Is Girlfriend/Wife Cheating Automatically a Breakup, or Can Things Be "Evened Out"?

Once the dark triad is revealed, I think it is foolish to aim for reconciliation. Why waste so much exhausting efforts on a manipulative person ?

 

I don't think everyone who has ever cheated is automatically a "manipulative person." Like I said, it depends greatly on the situation.

There is a HUGE difference between, say, someone intentionally going out to find someone to cheat with, talking to them behind their partners back, setting up a time to meet, doing the deed and then lying about it for years until they finally get caught and someone, say, going on a business trip, drinking too much, getting approached by someone who is extremely flirty and pushes themselves on them, and they give in and then wake up in the morning and feel disgusting and terrible and call their partner immediately to confess what happened.

I'm just using those two different scenarios to illustrate that not all cheating is the same. I don't think you can say all cheaters are manipulative or have all these other "dark traits." They aren't all the same, so that's impossible to say without knowing the situation. You said cheating involves a lot of "manipulation, lies, and scheming," but that second situation I just described involved none of those things.

 

You're right, it's not. And I don't know about you, but for me it wouldn't really make a difference I think. I think I wouldn't be able to get past such a violation of trust, which it still is in both scenarios you presented.

 

That's fine. I was talking to someone else about what they said specifically about cheaters being manipulative and lying and scheming.

 

Yea, I saw that. I just thought I'd share my opinion. I wasn't trying to get involved in the discussion or anything.

 

Even if the second scenario looks more 'accidental' at first glance. It's not as 'random' as it may look like, it could have been avoided if the engaged person didn't become wasted on a business trip.

People are always told to moderate alcohol consumption to avoid such negative consequences. Even in this case I won't excuse the cheaters.

As a side note, this drinking excuse is used by cheaters a lot once their Extra-marital lovers threaten to uncover them. Have you ever thought that it's nothing more than a fabricated lie ? Only used as a last resort ?

Have you ever thought about this possibility ? Since nothing can prove that it's exactly what happened.

 

Yeah, obviously. My point was that I wouldn't call that person malicious or "scheming" or lying or manipulative. My point was that situations are different and there are varying degrees of wrongdoing. To me, being stupid enough to get drunk and get in that situation is very, very different than intentionally cheating regularly with multiple people or something.

Dude, it was a hypothetical situation used to illustrate a point.

I never asked you to excuse them.. I wouldn't excuse them either. I merely said that it doesn't make them a manipulative liar who is scheming.

 

Well, it's true that this point is kind of valid. But each shows different types of bad traits; irresponsibility and manipulation. Both are harmful in different ways, being with someone highly irresponsible isn't any better than being with someone manipulative.

To explain more, the irresponsible person gambles with your trust because they can't 'sacrifice' their desire to get wasted. which in turn indicates selfishness, because they knew damn well that getting highly drunk may lead to them betraying their spouse and they still took the risk anyways.

 

I understand, but that was just one example.