF feels more like a roommate and less like a partner, I have trouble performing, I objectify others, I hurt people. I've heard many of the same things from other members here and hope to join on the path to recovery.

I wish everyone strength and love. Thanks
 
Day 4 checkin. Similar to yesterday, no real issues. I starting a new job which has required me to wake up early. There is fear around this because I know a majority of my relapses have been due to weaken will power (because of lack of sleep). I plan to nap to try and treat this.

Interesting to notice how disconnected my body and my mind are when it comes to lust/sexual activities. When I pause if there is a temptation or desire, I see that it is 100% mental stimulation. There is no bodily response (or at least the proper response that follows attraction). It is incredible to notice, it really highlights how unnatural and unhealthy this is for me.
 
Day 8 Check-in! Wow I did not realize that time had passed so quickly. No major issues as of yet.

I did have a few dreams that I did watch porn though. Weird. Was vey thankful when I woke up.
 
Hello, good work on your progress! Do you mind if I join your thread? I am new here and 2 days clean (PMO). I joined as I need accountability. I'm hoping to start with the month of February and continue beyond.

I have tried to quit on my own before - the longest I made it to my recollection was 9 days or so.
 
Not at all! I'm stoked you want to. Please feel free to talk about whatever you want that helps. From my previous 60 day stretch, I found journaling to be the most impactful solution to my issues. I try to journal here now.

Im at day 12 now. Started a new job this week and have been adjusting so I have not been able to be present here like I wanted to. Have actually had a few weird instances (saw someone flashing people and had a random porn-ish pop up). They have not had that obsession affect that comes sometimes with random exposure. I don't want to get ahead of myself though. I know this problem has seemed dormant before only to catch me completely off guard. Those both happen earlier today and have not really come up again.

I will try to keep posting here again daily now that I've adjusted to the new schedule. I'm thankful to be 12 days free and am looking forward to being recovering from this problem.
 
Also, Awesome to see some results on the doodle poll. Sleep has been the number one trigger for my relapses. I've almost come to fear a poor nights sleep. I've watched it break so many of my streaks. My will power becomes weak and I give in.
 
Day 14, two weeks! I'm proud of the progress I've made so far. Posting here has helped more than I can say. I feel like it's not just me recovering alone.

I did have a weird porn type dream two nights ago night. Woke up very grateful it was a dream. It's so strange that my mind does this. It's a clear indicator that there is a detox taking place.

Asides from that, I've been praying in the morning and trying my best to meditate everyday. I've noticed when my mind begins to drift into lustful thoughts and have tried to catch it. When I do catch it, I try to let it settle. This seems very counter-intuitive, but I believe it is the way to become free. When I just avoid it, I don't think I'm addressing the problem. When I don't address the problem, it seems to keep going back.
 
thegreatreboot_PM said:
Hello, good work on your progress! Do you mind if I join your thread? I am new here and 2 days clean (PMO). I joined as I need accountability. I'm hoping to start with the month of February and continue beyond.

I have tried to quit on my own before - the longest I made it to my recollection was 9 days or so.
Click to expand...
Please feel free to join!
 
Today marks 3 weeks.

This last week has not been difficult, but I've let up on my morning routine and my writings. I want to say I've been busy, but the truth is I've not prioritized my recovery. Yesterday and today I've noticed an increase in urges and have been a little shakey. I wanted to touch base here. This is important to me because I've only ever tried to recover privately. I know that if I can recover with the help of NoFap, possibly one other person may benefit from my experience. If that is the case, I think it is a miracle.

Today, I plan on doing my morning routine after this post. These urges and shakey feelings trouble me. They have been precursors to a relapse before. I feel like I've not drifted too far and I can still course correct with not too much difficulty(not because I think I have power over this, but based more on past experiences being at this point. Thats a whole other thread on the stages into me relapsing.). Thank you for the existence of this community and I wish everyone strength and perseverance.
 
Continuing onto day 24. This week has been a little more challenging than the previous two.

I had a traumatic experience of seeing a dog running at me get run over by a car. This has been its own experience.

I've been less energetic and have had more trouble sleeping. This worries me because I know lack of sleep is the number one trigger to me relapsing. I don't want to relapse. This addiction takes over my life and creates a wedge between me and my girlfriend. I believe it played a part in my divorce, though I did not know about extent of this addiction then (ED, being less present, only getting aroused through fantasy/porn, etc...).

I'm so grateful to have a place to come and be accountable to, to see others walking this same journey. It is extremely hopeful and lets me know it's possible.
 
Hey man, sounds like you're kind of at a difficult spot in your journey. Just wanna say I'm pulling for you - I'm sorry to hear bout your difficult experiences too, glad you're still here! You're doing awesome - keep up the good work!
 
Onto day 26!!!! So close the 30, one whole month.

Today I've not meditated and I don't want to do it. That being said, I'm going to do it after this post. I'm so appreciative for NoFap. This community has helped introduce the needed accountability into my recovery.

Before I found NoFap, I suspected some other people might stuggle with this. Know I know I'm not alone in this struggle. I'm also not alone in my recovery and journey. Before this 26 day streak, I spent the last year making it 3-10 days before I'd relapse, watch porn again, and feel disgusted with myself. Especially knowing this impacts my girlfriend and I went ahead and did it anyways. I have not felt that in the last 26 days. I want this to be permanent.

Thank you again to everyone on here. I wish you all strength!
 
gocygo said:
Hey man, sounds like you're kind of at a difficult spot in your journey. Just wanna say I'm pulling for you - I'm sorry to hear bout your difficult experiences too, glad you're still here! You're doing awesome - keep up the good work!
Click to expand...
I appreciate your support. I've gotten the chance to talk to some people about it and have not tried to bury it (a way I previously responded to difficulties).
 
gocygo said:
Dude I'd say it's a real good thing you're at 27, awesome job man, keep up the good work!!
Click to expand...
You're totally right. This is something I've tried for so many times and have failed. Thanks for the reminder and gratitude check!
 
Onto day 29! Thanks for all the support and engagement. I truly am not alone in this journey.

A little bit of an update on my progress.
  • I've been able to naturally wake up with a full erection. Something that had just stopped happening.
  • What used to be compulsion that I experienced (Overwhelming thought or desire followed by me acting on it while telling myself it was different and won't go as far), have now become thoughts. They come and I feel them, but they seem hollow and easier to get out of. A few times that's happened I can to the forums and tried to get involved.
  • I'm also able to get a solid erection when my GF and I become intimate (hell yeah!)
  • I've felt more energized
  • I've also felt more connected to the people who are experiencing the same things I am. This forum has given me a group to join and contribute too, which has added value to my life.
  • I've also have seen scenes in movies or shows that would have caused me to obsess, and have forgotten about them.
I'm not done. I believe that this will be something I will most likely have to be mindful of my whole life. Thats fine to me, its worth it. I'm excited for the next 20 days of this journey and what they entail.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top