Is Girlfriend/Wife Cheating Automatically a Breakup, or Can Things Be "Evened Out"?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by jcl1990, May 10, 2022.

  1. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    I think this would be an interesting discussion. It is more geared towards heterosexual couples, with the woman cheating on the man first. But it could also apply to other orientations.

    Say for example, you find out your girlfriend or wife has cheated on you a total of 7 times with the same guy. Each time was sex for about 30 minutes. You find out about the cheating and you know for a fact it was a total of 7 times, for an average of 30 minutes. So that is a total of 210 minutes of "total physical cheating time".

    What if, instead of breaking up or getting a divorce, you (the man) is allowed to cheat for 210 total minutes with one other woman. The man's wife/girlfriend is obligated to help the man in this process such as helping to find another woman and even talking to this other woman to help convince her to have sex with her husband. The man "cheats" with another woman, with the wife's knowledge. The man has sex for 210 minutes as well.

    Could this save the relationship?

    Some people would say "two wrongs don't make a right". But what if this could "even out" the cheating, and maybe even save the relationship/marriage.

    For me, myself, if I had a girlfriend or a wife, and she cheated on me, this would be the only way I could possibly stay in the relationship. I would have to even things out. I wouldn't be able to continue in the relationship and just live with the fact that she had sex with another man.

    Or, maybe the betrayal would be too hurtful, and I would break up immediately. But the only way I'd even consider staying in the relationship is if things were "even out" first.
     
  2. Pentatonic

    Pentatonic Fapstronaut

    In my opinion, nope. Not only would I consider such an act unforgivable since if she did it 7 times, she couldn't have felt that guilty about it and I wouldn't trust her to never do it again. In this case, the phrase is valid. Two wrongs most certainly don't make a right. You'd still have to live with the fact that she did sleep with another man and that she let you sleep with another woman, which would only tell me that if she did it 7 times and then was somehow cool with you "evening" it out, she doesn't love you.

    Besides, I don't think it's healthy to think: "Huh, she slept with another guy? Cool, I get to ask out that chick from work." :emoji_sweat_smile:
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2022
  3. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    This logic is weapon's grade copium. If a woman cheats on you, send her packing. To do anything less is cuckoldry, no matter how you try to rationalise it.
     
  4. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Well, I can see your point. Cheating would breach the "love" feeling, could be unforgiveable for most people. Some people view sexuality a little differently though, like people in the past who went to swinger parties and stuff like that. But yea, from a traditional, "normal", marriage point of view, this whole scenario could be unforgiveable for a lot of people.
     
  5. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Yea, well it would be a huge breach of trust that's for sure. And very hurtful. To even begin a conversation about staying together, I think things would have to be "evened out" through an equal amount of sex with another woman.

    Then after that, maybe a new phase of the relationship could be salvaged.
     
  6. Pentatonic

    Pentatonic Fapstronaut

    Admittedly, I don't think any of us could definitively prove the scenario you're proposing is objectively wrong since this is obviously related to wisdom and not knowledge. However, I know not to put dead bugs in a blender, then drink it. You could do that, it's just extremely unlikely anything good would come out of it, lol. The same applies here.
     
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  7. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

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    "Cheating" doesn't have to mean immediate breakup, but it absolutely can't be resolved the way you're describing here. Fortunately for you, there's this
    It's all theoretical for you, which is good because you've got a lot of growing up to do.
     
  8. SamFischer

    SamFischer Fapstronaut

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    If she cheats, she belongs to the streets.

    Cheating yourself is a terrible way to deal with that. If and when it happens, break up and find someone who treats you like you're a human being. No one should tolerate cheaters.
     
  9. lunarlanding91

    lunarlanding91 Fapstronaut

    I'd say people generally deserve compassion and forgiveness. Human behavior is more directly linked to situational factors than personality. Trying to "even out" a relationship is unlikely to be constructive; it's highly transactional (e.g. calculating the minutes) and more vindictive than compassionate.
     
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  10. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Yea true, lol. Because yea on the physical, surface level, things would be even as far as the same amount of "cheating time". But it doesn't take into account things like emotions and other feelings
     
  11. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    A married couple swinging may be unorthodox (and certainly something most would balk at, married or not) but it isn't the same thing as the situation you describe in your first post. The first example is one person cheating on another, the second example would presumably be consensual and mutual. Now we're getting into the "are threesomes cheating?" argument and that's a whole other can of worms.

    Now this is purely theoretical, but I feel like any man (or woman) with any amount of self respect would dump a person if they found out they were cheating simply for that reason, no matter how much they loved them and no matter the situation. I'd like to think I would. Being a cuck is one of the most shameful things a man can be and no amount of trying to "even out" the situation would change that. Your partner cheats, and the only way to get even is for her to consent to you also cheating? A better option would be to throw all their possessions into a bonfire and leave them on the street like the gutter trash they obviously are.
     
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  12. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Yea, its just a theoretical post. And yea, I will be honest, I have never had a long term girlfriend before. So I don't have any real experience in this area
     
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  13. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Yea I do agree with the situational factor idea. If I was born in a different country and grew up in different circumstances, I'm sure I would have done different things and had a whole different life. I just don't think I, myself, would ever be able to continue a relationship after being cheated on. The only way I would even consider it, would be for things to get "evened out". Then I could maybe think about considering a way to fix the relationship.
     
  14. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    Thank you lol. I hate this modern attitude that cheating isn't a complete deal breaker, between people willingly cucking themselves and those who practice "polyamory" which is just cuckoldry with extra steps. OP technically isn't doing either cause his question is hypothetical but yeah, people are unironically like this.
     
  15. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Yea, well some cheating could be due to really extreme circumstances. Like say a husband or wife is out of town for multiple months and some very rare scenario happens and cheating occurs.

    And yea, I agree that being a cuck is one of the most shameful things a man can be. But a girlfriend or wife cheating on a man behind his back though is different than them cheating on him with his full awareness and support.

    So in this particular scenario, the man would be really mad he got cheated on. But then comes up with the idea, that if he has sex with another woman, then he might be able to stomach talking to his wife again long enough to possibly work something out.

    But yea, maybe the best situation in regards to cheating is to say "okay, the marriage contract has been broken. Things can no longer continue. All is lost and there is no salvaging it. We will now part ways and never speak to each other again"
     
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  16. Hammond Egger

    Hammond Egger Fapstronaut

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    :emoji_clap::emoji_clap::emoji_clap:
     
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  17. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Yea, well I'm not sure if the "mutual cheating" idea could even fix anything anyways. Once cheating happens, there will most likely be an inner hatred that will always be in the relationship. So things must be over then. I have never had a long term relationship before, so I wouldn't know how much this scenario would actually hurt.
     
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  18. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    If you aren't able to stay faithful during a period of abstinence then you shouldn't be in a relationship or marriage at all. Human's may be animals but we aren't completely driven by animal urges, we have the ability to rise above it and control ourselves. That's the whole point of this site after all.

    I think you misunderstand what cuckoldry is. Whether a man is aware of it or not, it is still cuckoldry. Supporting it is disgusting but to try and rationalise it is pathetic. I would say much the same to a woman who is cheated on - dump his ass.
     
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  19. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    Well, I've never been cheated on so I don't know what I'd do. I also find the scenario unrealistic. I mean how can you know for a fact it's happened 7 times, for an average of 30 minutes? I can only imagine you would know if you were aware it was going on and were counting/timing it. And if you were sitting around counting/timing anything your partner does in a relationship it's unhealthy.

    Maybe you should focus on getting a long term girlfriend and forget this whole scenario.
     
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  20. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    This isn't new. The concept of forgiveness, repentance, and reconciliation has been around for centuries.
     

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