Is actual sex advised against as well?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by JSeattle, Dec 29, 2017.

  1. JSeattle

    JSeattle Fapstronaut

    Hey everyone. New here. Would like to type my whole life story but will keep it short and blunt. 34 years old. Never had trouble getting women but been noticing less confidence and desire to approach new women for the past five years or so. More social anxiety, less eye contact, less overall happiness, less energy etc. I do think porn and masturbating is the issue. No ED though...thank the lord!

    I have noticed my taste for porn has changed over the years as well and honestly has gotten a bit raunchy and hardcore. I masturbate about 3-4 times per week always to porn. Typically takes me about 5 minutes. I just have my handful of go-to videos and that's that. The deed is done.

    I have always noticed a more care free, confident and liberated attitude when I would go a week or more without climaxing. I've noticed this feeling for a long time before I stumbled upon NoFap. I am content knowing there may actually be some science behind all this. Today is day number two from not masterbating for me. It's going to be my new years resolution it up cold turkey!

    I do have a couple questions I couldn't find the answer too though. I notice anytime I climax, I am less motivated, less confident and more anxious for a few days following. This is true if I masturbate, get a blowjob or hand job from a woman or from actual sex. I realize the main point of nofap is refraining from porn addiction and masturbating but I really am after the benefits of refraining. If I have to give up sex, I will. Or at least just not climax from sex.

    I am currently seeing two girls for the past couple months. I see one or the other about 2-3 times per week and typically have sex 1-2 times per week which I do enjoy a bunch. But I guess my question is, will having sex or fully climaxing I should say, have an impact on the end result of refraining from getting off? Will it slow progress? Sometimes one of the girls will ask me to masturbate in front of her to climax which I do and it is quite arousing having her watch but should I quit this act as well?

    Glad there is this great community and I honestly feel everyone is onto something here. I haven't gone 30 days without masturbating in years. I am excited to see what lies in store for overall benefits :)


    Last edited: Dec 29, 2017
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  2. Gonna be honest with you people are asking the same question over and over again . You release free dopamine when you have sex. So it can lead back to your addiction keep in mind.
  3. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    I can't help asking "advised against"... by whom? First and foremost, you set your own rules, whatever works for you, given your individual circumstances and objectives. Personally, I've only stopped porn use completely, and drastically (say, 99%) cut down on my masturbating, but I'm not trying to limit my O's - quite the opposite, I will have all the real sex my beloved wife lets me (which at our 50+ age and with my residual PIED, isn't all that much, to be fair). So in my case, actual sex is not in the least advised against, it's rather advised for! :)

    But that's just me. Many others here are doing no-PMO 'hard mode', for whatever reason. Some believe there are benefits to not O'ing, such as the ones you've alluded to. And yes, there is also a school of thought that your reboot progress would be faster and/or more complete if you abstained from O's as well. Whether that then means cutting out sex altogether for the duration of your reboot, or practising climax-less (is that a word?) sex such as 'karezza', again that would be up to you.
  4. JSeattle

    JSeattle Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply. Makes sense.
  5. JSeattle

    JSeattle Fapstronaut

    Rob - Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. I guess when I just want to go for something, I want to give it my all and just didn't know if it would slow the reboot progress. I think my next step is just completely stopping porn and masturbating when I am alone. But if I am with a woman, I'm going for all of it. Haha. Would be kinda stupid to turn it down. I am sure I would look back down the road when I'm horny and be, what was I thinking. Haha. I am happy to be a new member here and look forward to getting more involved. :)
  6. @JSeattle ,

    This page:

    Explains the various "modes" or pmo.

    Some do just no porn
    Some do no porn or masturbation
    Some do no porn, masturbation or orgasm

    Notice the common item? No porn.

    - L
  7. One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @2525 Journals at:
    @Visor Journals at:
    @I_can_and_I_will Journals at:
    @weddingnails Journals at:
    @MLMVSS Journals at:
    @Struggle Bug Journals at:
    @BigDawg913 Journals at:
    @Sunshadow Journals at:
    @kropo82 Journals at:
    @tet2vd Journals at:
    @Protagoras Journals at:
    @Tomoya Okazaki Journals at:
    @DavidGibson Journals at:
    @Euklid Journals at:
    @BreatheDeeply Journals at:
    @LiquidShoes Journals at:
    @Reverent Journals at:

    There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

    This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

    - L
  8. There is so much support on this forum, the profiles and the various groups. It works if you work it. I don't offer advise. I offer only my ESH (experience, strength and hope).

    Work it? Oh yeah. There's work to be done, that's what's worked for me. Two things I've found necessary.

    1. I had to Learn the NoFap Program.

    2. Getting involved with the community on here was vital to help my recovery.

    Learn the NoFap Program
    The resources listed on the "New Users: List of Rebooting Resources" helped me find my way around the reasons behind the program and the terms used.

    They are:

    You can find this same list on the top of the forum you posted this message on at - the "New to NoFap" forum.

    Get Involved with the Community
    The community has been my lifeline. I've found journals I love, people who are very supportive and a place where I could get to work helping in a small way others.

    I'm nobody important around here. Just a normal user with no magic powers.

    But, I can:

    • Read Journals, and comment when I have ESH
    • Find people I admire and stay in touch via their profiles
    • Pick a forum and make sure evvery post gets and answer. I can't answer them all, but that's good - different opinions make for a better group.
    • Post in my journal (I could be better at it - but I do milestone posts at least) To make a journal go to the section listed by age and start one. Keep all your journal posts in one thread. But, for random thoughts, you can create a new thread.
    Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

    - L

    PS - Think of pmo like a wolf. Stay near the center of the group with the winners and the wolf has a more difficult time finding you. But, stray near the edges of the community and the wolf can pick you off.
  9. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Welcome @JSeattle
    If I were you I would skip all sexual activities for let's say first: 90 days.
    Then see how your life is changed to good.

    Good luck. A tough process, but... it will be worth it totally!

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