Is getting a GF helpful??

Just my thought on this. The urge to PMO comes from something in your husband's life that is the root of his problem. The effect of that problem waxes and wains depending on how strong the root issue is affecting him. Sex while that effect is strong = chaser effect. Sex will that effect is less strong or better under control = no chaser effect. Finding that underlying root cause, and his getting control over it, means you can have as much sex as you want. The problem is that underlying cause might be very deep and he might never get control of it completely. So you may have trouble ever getting to that point with a porn addict.

 

I agree and disagree, lol. After years of therapy and group work, my husband does know his underlying causes. He Is pretty good now at being able to identify what he’s actually feeling ie anxiety not sexual desire when he feels the urge to watch Porn. Since I discussed this with my csat she explained that the years of abuse tied to orgasm lights up those pathways similar to a road that runs right alongside a highway. The highway being his porn use, the smaller road would be sex with me. Not the same pathway but close enough to cause problems. I agree though that the chaser most likely comes in when he also has some anxiety or stress present that he isn’t fully aware of. Combined with high frequency of sex seems to cause more chasers though.

 

I believe that the idea of trying to find a relationship to cure porn addiction is wrong and insensitive.

The addict's brain sees no difference between pixels and real women!

Once you see a porn stuff, you feel the dopamine hit and when you decide to act on it, your primitive brain assumes you have found a new mate to propagate your genes, and pumps in more dopamine.

This proves that our brain sees no difference between pixels and real woman.

THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM WE GET HOOKED TO CRAP IS BECAUSE WE GIVE VALUE TO THE CRAP.

The root problem of addiction is our identification with crap and stupidly believing it to be real.

The solution is to dis identify, It is upon us ourselves to unlearn this crap, to unlearn objectification - To teach the brain to differentiate between pixels and reality. It is upto us. It is a knack like learning guitar, or learning to cook.

Relationship can teach you intimacy, But developing intimacy does not equal to unlearning of crap.

I'm sorry for sounding harsh, but as long as you find value in crap, as long as you equate objectification and violence that is shown in porn with pleasure. As long as you believe that the piece of pixelated flesh you see in screen deserves more attention that your woman, as long as you don't feel disgusted by your sheer stupidity of wasting time, money, attention on screen watching crap that you wouldn't want your children to get hooked to, as long as you keep justifying your stupidity by blaming on your life situations, you won't annihilate this addiction.

Your woman has got nothing to do with it.

It has everything to do with you teaching yourself to disassociate from pixels.

It has everything to do with you striving to see people as people and not as objects.

Your woman can walk the path with you, but she can't walk it for you.

You have to do that for yourself.

 

Weighing in again. The question of the thread is “Is getting a GF helpful?”

Along with many others here, I say “No.” The question of whether to seek a relationship while addicted is, to me at least, another matter.

Alcoholics addressing their addiction don’t think of themselves as ex-alcoholics. They are in recovery, but will always be alcoholics. What I’ve come to face is that I will always be a porn addict. I am choosing recovery. I plan to succeed, but I believe no matter how far I go one slip can take me back, just as an alcoholic dares not take that “one little drink.”

So if I’m a porn addict for life, is my destiny to be alone?

For a porn addict to know just where in the recovery process they must be in order to think of themselves ready for a relationship is likely relative and subjective. There is no established science. And going through life alone is hard.