Introduction - 38 y.o. male (day 0)

Hi all,

Looking at a few other intros, I've noticed that many of these stories are very similar to mine. Nonetheless, I'd like to write out some of my difficulties and goals. This will probably prove to be lengthy, so if you take the time to indulge me by reading, I appreciate it. If you decide to reply, even more so. I'm using this post as my first journal entry, if that's not how this thread is meant to be used, please let me know. Thanks!

I found out about this community on Huff Post today, and I think it has the potential to really improve my life. I'm currently unemployed, and porn and masturbation takes many hours out of my life that should be used toward furthering my career. The number one indication that I need outside help is that, while I know excessive porn and masturbation is a major part of my problems, it's such a great source of shame that I have not even been able to admit it to my therapist.

List of reasons I need to get control of this:
1. Almost every weekday I convince myself that fapping is a reasonable way of getting my morning started. This usually results in a day that should start at 8 not beginning until 10.

2. When I start my day like this, I'm somewhat drained of energy and my world feels a little blurry in regards to how clearly I think, see, etc.

3. If I have a date that evening, I know I won't be able to perform sexually, so I'm not as flirty and confident as I can be.

4. I think most men probably aren't interested in sleeping with women they're not strongly attracted to. However, I think watching porn has distorted my expectations to the point where I'm not able to get emotionally excited when I meet some awesome, very attracted women, just because they're not my ideal.

5. A big reason for this is that if they're not my ideal, I need to visualize porn to climax. I can no longer cum during oral, and very rarely while wearing a condom.

6. When I have enough control to stop for a few days or a week, I'm so proud of myself that I award myself with a fap that's so powerful, I just start the cycle over again.

7. I REALLY enjoy porn, and use that as an excuse to watch and fap. I even try to delay climax just to be able to watch more scenes, because otherwise I'd miss out. Why deprive myself of something I enjoy? (this list very strongly answers that question)

7. I'm sure I can list more, but these seem like a strong enough reasons to use this community seriously... and it's enough for today.

Thanks for listening.