Is it Cheating or Weird Behavior?

Does this constitute cheating?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 4 44.4%

  • No.

    Votes: 5 55.6%
  • Total voters
    9
Sondae

Sondae

Fapstronaut
I made a thread in this forum yesterday about how I may have cheated on my girlfriend. However, I want to know if what I did actually constitutes cheating or if it was just a weird thing that I should not have done.

The basic run down is that I have a pantsing fetish. I met up with a girl I've been friends with for five years to do a transaction for my side business (I sell CDs and she wanted some Taylor Swift ones). Me and this girl have pantsed each other before, but that was before we both got into relationships. We met up to do the transaction, we talked about life and such for about 15 minutes, and then something overcame me and I just pantsed her. We both laughed it off and she found it funny and did not mind. I tried again once or twice but failed. At some point she told me what underwear she had on because I did not see them from her shirt covering her up. We talked about something else for a few minutes and then we left.

If you read the original thread, you know that her boyfriend was suspicious about our meet up and forced her to stop being friends with me. I don't know if he knows about the pantsing thing or not, as the girl swore to me that she did not tell him (and she is one of the most trustworthy people I know). Definitely a bad situation, and I feel terrible.

My question is, does that constitute cheating? Or is that just a weird behavior that is not on the level of cheating but is certainly not something I should do again? Obviously, I won't do it again. I've learned my lesson big time. However, it's not like I had sex or made out with her. Of course, cheating is different for everyone, so some may consider it to be while others may not think so.

Really, just let me know if you think that was cheating in your personal opinion.
 
I think having a good set of boundaries would be helpful. In SAA, there's something called the 3 Circles.

The inner circle consists of all behaviors that you consider acting out and would constitute a relapse or reset. (using porn, MB)

The middle circle consists of behaviors that may not be considered resets, but they're still not healthy. Oftentimes, crossing middle circle boundaries can lead to crossing inner circle ones. (logging into Tinder; removing safe search)

And the outer circle consists of behaviors that are healthy; ones I need to practice to ensure self growth (exercise, going to meetings)

Write them down. Be specific and update them often because it won't be perfect the first time around. But this helped me immensely.
 
Sondae said:
I made a thread in this forum yesterday about how I may have cheated on my girlfriend. However, I want to know if what I did actually constitutes cheating or if it was just a weird thing that I should not have done.

The basic run down is that I have a pantsing fetish. I met up with a girl I've been friends with for five years to do a transaction for my side business (I sell CDs and she wanted some Taylor Swift ones). Me and this girl have pantsed each other before, but that was before we both got into relationships. We met up to do the transaction, we talked about life and such for about 15 minutes, and then something overcame me and I just pantsed her. We both laughed it off and she found it funny and did not mind. I tried again once or twice but failed. At some point she told me what underwear she had on because I did not see them from her shirt covering her up. We talked about something else for a few minutes and then we left.

If you read the original thread, you know that her boyfriend was suspicious about our meet up and forced her to stop being friends with me. I don't know if he knows about the pantsing thing or not, as the girl swore to me that she did not tell him (and she is one of the most trustworthy people I know). Definitely a bad situation, and I feel terrible.

My question is, does that constitute cheating? Or is that just a weird behavior that is not on the level of cheating but is certainly not something I should do again? Obviously, I won't do it again. I've learned my lesson big time. However, it's not like I had sex or made out with her. Of course, cheating is different for everyone, so some may consider it to be while others may not think so.

Really, just let me know if you think that was cheating in your personal opinion.
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If my husband did that I would absolutely consider it cheating. Even more devastating if he lied to me about it ( by omission or outright). I think it’s creepy as hell and sick and I deserve to know. But hey, talk to your girlfriend and see how she feels about it. Then you will know.
 
This is inappropriate because you are not in a type of relationship with this person in which pantsing would have been a sex-positive experience. Whether you were hoping for more or not, it was disrespectful to your gf. I don't think it rises to the level of cheating; however, since you describe it as a fetish, it might have been bad for your own sense of what's good for you and might indicate out-of-control behavior.
 
Psalm27:1my light said:
If my husband did that I would absolutely consider it cheating. Even more devastating if he lied to me about it ( by omission or outright). I think it’s creepy as hell and sick and I deserve to know. But hey, talk to your girlfriend and see how she feels about it. Then you will know.
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I completely agree with Psalm, if I had a girlfriend that done that and told me, she would be packing and leaving that evening.
However I completely disagree with Psalm, if you want to stay with your gf, dont tell her. Ever. And stop doing that.

This is literary advice from one of best sex therapist what to do when you cheat: "keep denying it, keep denying it, keep denying it". (Unless there is 100% proof). That's because proven cheating will cause loss of trust that will never ever be fully repaired. But if you keep denying it (and also stop doing that) after certain time passed without any incident suspicious partner will come to conclusion that she must be wrong and full trust will be regained.
 
JustinX said:
This is literary advice from one of best sex therapist what to do when you cheat: "keep denying it, keep denying it, keep denying it". (Unless there is 100% proof). That's because proven cheating will cause loss of trust that will never ever be fully repaired. But if you keep denying it (and also stop doing that) after certain time passed without any incident suspicious partner will come to conclusion that she must be wrong and full trust will be regained.
Click to expand...

I'm very interested to know which therapist you're referring to who said this.
 
JustinX said:
This is literary advice from one of best sex therapist what to do when you cheat: "keep denying it, keep denying it, keep denying it". (Unless there is 100% proof). That's because proven cheating will cause loss of trust that will never ever be fully repaired. But if you keep denying it (and also stop doing that) after certain time passed without any incident suspicious partner will come to conclusion that she must be wrong and full trust will be regained.
Click to expand...

Who would have guessed that the best way to keep trust alive in your relationship would be to lie and manipulate the other person. Talk about a plot twist. I thought the best way to retain trust is to be truthful and not do things which violate that trust.

Thank god we have experts to clear this up.
 
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This is a really good explanation. I haven’t thought of it in such a well structured way before. I appreciate the feedback!

KevinesKay said:
I think having a good set of boundaries would be helpful. In SAA, there's something called the 3 Circles.

The inner circle consists of all behaviors that you consider acting out and would constitute a relapse or reset. (using porn, MB)

The middle circle consists of behaviors that may not be considered resets, but they're still not healthy. Oftentimes, crossing middle circle boundaries can lead to crossing inner circle ones. (logging into Tinder; removing safe search)

And the outer circle consists of behaviors that are healthy; ones I need to practice to ensure self growth (exercise, going to meetings)

Write them down. Be specific and update them often because it won't be perfect the first time around. But this helped me immensely.
Click to expand...
 
KevinesKay said:
I'm very interested to know which therapist you're referring to who said this.
Click to expand...
The guy is not English and articles about him are not in English, not even on Wikipedia. Dead already 1925-2010. For full story he did take it back at the end of his life but he clearly gave that advice on national TV about 40 years ago.

On top of that the same advice has been said in movie almost 60 years ago so "it has to be true".
I am putting it the spoilers because there is woman with naked back for few seconds and it might be triggering for some but it's damn funny.
 
JustinX said:
The guy is not English and articles about him are not in English, not even on Wikipedia. Dead already 1925-2010. For full story he did take it back at the end of his life but he clearly gave that advice on national TV about 40 years ago.

On top of that the same advice has been said in movie almost 60 years ago so "it has to be true".
I am putting it the spoilers because there is woman with naked back for few seconds and it might be triggering for some but it's damn funny.
Click to expand...
According to wikipedia the guy was married twice and his son from the second marriage commited suicide. Dont think that the guy is a good source of advice. Although I know he was very popular.
 
I don’t consider it cheating, perhaps very strong flirting, but not cheating. I’d say just forget about it, you went and did the CD transaction and that was the end of it

Good to know people actually care enough about their girlfriends/boyfriends to be concerned about this

I’d figure a guy being uneasy about his girlfriend going to meet up with another guy would be looked at as “possessive” and looked at negatively, maybe that’s why she wanted you to pants her and talk about her underwear, to show her boyfriend that she can do whatever she wants
 
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