Is having sex with different women same as PMO

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Goodluck, Jan 3, 2018.

  1. Goodluck

    Goodluck Fapstronaut

    I recently found my husband had contacts and had sex with various women when he was alone in a country where it's easy to get sex (I don't like that country).

    I know he didn't like to have sex with me. Even when we were together, he said it's tiring. And I knew he preferred M than real sex with me and he was watching porn as well. When I came to this site and I was thinking he might be addicted.

    Is having sex with different women same as PMO. Is him forgivable? He claims that he loves me.

    We already have a kid.
  2. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    Is it the same? No.

    Does it feel the same from your point of view? Possibly, at least in some ways.

    Does it push some of the same buttons in him? Probably; eg. they both tap into the Coolidge effect (search for novelty).

    Can you forgive him? Only you can answer that. Try rephrasing it as "do you want to forgive him?" (because that's what it boils down to), in case that's somehow easier to answer.

    Of course, can you forgive him, and should you forgive him, are two different questions. "He claims that he loves me" doesn't sound particularly awe-inspiring. What else can he offer?

    (OK, I'll stop now, what the f*** do I know anyway...)
    Hopefulgirl, anewhope and Reverent like this.
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    There is porn addiction and sex addiction (some just put both under the sex addiction)

    In my opinion sex addiction involves real women, porn addiction involves pixelated women. That is how I make the distinction.

    And forgiveness is up to you, and forgiveness takes time.
    anewhope and Jennica like this.
  4. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

    My heart goes out to you.
    I have a few questions, he was having sex with multiple real women while in a relationship with you?
    Where they in prostitution/escorts, random one night stands/ hookups more of emotional physical affairs?
    You may want to look at Sex addiction as well as porn addiction. There many links that breakdown type of affairs as well and can go hand in hand with sex addiction.
    The forgiveness is personal and up to you but yes it’s possible.
    My husband had what’s known as an exit affair but shortly after changed his mind and wanted to stay married and was part of the escalation of his PA.

    Read and understand as much as you can.
  5. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    It is pretty black and white to me. YES HE HAS AN ADDICTION. He may not believe he does, that is called denial.

    Here is how I know, if he doesn't believe he is addicted then ask him to stop. OH WAIT YOU DID. He actually made vows of faithfulness to you when you were married. And evidently he couldn't stop from screwing around with a wife at home, and a child. (The child has nothing to do with this BTW).

    So either he is addicted or he could always control his penis, and chose deliberately to go against your vows.

    If Addicted you can work with that, there is hope and healing.

    If he is in perfect control, than he is an insensitive bastard. I'd leave.

    For what it's worth, I am so so sorry you are dealing with this. It's wasn't the country's fault he acted out, and it certainly isn't your fault. What ever you do don't believe the crazy-making spin he make speak to you. You did nothing wrong. He needs help. Best of luck.
    Numb, GG2002, anewhope and 2 others like this.
  6. Goodluck

    Goodluck Fapstronaut

    Thanks everyone. I never heard about sex addiction or porn addiction before. Thank you. I am very frustrated, sad, angry, and cannot sleep.
  7. Goodluck

    Goodluck Fapstronaut

  8. Goodluck

    Goodluck Fapstronaut

    If it's a sex addict, is there a cure for that? Anyone knows where I can find the resources? Thanks!
  9. Goodluck

    Goodluck Fapstronaut

    I just wonder if sex addiction can be healed by the same method here (like the rebooting?)
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    I don’t think sex addiction can be cured by rebooting like PMO addiction can. How would you conduct that reboot, by him not having sex with other people? I think you have already asked him not to do that. I think the only way is through counseling and a lot of hard work on his part and yours. Can it be cured, sure it can but he has to want it to be cured. You can want him to stop and be cured all you want, but he has to want it and I don’t read that he does. You can be hurt, but until he feels the pain personally (usually called rock bottom) nothing will change. I know how you must feel, your world has been turned upside down and you want so much for him to be the man you throught he was, but he’s not. Protect yourself, get some counseling to cope with this and know that nothing can happen until HE wants it to.

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