Introduction

Hello everyone.

NoFap is not a new topic for me. I started my journey in February this year and was always a "silent reader" of this page. But now I decided to share my story and ask for some advice myself.
Even though I am quite long on this journey I was never able to quit for good. I told myself so many times that was the last time, but keep failing and failing. My longest streak was 45 days. Had a lot of streaks for a couple of weeks, but that's about it. Unfortunately I suffer from PIED and it scares me a lot, but for some reason my brain takes it quite easy. I haven't watched "hardcore porn" in a while. Usually just imagination or some "sexy pictures" and reduced my bad habit drastically.
Next week I am gonna see my girlfriend the first time after 9 weeks of living apart from each other. In this 9 weeks of time I really tried not to M. During the first week I fapped 3 times to pictures, after that I was motivated to stay away from it for 23 days -> relapsed through imagination. Then another 12 days. But now in my last week before seeing her I fell back into old habits and started watching twice already to some pictures. I don't know what happened, but I can't find my focus again. I hate myself so much now. I was so successful and now in my last week I keep ruining all the progress. I feel so bad that I am going to disappoint my girlfriend again, since we are not able to have good sex. My inner self wants to stop it, but my brain is stronger. Any advice on how to find my focus again would be much appreciated.