is it having a girlfriend helps you to quit PMO?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by kilometrico, May 1, 2018.

  1. bennn

    bennn Fapstronaut

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    I didn't with my last one and haven't with my current one. I guess shame was my first reason, but with my new one I don't even feel like I need to mention it because I feel so free from PM now that it will never be a problem ever again. Maybe sometime I'll mention it to her as a problem that I used to have, but now I don't feel like I need to specifically bring it up because it's no longer a problem for me.
     
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  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    The question is not whether you think you should mention it rather if she has the right to know and that answer is a resounding yes! How long have you been pmo free? This is an addiction that comes with a host of relapses just read up on the experiences of others in recovery. It’s simply not fair or honest to not tell a partner about this. If you were a heroin addict in recovery would you tell? The point is that the person in the relationship has a right to decide if this is something they want to deal with and in minimizing the need to tell her you show that you do not understand or care about the impact that your addiction had on your past partners and could have on future ones.
     
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  3. Andrew14

    Andrew14 Fapstronaut

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    Oh YES!! A girlfriend is a great way to help your new nofap life AND fix DE! I quit PMO once I found a good girl I wanted to date. By the time I told her to bring her jammies over to my place, I was 45 days Monk and in serious need of a n&k*d woman in my bed. To take the pressure off, we did'nt have s^x right away, because I was a bit "out of practice" and I TOLD her that. Yes. I shared with her that I MIGHT not be able to perform! But what the heck, we were growing close so I was OK with being a bit vulnerable. Well, it worked well. We actually fell in love. True story.
     
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  4. bennn

    bennn Fapstronaut

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    That's a really good point. I expect I will bring it up before long then. Thank you.
     
  5. Scenty

    Scenty New Fapstronaut

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    After lots of relapses (those were before I got to know this site), I finally broke the bondage of PMO by now having a GF... I was a virgin before now, and was still a virgin when I started my "NO PMO" session which has lasted for 65days now and counting... However, I gave up my virginity (I didn't orgasm tho, so my PMO session is still intact) to my newly found GF whom I love with all my hear, just before 60days into the streak.

    Sincerely, I believe that having a GF has in some kinda way helped me come this far on my quest. Because my mind is now occupied with the thoughts of her, rather than the self pleasure thought I used to have. Though this may not always be the case with everyone, but it surely worked for me.
     
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  6. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

    Is it having a girlfriend that helps you to quit PMO?

    Is this question just an excuse to keep using porn while you remain single?

    Once I have a consistent sex partner, I will just quit using porn.

    Now that I have a consistent sex partner, I have no need to use porn.

    Although the above statements appear to be logical, the addiction becomes illogical and the use of porn continues; even with a consistent sex life.

    If you are going to continue using porn until you have a girlfriend, please reconsider. Deal with your addiction today. Real sex is desirable, but it is never a "cure".
     
  7. Andrew14

    Andrew14 Fapstronaut

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    Excellent job, Scenty! Hang in there and you will eventually org#$m. The feel of a womans body and the movements involved with love-making are different. It took me a couple months of DE, but one day OMG! I learned to slow down and focus on getting a successful quicky in the morning when we were both rested and cuddling while still half asleep. My GF was more than happy to help me keep off PMO and give her all my love.
     
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  8. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    I can’t imagine doing a hard mode reboot with a girlfriend
     
  9. liveclean

    liveclean Fapstronaut

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    For me having a girlfriend didn't help me quit PMO, in fact probably made it worse. When I lived alone i'd crack one off whenever i felt like, probably once a day at most. When I moved in with my girlfriend she didn't approve so I had to start doing it in secret. When she went out i'd do it, if she was in another room I do it. I'd have to do it whenever I got the chance because I didn't know when I'd get another chance. Once i started to know her routine I was doing 4+ times a day behind her back and that became the normal frequency for me. I've decided to quit PMO and she still doesn't really know how often I was doing it
     
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  10. Depends on the girl. If you are dating at least a 7 in terms of looks with a healthy sexual appetite where she is a lady in public and a whore in bed then NoFap wouldn’t be an issue anymore. She has to have a higher interest in you than you of her so she always want it in most days of the week.

    Now if she is some prude nun with a low sex drive lacking any sexual appetite then you are going to have issues in the relationship. Now if she is average in looks where you see her as just some place holder in your life then you are no better than some single guy seeing porn as a replacement for a girlfriend.
     
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  11. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    DO NOT DEPEND ON SEX TO CURE YOUR PMO ADDICTION!!!

    Telling yourself "If *only* I had a GF, wife, whatever, *then* I wouldn't use porn" is a trap. Addiction finds an easy way around logic. I've been married for several years, and have open relationships with other women too. As easy as sex is to get, an endless variety of porn is still easier, free, and lasts as long as you want.
     
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  12. Mario30

    Mario30 New Fapstronaut

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    I am in same situation married for 3 years and unable to have sex with my partner.. :-(
     
  13. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    No could make it worst
     
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  14. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    Abstaining from orgasm is key
     
  15. Andrew14

    Andrew14 Fapstronaut

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    I NEVER would bring up the "addiction" word to a new girlfriend. Why do that? Just say the truth which is 1) I don't watch porn and 2) I don't self-pleasure. 3) That's how I roll. :)
     
  16. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Well you got a 500+ on your counter, which is awesome, the worst times of your addiction lie far behind you. But isn't it still a part of you? I suppose it is because you are visiting this site. Why keep your visit to this site a secret? Why not let her no about NoFap? Isn't it beautiful to be able to share such intimate issues with each other? Especially if it's in the past and doesn't affect the present, or only does so in a positive way. My first girlfriend told me she once was a heroin addict in the beginning of the relationship, because she needed to get it off her chest. Well the relationship didn't last long, but her former addiction was not the problem. Of course my mother's boyfriend told her that he once was an alcoholic, and I am sure he would have done that even if he hadn't seen the necessity to explain why he doesn't drink alcohol. I've been dating a woman for two months and I already planned when I will tell her about my porn addiction. Why not tell her how you became who you are? That way, I can also explain better why my previous relationships failed and all the changes in my life that came along with NoFap for me, also my views on sexuality and a lot more. I can explain PIED, in case it should somehow happen again - the fear is there. I can also make sure that I can tell her just in case I should relapse in the future, which might happen next month, next year or in three years, who knows. But most importantly, it's a matter of mutual trust and intimacy for me.
     
  17. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    I highly recommend you open the relationship.
     
  18. SavageSauce

    SavageSauce Fapstronaut

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    Isn't that a short-term solution? What are you going to do when the infatuation stage of your relationship is over?
     
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  19. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    @SavageSauce is spot on. You must plan for the possibility of your attitude changing in the future, to prevent relapsing.
     
  20. EricKungFooled

    EricKungFooled Fapstronaut

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    I think having a girlfriend definitely helps get past the temptation and loneliness. If you have porn induced DE or ED like I do then, you need a really understanding and supportive girlfriend.
    I sometimes wish I had a girlfriend to help me through this but I think the shame and frustration of DE/ED may cause me to relapse. Counting the days before my reboot... because the loneliness can be unbearable at times.

    For now focusing on myself and self improvement before I dump my truckload of baggage and self-loathing on a innocent girl's shoulders.
     

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