Introducing myself and my situation.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by SD0314, Nov 12, 2014.

  1. SD0314

    SD0314 New Fapstronaut

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    I found out about this site, like a lot of other guys it seems, by watching some TedTalks videos and realizing that P was causing major problems in my sex life. Some background... I started watching P when i was really young (11 or 12) and it always had to be when i was home alone. I never knew when i would get another chance to be alone in the house to M with P, it was a busy house and only one dial-up/broadband computer (good ole days when a single picture took minutes to load). I would edge myself for as long as i could while i was alone which was basically binging on porn anytime i could because i would do this for hours at a time without O. I think this is where my problems began because i learned to M by edging. That type of secretive P binging lasted until i left home and joined the military. Even though i was able to M at my convenience after that point i was still stuck in this learned behavior of watching as much P as i could usually for hours while edging myself in order to 'get in' as much P time as possible. Its like i was starving for a week then someone dropped me in a golden corral!! lol, but i wasnt 'starving' sexually becuase i would do this binge at least once a day usually twice if not more. I am still the same way, ill have tons of tabs open and I'm constantly fast forwarding and clicking new links looking for something 'just right' or exciting. Sometimes i would be very close to O but i wouldn't want to because i didnt want to stop M and i felt there was a better video out there so i would stop and start again when i found the 'next video. This way of M, i feel, is the major cause of my ED and performance issues. Because i was always on alert for someone coming home unexpectedly, watching P was a rush and dangerous and i knew if i was caught i would be punished (and i did get punished a few times for it) and this instilled a very negative connotation of sex for me. To this day after i O with P i get a sickening gut feeling like I'm a bad person for doing it. On top of that i have a problem lasting way to long when I'm having sex with my partner. I have never reached O by sex alone. Its been so frustrating for me to hear how some guys are so quick and O prematurely. I would give my left foot for that problem instead of mine. Instead i get incredibly frustrated with myself and even really depressed about it at times. Im so grateful to have found those TedTalks videos that led me here because I've felt so lost in what i thought was a problem i was alone in. Ill conclude by saying that I've gone 30ish days before without M or O while i was in boot camp and i remember the first O i had after that was like the first time i ever O'd. So i am very confident in my ability to overcome my ED and cut down on the time it takes me to O, by cutting P out of my life and putting that time and energy into other things i want to accomplish in my life. BTW, is there some rule to use P, M, and O, instead of the real words? It seems like everyone was doing that but i wasn't sure if its just for convenience or if those words get flagged or something. I hope i can find some good support on here and also lend support to others if i can. Thanks to anyone who read this and id love to hear if anyone has had similar circumstances. Thanks guys!
     
  2. lifeistooshort

    lifeistooshort Fapstronaut

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    I think the code has some to do with triggers, seeing the words can set some people off and therefore they are trying to avoid people having relapses because of triggers. Something like that anyhow. Anyway, best wishes as you seek to destroy this monster and gain back a real view of the world, and especially women.
     
  3. SD0314

    SD0314 New Fapstronaut

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    Ok, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for answering that for me and the support!
     

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