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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by kilometrico, May 1, 2018.
hi i'm just curious.
let me know your past experience guys =)
i think being single is more difficult to quit this addiction
because we have to control all our temptations
but i cant say much about this............no experience in this
Depends what you want. If you want to quit with porn and M I say yes. Because if you can have sex to get the orgasm feeling going. If you also want to quit PMO it might be harder, since you cant have sex with your gf. If this is something your GF is fine with, then its no big deal.
Also you gf can always support you, so in that view it might be easier.
No!!!!! It just brings someone else an innocent party into the mystery of your addiction. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the SOs section and the hell that the Partners addiction has wreaked on their lives! Or maybe the married guys who got married as an addict. See how well that worked out for them. Pmo addiction has little to do with sex. It may have started that way but that’s not why an addiction develops. It’s just like any other drug addiction. You pmo because you are bored or sad or lonely and want to avoid those feelings. So sex won’t solve that. And when you get into a relationship you have someone else’s feelings on top of your own to deal with. You often can’t perform in bed due to your addiction so you lie leading to more hurt and pain. You are more stressed due to feelings of inadequacy and so you pmo more. It’s a very common misconception that access the sex solves anything pmo when it almost always makes it worse.
I co sign this, and am in a relationship
I had my first gf at 20 and didn't quit PMOing either because she didn't turn me on at all (she was fat and didn't like to wear fashionable clothes or makeup) or because I was way too much into my addiction (back then I used to stroke it up to three times a week, most of times at harder-than-hardcore stuff), even now I can't tell for sure lol; but now in my personal experience I can tell you that you shouldn't even try to have a date before quitting PMO for at least a week, and not to spect to have sex with her before the second - third date, which means that in the meantime you're all by your own.
No, a girlfriend does not help at all.
I think you shouldn't think about having a girlfriend until you've gone without PMO for at least a whole year.
I see, thank you for your opion =)
What if that girl could be his that perfect girl for him? maybe It is opportunity. I think if somebody has opportunity to get in touch with girl, it shouldn't refuse them. What have you to lose? Maybe you will sad if that girl left you. But we need bad experience too. Generally you always get smth. I hope it will be relationship.
Of course after that long time as 1 year, you can hunt but now wait. Exception is when you met sb really interesting. So don't lose chance.
What if you ruin the girl with your PMO addiction? If you look at the SO thread you'll see threads by women who have been through hell because of their SO addiction. And from my experience, a girlfriend has never helped with PMO.
It always depends on what you mean by a girlfriend, and there are two ways:
1 - If it's a temptation to use her as your object on which you want to transfer your urges - NO, it's the addiction talking through you.
2 - If it's a person you want to care for, not only have sex with, or if it's like in my case - a person you want to spend your life with, which develops over time - YES, YES, YES. I'm still an addict, but I wouldn't start my way to freedom without her help. What I'm dealing with now and before I met her is a completely different world. We even waited for our first sex until marriage - yes, she's my wife now. We share dreams, and they make me want to fight. Heck, she's my only reason to win, actually.
In short: girlfriend as an object or a person.
Of course, everyone is different. Not every girl wants to be with an addict (harsh truth to us, but in a way we earned it). However, you normally don't know about another person's problems after your first date, but there comes a time in a relationship when you have to tell her.
You're as important as every other person around you, but that also means that you have to respect their importance too.
This is the best reply regarding this question
So i was a PMO addict from agw 14 to 27. I went to war with pornagraphy at about age 22 and seriously tried to quit. I was down to PMO once every 1-2 months. I was fighting my ass off, but still hadn’t kicked the habit. At 26 i got a gf and started to have sex with her. I would say the relationship was a hybrid between the 2 types @roadtofreedomatlast indicates. I stopped pmo, but i didn’t really solve the problem, i just transfered it to her. I realized she wasn’t for me, and i broke her heart when i broke up with her.
I felt guilty beyond guilty. I realized that she had been a victim of my sex addiction. I wouldn’t have been so involved with her if i didn’t enjoy the sex so much. That was when the tide started to change in my battle with PMO. I joined ‘celebrate recovery’ (Christian group often used for recovery from sex addiction). I joined a 12 step and spilled my guts to the men in that group.
In 2017 after starting the 12 step I started dating my fiancé. I told her everything. I think that what @GG2002 leaves out of this equation.. upfront honesty. She needs to know where you’re at and what you’re dealing with. No exaggeration no lies. If she rejects you atleast you spared the both of you the future pain of a discovery day. If she accepts you she can be the greatest ally in tge world.
As of now I’ve been without P or P-subs since January 12 of 2017. I thank God for giving me this woman who i could be honest with, who is now my fiancé .
Totally agree with you about upfront and total honesty. I often say on this forum that you know you are at a point in your recovery that you are ready to date when you are willing to be 100 percent upfront with those that you are dating. But if I were advising an addict particularly a pmo addict who is not at minimum 6 months clean I would say just don’t do it at all. A year is ideal. So don’t do it but if you be upfront and honest from the start. And most addicts that early in recovery are unlikely to be honest. The ability to be honest about an addiction comes with time and usually Pretty late into the recovery. So waiting also increases the chance of honesty.
I'm on 20th day of PMO but I'm dating with one girl who I have known form 8 years. I'm almost 29 y/o, she is 36 y/o. I think about her really serious, I hope she too. I don't think about PMO and others women. She was pretty for me 8 years ago and now she is too, but now we're dating each other. Even we sleep together at my house after party but I was a little drunk and didn't have a condom(maybe better), we just played at bed. I think that she was very happy and now she want to rest at mountains with me for 4days at June. I will be on +40 day of PMO if I don't break. Also we talk alot and even I've known her parents. If she don't leave me after trip to mountains I think it will be okay Actually I see two asset, 1.I'm thinking about her and I'm happy, 2. I don't think about PMO. Should I refuse that opportunity to be happy and wait one year at rehab? At most she will gone, not first time I had that situation so maybe I won't cry
Does she know you are a pmo addict and your history? That you are 20 days no pmo ? If so then I say go for it. Be 100 percent open and honest. She’s aware of what she’s getting into and on board with it. Otherwise if you have not told her that’s dishonest misleading selfish and unfair. When she finds out and she will find out she will feel angry betrayed and have no trust in you whatsoever. And no it’s not likely that she will just be okay with being lied too because she knows you better. And you will likely relapse and it wiii effect her. You are still in the early stages so if you tell her now she won’t feel misled. If she leaves you at least you know now.
A girlfriend can hold you accountable during these trivial times
It's not as helpful as a single man might imagine, but I don't think it hurts.
It hurts her if you are not 100 percent honest with her about your addiction and recovery and that includes past addiction . So if One is not willing to do this then they should not even consider dating. When you are in a relationship you not only have your own feelings to worry about but you also have to be concerned with the feelings of your partner which is hard for addicts in early recovery struggling with so much of their own pain. Saying that getting a girlfriend can’t hurt or that it would hold you accountable and make you less prone to MO due to access to regular sex is not only inaccurate but one sided and selfish. Pmo addiction from an SOs perspective is extremely painful and kills many relationships taking along with them a woman’s self esteem made even worse if the SO is lied to. Suffice to say dating a pmo addict is not enjoyable and being able to see that as an addict meaning the potential feelings of and implications of a pmo addiction on a potential SO is a huge part of recovery and when I see addicts failing to even consider this perspective I know they have a long way to go and definitely should not consider a relationship.
I think once you fall in love you won't do that stuff. I am fairly convinced, whenever I liked a woman I stopped so maybe it's just natural progression I suppose. I think it feels wrong to do it and have a girlfriend. It doesn't make sense anyways being completely honest with you to pursue PMO if you have somebody to do it with, or be with.