Is Casual Sex Worth It?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by FellatiousD, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Not sure if this is the right subforum, but hopefully someone will read this.
    I'm 21M, single, virgin. Just started nofap, have had some successes (25 day streak 1st attempt) and failures (multiple relapses afterward) but I'm still committed to it. Not an incel - had many opportunities to have sex but passed them up deliberately, not sure why but I just wasn't feeling it.
    I got the number of this MILF who is clearly into me sexually and I don't know if I should lose my V with her. I have no emotional connection to her but she's decently attractive and I'm sure I would enjoy it physically. I just have racing thoughts about how I'll tell this story to my future wife, whether it will be worth it, etc. I'm not a Christian but part of me thinks I should fall in love before fucking, but that might be a while.
    On the other hand, single guys are usually voracious when it comes to casual sex, which makes me feel like I'm missing something because I don't feel that way at all. Plus virgins are frowned upon and I want to lose the label.

    So my question is this: is losing the label of "virgin" and feeling the pleasure of sex worth it compared to waiting to fall in love and possibly missing out on sex in the prime of my youth?
     
    the awakening likes this.
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Most people have casual sex. Most people are stupid. Coincidence? A bit, yes. I have your same mindset, I am not religious but I would like to be in love if I lose my thing.
     
  3. ConradJHart

    ConradJHart Fapstronaut

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    I have never had sex either and I am 26. I am not ashamed of it. You shouldn't be either. I don't even think about it being looked at as negatively or positively. It's simply a part of who I am.

    On the other hand, I can't really tell you if casual sex is worth it since I haven't been there. I don't think it's necessary to be married to have sex, but I think you should at least care about the person you would choose to have sex with. Maybe others would disagree. I also have a fear of STDs as I have indicated in another post, and this steers me away from casual sex.

    The only wisdom I can offer you is to not walk around ashamed that you are a virgin. It's who you are, and you should own it. If you act like you are ashamed of it people will pick on you. If you act like it's no big deal then people will not pick on you. And why would you care about what society thinks anyways? I don't know where you got the idea that being a virgin is like being branded in the Scarlet Letter, but this is not the case. Always go for people's respect, not their acceptance. If you respect yourself then others will respect you.

    Stay strong my friend. And do what is good for you in your heart.
     
  4. The sun is the limit

    The sun is the limit Fapstronaut

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    i quitted with the last girl, she only wanted fun. the secret ingredient was missing: love
    sex without love is just boring
     
  5. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Preciate it guys. I worry about the steeds too. And @Infrasapiens , I get what you're saying about virginity - for example, I'm not into fast cars and football, and that doesn't bother me either, so why should virginity? @ConradJHart I'm trying to shake the acceptance seeking mindset as well, hopefully not jerking off will help with that :)
     
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  6. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    This is a little convoluted, but it makes sense. There is a method to my madness.

    Sit down and play a video game. When you get stuck, don’t look up any online guides. Use your own intuition and other personal abilities to get past the hurdle. What do you get after? You’ve got a bit of a sense of accomplishment, right? Even though video games can be fairly meaningless in the retrospect of life, you can still find some meaning in them

    Okay. Great. Now find some hacks and activate “God Mode” or give yourself unlimited resources. It’s kind of fun to face a room full of enemies and be invincible, or to be free to progress through everything quickly and get the really cool end-game stuff ASAP. There is a little thrill, but it soon dissipates as you realize how easy everything is. There’s just no challenge.

    Life is the same way.

    Yeah, you can go and find easy sex. It will be fun for a time, but what are you left with? What meaning is there in it? Surprisingly, it is the limits we are forced to operate within that give us a sense of meaning. Either the limits are imposed on us or we accept them for ourselves.

    Think of a man who, despite great adversity, accomplishes a small bit of good. Despite losing his job, being rejected and outcast, he manages his few resources and makes a difference in another’s life who is even more miserable than his. This person he helped goes on to find success, and they become lifelong friends. How meaningful is something like that? Why is it meaningful? It’s because this man was able to do something so good with so little! It’s a testament of his character.

    If we can find meaning within the limits of video games & other areas of our lives, can’t we also find meaning in the limits of our sexuality? You can go find easy sex, but it is more meaningful to find something truly special.
     
  7. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

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  8. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

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  9. Informius

    Informius Fapstronaut

    damn beautiful!

    @FellatiousD as others have stated, don't be so keen on loosing your virginity. I cannot think of any Girl I would want to be together that would care for it. Even more, I think most of them would actually like it in some way. The most important part is your mindset: If you are shy and insecure about being a virgin, it will be seen in a bad way. If you are true to yourself, don't lie and talk with the Girl you like about that (maybe after 3 or 4th date, I don't know) she will be impressed. Don't be nervous, don't be afraid.

    But be aware that she might laugh a bit or make some facial movement you might Interpret as laughing. It's pretty understandably and human for that to happen, as it simply would be a suprise to her. But she will not see it negativly (and if she does strongly object that, then she is not worth it!)

    And: casual sex is really worth nothing. I think it's pretty much the same as PMO. Sure, it makes you feel good for a short time, but that's it. Nothing more.
    And: casual sex itself is not really good compared to sex with someone you (might) love. Of course it's better than PMO mostly, but it also can be much worse. Especially if you are not so sure about yourself.
     
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  10. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    I appreciate it, man. I'm not afraid to tell people I'm a virgin, and if a girl's not okay with that obviously she can suck it. Even if she laughs at first I'm totally comfortable with that because as you said, it is unusual. But I'm not known for being usual :). I guess you're right about casual sex being like jerking off with a partner. The emotional attachment is probably what makes it special so if there's no emotion in it, you're just humping meat.
     
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  11. Hishiryo

    Hishiryo Fapstronaut

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    To me I don't think it's so much about being "in love" when it comes to having sex.
    The important thing is feeling comfortable and safe with the person you're with (so having an emotional connection), knowing you can be yourself and that there's mutual care.
    Now, this is the case when you're in love with someone and when that person is in love with you, but not only in this situation.
    And indeed in many situations with casual sex it is not the case (happened to me, awkward yet not traumatizing moments, just lame). Therefore some random encounter for losing your virginity is like a russian roulette and it can lead to a bad start with your sex life which can be hard to overcome for some people. Yet there can be great encounters with casual sex (so I heard), but perhaps not the right way to start a sex life.
     
    randomdude27 likes this.
  12. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    No, definitely not worth it.
     
  13. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    So my question is this: is losing the label of "virgin" and feeling the pleasure of sex worth it compared to waiting to fall in love and possibly missing out on sex in the prime of my youth?[/QUOTE]

    You shouldn't care about the virgin label because let's be real here the only people who will mocked you about that are the ones you dont need in your life. Low worth people.

    If you want to wait for the good one you should. If you find the right one she will accept you as you are. That'is a crucial point here bro. People if they don't like the way you are or try to tell you that you're not good enough, you should get rid of them as soon as possible.

    But wait in an active manier which means, go out ans speak to women to try to find the right one because she will not fall from the sky.
     
    ConradJHart likes this.
  14. the awakening

    the awakening Fapstronaut

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    amazing response. I'm blown away by so much wisdom. Do you read a lot of phylosophy ?
     
  15. Captain Caboodles

    Captain Caboodles Fapstronaut

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    “Always go for people's respect, not their acceptance. If you respect yourself then others will respect you.” Exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you for your insight. I’m in the same boat as you. Same age too.haha
     
  16. LOTT2019

    LOTT2019 Fapstronaut

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    Depends on the person--and the person's values. For me, I wish I could go back and wait until it was someone I truly had felt love for....not just an easy lay to satisfy horniness. It's natural to want to have sex. We are wired that way. But, admittedly because of my value system, I want to try and use my sexuality as an expression of true love/intimacy, not just a route for orgasm. No shame in virginity either...and no need to rush anything. In fact, I so wish I had been a virgin when I married. Again, that's due to my value system. Totally fine for others to feel and do differently. We all get to decide.
     
  17. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Thanks for all the responses bros. For now I'm going to focus on just doing shit I like, and keeping my nofap streak up. I'm still talking to women but I'm going to go at a natural pace.
     
  18. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    No, too much risk of STDs. Especially when all the partners you gonna meet are having intercourse with random people all the time just like with you. I think it's akin to playing Russian Roulette with a gun and certainly not worth any sane person's try.
     
    LOTT2019 likes this.
  19. sfmark12

    sfmark12 Fapstronaut

    I can't give any advice because I am a virgin as well, but if you want to give it a shot you might as well try it see how you feel. Me personally friends with benefits I may be left more hurt than pleasure. It's all about how you feel about it since you question if its worth it.
     
  20. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I have not read all the replys that are already given, but I tell you what I think.

    There is simply no correct answer. Some people will say that you should wait, other people will tell you to do it. And there are many good reasons for both. But the only person that knows if it is rigth or wrong to go to bed with this milf is you. I had a lot of friends that loved casual sex, but also have a lot of friends that only have sex with people they have feelings towards. And there is nothing wrong with both in my opinion, because people have different needs.

    A lot of people are afraid they will regret what they did at a younger age. What I like to ask myself when I think about that is "Am I happy today?", if the answer is yes - then there is no need to have regrets, even tho I had opportunities to go an other way of living my life. I was happy, and thats whats the most important.

    I personally, waited with losing my virginity until I found a girl I loved. I am very happy about that, even tho we are not together anymore. Some people thougth it was weird that I waited until I was 21 myself, since I had many opportunities myself before I lost it. But I simply told them that I don't like one-nigthstands. I only have sex with people I have feelings towards.

    At the age of 21, you are not really in a rush too. That is just a false thougth, and many people tell more then they have actually done.

    So what I am trying to tell you, is that it is only you that really knows if it is rigth or wrong. There is no correct answer. Losing the "label" won't change you really. You are still the same person.
    So if you want to have sex with her, and it makes you happy now - why not?
    If you want to wait, and it makes you happy now - why not?
     
    D. Jigen likes this.

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