Introduction

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by rave756, Apr 12, 2016.

  1. rave756

    rave756 Fapstronaut

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    Hello, 39y/ married male, my goal is to 'reboot' my sex life and relationship with my wife.

    I'm on day 9 of a (partially)self-imposed refrain from O. It would have been only 4 days, but I was rejected for sex last weekend. Will try again this weekend. I have been looking at P and probably what would be called 'edging'. Now reading this site, maybe that hasn't been the most productive idea.

    Our sex life started now a negative spiral years ago. Due to various life stresses, sex became infrequent. As my wife lost interest, my PE increased, and I turned to PMO for more satisfactory (longer) sessions. As sex became basically nothing but a chore for her, I was admonished if I 'took too long', and encouraged and rewarded for finishing as fast as possible. So I've abstained from the O (but not the PM) the week leading up to when a possible sex night with faster PE's being the result. After that, it's PMO almost daily for a different experience until I work up the nerve to ask for sex again.

    My hope in nofap is that if I can approach sex more confidently, my wife will enjoy it and be open to more frequent occasions. By focusing on being satisfied with that, i will try to avoid turning to PMO in between/instead of sex.
     
  2. Very clear set of goals. I like it. It sounds like you have a set of different issues at hand:
    • You want sex more than your wife
    • You ENJOY sex more than your wife
    • There are multiple life stresses that are (presumably) still getting in the way of enjoyable sex for both of you
    • There's an element of physical and emotional rejection when your wife denies you sex
    • You've turned to P to satisfy your urges in a more short-term need but with possible long-term consequences
    • P and PMO does not fix the sexually distant relationship you have with your wife, and the more P you use, the longer it's going to take to address the root problem, both for you and for her
    So, there's a lot for you to work on. But you're not going to be able to tackle these deeper issues until you get the P out of the way.
    Respectfully,
    FPDoc
     
    rave756 likes this.
  3. Another principle to consider is Love Languages. Everyone has a Love Language, maybe two, that really speak to their heart. Maybe you're not speaking your wife's Love Language, and she doesn't know how to speak yours.
    http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
     
    Shady1 likes this.
  4. rave756

    rave756 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for responding. You probably hit some nails on the head there. I'm going to look at NoFap as a way to remove a distraction and excuse not to focus on those more important issues.
     

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