Is Girlfriend/Wife Cheating Automatically a Breakup, or Can Things Be "Evened Out"?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by jcl1990, May 10, 2022.

  1. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    You know what else has been a concept for centuries? Let me fill you in. Standards and self-respect. Which a person clearly doesn't have if they accept a cheater back into their lives. There's a reason the lowest circle of Hell is reserved for traitors, which cheaters are.
     
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  2. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    For some reason a post I made last night still hasn't been approved by the moderators. I think it might be because I used what the filter might consider a derogatory word for a promiscuous person. Anyway, it was directed at OP and the gist was that if a person cant be faithful during the scenarios he outlined, they should not be in a relationship or married to begin with. And that I share this attitude for men and women, and I would tell a woman who had a man who cheated the exact same thing.
     
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  3. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    Lol no.... definitely not. This is very, very unhealthy.

    From the title of the thread, I would have said yes, of course cheating can sometimes be forgiven and people can work it out. But someone cheating SEVEN times? Absolutely not. Automatic break up, in my opinion.

    And no, the other person cheating is obviously not going to fix anything... I really don't understand why anyone would even think, for a second, that that would work.
     
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  4. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    The thing that could save the relationship would be remorse, forgiveness, working on the relationship, rebuilding trust, working on whatever might have been wrong in the relationship that may have led the cheating party to look elsewhere for intimacy, etc. And this is only if the person is deeply remorseful and regrets their actions, not if they just don't even give a crap.

    I'm sorry, but this is how children handle problems. "You hit me, so I get to hit you back." There's a reason most adults grow out of that phase. That's not how resolution happens.

    The scenario you described is like this:

    You move into a beautiful house with someone, and they take a bunch of cans of paint and splatter them all over the walls and floor and furniture. Now your options are either a) forgive them and work together on cleaning things up and trying to fix/replace the things they damaged beyond repair as best as you can, or b) tell them they need to move out because you don't trust them anymore to not throw paint everywhere and damage your stuff, and then YOU still have to work on cleaning up the damage yourself and fixing the things that are broken. Or you just move out, yourself, and ignore the problem, which will only leave it for someone else to deal with later.

    The "solution" you've suggested would be if you said "throwing that paint looked like fun, I wanna do it too." So you go and throw a bunch of paint everywhere too. How exactly would that be helpful? All you've done is added more damage to the mix. That's not a solution. The damage is still all over the place, only now there's more of it. So how do you expect the relationship to be better, moving forward? It's only going to be worse. You throwing paint doesn't cancel out the paint she threw. It just makes a bigger mess.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2022
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  5. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    Oh no! People are unironically forgiving and willing to offer someone mercy and grace? *gasp* The horror!
     
  6. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    It also seems like people are unironically taking what I'm posting out of context by only quoting certain parts of what I'm saying. You're the second person to do this and deliberate or not it comes across as rather disingenuous.

    I have an extremely strong set of moral values and cheating (or any sort of traitorous behavior) is utterly intolerable for me. That is where I draw the line. Others are free to do as they please of course - if you go back a few posts you will see that even I'm stumped on what actually constitutes cheating when it comes to certain things like threesomes or swinging - but by the same virtue I am certainly going give my opinion on it, which at the end of the day is what OP asked for.
     
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  7. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    Well the thing is, it doesn't sound like that's how you feel when you continuously say that anyone who stays with someone who cheated on them has no self respect and is a cuck.

    And no, I didn't take anything you said out of context at all... it was totally in context. I've read all of your replies.
     
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  8. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    Others are free to do as they wish, just as I am free to think (or openly say, if the situation calls for it) that someone who does something I disagree with is foolish. In the case of cheating, I absolutely do think a person who accepts a cheater back lacks self respect. Someone else is entitled to think differently, but ultimately their opinion means nothing to me just as mine means nothing to them. Perhaps a couple could find a way to salvage a relationship after cheating, but I know I wouldn't be able to do that.

    I believed you to be taking me out of context because you quoted part of a sentence in a wider paragraph that contextualized my wider point. You may have read every reply but you would be surprised how many people don't.
     
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  9. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    For those who clearly aren't aware, by definition a man who is cheated on is a cuckold. When I use the word, I am using it in it's correct context, not just as an insult.
     
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  10. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Wikipedia definition:

    Cuckold

    A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife; the wife of an adulterous husband is a cuckquean. In biology, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring.
     
  11. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    So cheating seven times versus cheating only one time makes a big difference then? I guess from an emotional standpoint, cheating once could possibly be seen as a momentary lapse of judgement, but seven times would mean a true, sustained, well thought out effort to cheat.

    I guess I would just think that by the other person cheating as well, then both people have now done something "taboo", so maybe the relationship could be rebuilt from the ashes
     
  12. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    I can see your point here. But I don't think the scenario in this original post is completely wrong. Humans seem to have a built in idea of things being "fair" and also that there is justice. Even in the Old Testament writings, the Mosaic Law said such things as "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, blow for blow, hit for hit"

    I just think, from a man's perspective, or at least from my perspective, if my girlfriend or wife had sexual relations with another man during our relationship, I don't think I'd ever be able to get back to normal with her, no matter how "remorseful" she was. That's why I was thinking, if the man cheated as well, for an equal amount of time... then yea, the relationship would probably get a little more weird.. however, maybe something new could be rebuilt.

    Kind of like your house scenario... both parties cover the place with paint, then they both decide to burn the house down, and build a new one

    Its all just theoretical though for me, since I've never been in a long term relationship before, so I can't perceive the inner/emotional aspects of this scenario. I'm just viewing from the outside
     
  13. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Another point to this.. what if the person being cheated on is financially dependent on the cheater. This makes things much more complicated. Or if a couple has children together. In the scenario where someone is financially dependent on another person, then the person being cheated on is in a potentially very abusive situation. But most of the time it seems it is the woman who is financially dependent on the man, at least throughout history, maybe not as much now in modern society.

    But in this original post, mostly talking about a man being cheated on by girlfriend/wife.
     
  14. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    True haha. I guess a more realistic scenario would be "the girlfriend/wife cheated over the course of 3 weeks", so now to even things out, the boyfriend/husband cheats for three weeks straight.

    And yea, well I've tried to get a girlfriend in the past. The girls I have asked out though have said no. And the girls that do like me, I am not very attracted to. So I have sort of been doing a monk type lifestyle lately. Also, am thinking about switching careers or searching for a new job. So am working on that right now. I may start making approaches though anyways in the meantime
     
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  15. Hammond Egger

    Hammond Egger Fapstronaut

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    I know a guy who has a girlfriend who cheated on him with 2 black dudes and he came back running to her because he thinks she's "the one." He's currently engaged to her.

    True beta male cuck.

    The guys who pounded her are probably hysterically laughing at his stupidity.
     
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  16. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    There are a lot of situations we could think of where it isn't as simple and my admittedly hardline values don't fit the situation neatly. But in my opinion even when this is the case, it doesn't undermine what I originally said. A woman may choose to stay with a cheating husband not for her own sake but for her children's; in this case she gives up her own self respect and dignity for the children's. The wife isn't forgiving the husband in that situation, she is just protecting her kids. This is a far cry from working out some strange equation to "equalise" the relationship.

    At the end of the day, what do I know, I'm on a porn addict forum and I was last kissed, let alone anything else, nearly 15 years ago. Maybe I'm not the ultimate authority on relationships:D
     
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  17. SamFischer

    SamFischer Fapstronaut

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    I'm 33 and I've dated in the past. I turn them down a lot (I'm not interested right now. I have too many issues that I need to work on first.) Based on what little I know about you, it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let the "pick me boys" and "bitter nice girls" of NoFap dissuade you from the path your on. It's frustrating dealing with these people lol. I imagine this is what it feels like to be a normal person on Reddit...
     
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  18. Daniel Plainview

    Daniel Plainview Fapstronaut

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    Lol, thanks for the support. My honest opinion is that some things can't be forgiven, that you have to have moral boundaries or you'll become a person others use. For me betrayal is one of them. I consider it to be a very serious thing. Obviously some don't, or maybe do but would be more willing to compromise. I'm not lol. If someone betrays me I remove them from my life; I already spent too many years chasing after people who would fuck me over again and again, I won't return to that pathetic existence.
     
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  19. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    Yes, I quoted a small part of what you said. But I didn't take it out of context. We'll just have to agree to disagree about that I guess.

    Yeah, of course you are free to do that. Just as I am free to say what I said in response... and we are going to go in circles. Lol nobody said you weren't free to say what you want to say.
     
  20. TakingTheSteps

    TakingTheSteps Fapstronaut

    Certainly makes a difference to me.

    I just don't see any logic in that at all. Because you are ignoring the actual problem. Cheating doesn't just happen out of nowhere. There are clearly problems there that need to be addressed. Retaliation doesn't fix anything.

    I'm not going to get into a Biblical analysis with you, but this is soooo not the same as what you are suggesting in this post. That is not at all what that Biblical passage is suggesting.

    Yeah, that's how most people would feel. That's why most of the time cheating ends the relationship. Which is the healthy thing to do in that position.

    I just don't see any reason why you would think that the man cheating as well would lead to anything new being rebuilt. That makes no sense to me at all.

    Why does the second person need to cover the house with paint before they burn it down together? What does that serve? Burning it down is also a bad analogy, because that's not how relationships work. You can't just burn down your problems. You have to clean them up and fix them. That's why I used the cleaning up analogy. Adding more paint to the mix would just make a bigger mess to deal with. There is no easy out in a relationship, like burning the house down. Except breaking up.

    Maybe that's the issue. Although I don't really think you need to have relationship experience in order to understand that the solution you're suggesting would be a huge mess.
     
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