Is getting a GF helpful??

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Destroyer of PMO, Aug 27, 2020.

Does having a girlfriend make NoFap easier?

  1. Yes

    17 vote(s)
    42.5%
  2. No

    23 vote(s)
    57.5%
  1. Yeah... Finding a suitable life partner helps you live a better life. (It's not a walk in the park though, and not everyone gets the prize either.)
     
    Upwards2020 likes this.
  2. Yes and no. You are trading one burden for another. It depends on you. I would weigh more towards "yes" in general, but this doesn't apply to me.
     
    Rehab101 likes this.
  3. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

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    So it's kinda subjective actually. I discovered i had PIED with my ex. We tried having sex for the first time and i couldn't get it up, so i quit PMO. Since i really loved this girl a lot, my resolve to not PMO ever was really strong and i made it to almost a year without any relapses. So yeah, it was a great support for me.
     
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  4. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I AM married to a porn user. So I AM giving someone a chance. I've dated a hard core porn addict before him as well, so I know what it's like to live under the tyranny of a limp penis. Would I be willing to get another one? No, I rather be dead. I have no more life to waste on that kind of men, unless they were 100% rid of it since years back and has worked through every corner of their mind with countless therapists.

    Porn addiction is not attractive. In fact, I can't think of anything more off putting than that. Well, pedophilia, which many porn addicts borderline dabble with as well ("barely 18", "daddy's little girl", teddy bears and diapers, nubile teen, school girls, all supposed to be legal, but yeah, everyone gets the innuendo!) Would you like your own daughter to waste her youth on someone who dealt with that in the past? Would you comfort her when he relapse for the tenth time, and she cries and wants to kill herself? When she says she can never ever trust a man again?

    I've noticed most men are incredibly generous with other people's time. Women are supposed to be forgiving and forgetting and supporting, all the while their best years go down the drain. I would say to a girl in her twenties to run for her life. Too many good guys out there to be stuck with someone who is already stuck in his own pants.
     
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  5. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I completely understand where you are coming from. If you feel like many years of your life have been wasted because of a mans porn use then I do completely understand why you would never want to take this chance again.

    The way you speak though is the guys you were with never got better? Your husband still has issues with porn addiction and a limp dick even now?

    But surely guys can get over this and improve their life? Surely guys can stop using porn or compulsively using it and get over the sexual dysfunctions?

    I'm sorry but the way you come across is if a guy is a porn addict and has sexual dysfunctions then he doesn't have much hope of improving, and every young woman who is thinking about getting with a guy like this should run for the hills.

    But I do understand why you have this view, because of your own experience with guys who are porn addicts.

    So do you not think that any young woman in her twenties should take a chance on a young guy in his twenties that uses this forum? Because clearly most guys that use this forum have issues with porn. Do you think that a young woman in her twenties shouldn't take a chance on a young guy in his twenties who uses this forum even if he is doing everything in his power to better his life to get over porn addiction and cure sexual dysfunctions? Do you still think a young woman in her twenties shouldn't even consider taking a chance on a guy like this?

    The problem with this is if every woman shared your views then guys who have got to the point they have porn addiction and sexual dysfunctions will have blown their one and only chance in life. As if every woman shared your views then no guy like this would get a chance, no guy on this forum would get a chance.

    Remember most guys don't realise porn is harmful until they start experiencing negative issues from their porn use, when they realise they are heavily addicted to porn and have sexual dysfunctions. This usually happens after many years of heavy use.

    But what I am saying is most men had no idea what they were doing was harmful. They just seen it as something that was really enjoyable. But then they only realised it was harmful when the damage was already done. When they had rewired their brains to the point of heavy addiction and sexual dysfunctions.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
  6. Survival 3 Man

    Survival 3 Man Fapstronaut

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    A big no because your not ready, once you have completed your reboot you will be centred and look at women differently for real companionship. At the moment you will be using her as a tool and even if you do recover and shes leaves you, you will return to porn because you haven't mastered your sexual self. Only you can change yourself, if you need accountability join a group eg the vanguard these people have a common goal to remove sexual desires and replace them with meaningful spouse and children. Man you need to learn how process emotions and transmutate energy. And follow the Lord for guidance.
     
    Roady likes this.
  7. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    NO, absolutely not. No struggling porn addict is ANYWHERE NEAR ready to commit to another human being. Why on earth do you want to ruin another person's life, isn't it enough to ruin your own?!

    Relationships doesn't "help" porn addiction, if anything, it makes it go worse over time.

    Fix yourself, THEN commit to a partner.

    And yes, porn addiction and limp dick is 100% treatable.
     
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  8. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I completely understand what you are saying.

    The thing is though from what I have read on yourbrainonpron part of the rewiring process is actually getting with a woman, sexually wiring your self to a real person.

    You might of noticed from what some people are posting on this thread that they actually think getting a girlfriend, getting with real women can actually help them get out of this addiction, it can help them sexually rewire to real women.

    I'm sorry I do understand what you are saying. But you somewhat come across like a guy shouldn't ever do any of this if it could potentially put a woman at risk of falling in love with them and then the guy continues to struggle with porn addiction and sexual dysfunctions.

    Naturally a guy with porn addiction is going to try to do everything to improve their life, and they are naturally going to want a woman in their life. They need to take a chance. But you sound like you don't want a guy like this to take a chance if they don't know for a fact that they will 100% never return to porn again. No porn addict can 100% know that for sure.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
  9. What a great topic. I was just thinking about this!!

    Getting a girlfriend IS helpful in many ways. To be ultra-brief, our addictions have made us very sick and love is what we need to heal. Of course, the most important love is that which we get from ourselves and by treating our bodies and mind with respect - exercise, sleep, good nutrition, not blasting our brains with porn . . .
    If you have a girlfriend and it is a healthy, loving and respectful relationship . . . it will definitely help with your recovery.

    However, I found that it was easier to do hard mode when I was single. Having sex with orgasms triggers my body's craving for more orgasms. Having sex without orgasm is a little better, but can leave me with blue balls and an urge for release.

    The other phenomena that I am experiencing is that sexual stimuli from other women seem way more compelling than when I was single. o_O
    How is that possible? I'm not tempted to date or get in a relationship with other women. But when I see women wearing revealing clothing, it drives me up the wall! :eek:
    I had been thinking that perhaps it is CoVid. Maybe it is. Maybe women are wearing more revealing clothing this summer because they don't care right now. Or, maybe some are wearing extra sexy outfits because they feel starved for attention after so much time in isolation. This might be true. But I think having a girlfriend also increases my sexual response. It's the "forbidden fruit" syndrome. The shame that I feel about being attracted to other women makes them that much more compelling.

    End lesson is the same one that I got from my friends with partners when I would bewail the fact that I had been single for years and years - the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Both have their pros and cons.
     
  10. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    If you want a GF then go get one. I’m single now, but in 4 months, around new years, I plan to start online dating just for the fun of it. The key though for me is...between then and now I’m working on myself. I want to jump into the dating world as a transformed or at least very much improved prospect to the opposite sex.

    For example, I’ve run a couple marathons (26.2 miles). And months before the actually day of the race, first, I have to sign up for the race. Then, for the next so many months I have to train and be ready for race-day and that 26 miles I have to run. The thing about running 26 miles is, if you slack on your training and are not in shape for it; it will kick your ass and be a long day. So when I sign up for a race, I have to be committed to putting in the work. So for those months leading up to race day I always got focused and ready.

    Same deal with this online dating I want to start 4 months from now. I’m lifting weights, really working on my diet, 2 cold showers a day, reading, working overtime, really being productive so that come new years when I start online dating I can, in a way, be a new man and start my new life. That’s how I see it.

    So back to you. Go get a girlfriend if you want one, but in the process of finding one, and when you find one, make sure you are constantly working on improving yourself. Otherwise, you probably won’t be able to hold a long term relationship anyway.

    Peace and love.
     
  11. AManWithAStrongHeart

    AManWithAStrongHeart Fapstronaut

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    I JUST WANT TO QUIT IT FOREVER. So I think it will help, at least when you are bored or you have no meaning in life, but after i need some purpose in life
     
  12. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Porn is enough of an issue already. Now you have to deal with woman issue too. Just remember the whole package.
     
  13. chris555

    chris555 Fapstronaut

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    Lol hell now if anything having a girlfriend will make your life harder, what a lot of men fail to realize is having a Girlfriend is a lot of work mentally and physically. If your happy and your mind is stable and you got resources to burn through then finding a women to date can become a priority but if your miserable mentally unstable or don't have money a women will only make everything worse.

    Honestly the most stressful times of my life was when I was with a women so I don't think a women would help you out at this present moment.
     
  14. black_coyote

    black_coyote Fapstronaut

    " A MAN MUST FIND HIMSELF BEFORE HE FINDS HIS WOMAN"

    You find your stability alone, on your own, and learn to stand on your own feet brother. Because contrary to what is shown in the pop culture, no angel is going to magically come to your life and heal your pain.

    If you can't handle yourself in solitude, there is very little chance you will find peace in relationship.
     
  15. ElderStatesman

    ElderStatesman Fapstronaut

    No.

    Controversial answer? Too direct and oversimplified? Maybe.

    To bring a huge topic down to two sides:
    1. Being in a relationship will help you develop into a fuller person, which is necessary to fighting your addiction.
    2. You’re not ready to be in a relationship until you can control your addiction.
    Add to that the thought that it depends on...(fill in your favorite variable here). Then go figure.

    You are a porn addict. Whether you have a girl friend isn’t the issue. Your behavior is. Focus on that.
     
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  16. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    So, this is what most men think. That it will release the urges. My husband has found that sex makes the urges worse. So he has to limit the amount of sex we have. I could have sex every day, we dropped it to every other day but he was still struggling, so he dropped it to once a week. We are still trying to find what causes the chaser, because he doesn’t always have one. We may try sex twice a week and see if that works. He actually said it was easier to resist when we were doing 90 days no sex, no sexual stimuli of any kind.
     
  17. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I wil never, ever, be in a romantic relationship again because of the sheer possibility that I “ might” fall for a porn addict. Very, very few sex addicts get into long term recovery, just look at the success stories.... 30 days is a success? Seriously? Only stats I can find say 5% get into long term 5 years or more) recovery. That you find this harsh speaks volumes about how little you understand the pain a person goes through in a relationship like this.
     
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  18. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    So does the porn addict trying to recover just make peace with the fact that they have probably destroyed their life and not attempt to ever meet a woman in real life in case they risk putting them through the trouble of falling in love and being with a porn addict?
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2020
    ElderStatesman likes this.
  19. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Get clean. Period. Before you meet someone. Tell her about your addiction. Tell her where u are with it and how you work at staying clean. There are women who would b willing to take the risk. There are women who aren’t. Be man enough to be 100% honest from the beginning. I have a pretty good relationship with my husband, in fact, so good, the first csat we went to together was perplexed by us. However, I have been severely damaged and changed by his addiction. That is why I’d never risk it again. There is no way I’d ever go through this again.
     
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  20. !mkj!

    !mkj! Fapstronaut

    Wow. Lots of perspectives. I'll throw in my two cents worth (maybe 1 cent).
    I'm 73 years old. Have had a pmo problem for at least 60 of those years. My wife discovered I was not completely pure when I attempted an extramarital affair early in our marriage. Thanks be to God I was rejected, which put a fear in me of attempting it again since it hurt my pride so much. (See the self centered reason. Not because it hurt my wife, but because it made me embarrassed. What a jerk I was [am]) Fortunately for me she loves me enough that she forgave me and we continued on, which may be unfortunate for her considering she still has to deal with a grown man who when the urge strikes him becomes a self-centered, emotional adolescent.

    I don't believe I'm unique. Most men on here, as far as I can tell, still struggle with it regardless of their age. I can easily see why a woman would never want to get involved with a pmo addict, substantially recovered or not. Some people don't want to get involved with people who have an anger problem, or a weight problem, or whatever kind of problem. Some people don't want a relationship with another person because they have curly hair, or don't have curly hair. I'm not trying to trivialize pmo with these comparisons. I'm just saying I can easily see why someone who has been in a relationship with a pmo addict would never want another one. It's a far bigger red flag than hair color, weight, or other stuff. I think Lylla_My has a perfectly valid attitude. Does that hurt our (pmo's) pride, maybe, but life is not fair. We have to play the hand we've been dealt, just like other people have to do the best they can with whatever handicap they've been given.

    Because of this site I have another hope of breaking free for a substantial period of time. (maybe permanent). Praise God for that. Maybe I'll be able to love my wife properly for a period of time before we pass on. Still, I know that it might not happen. Even though I really want to quit when the urges are not hitting me. That part of me is going to have to take control of my behavior and put the other part of me to death. Let it be so. Let it be so.

    Lylla_My, I perfectly understand your attitude and don't feel in the least bit offended. In fact I had to laugh at your colorful detailed list of reasons. LOL Pmo addicts are a bunch of jerks. Some of us are trying to be less jerky, but we're still jerks.
    Thanks to everyone for your support and prayers. God bless ya'll.
     
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