Is it just time to accept I'm gay?

I’m addicted to gay porn and in process of reboot. Ive suffered severe PIED also. I’m married and probably bi

 

I don't think you are gay. You are hooked on porn, it's a fantasy world - that's all.

Heal your shame, that led to your porn compulsion. Check out books by John Bradshaw.

 

It sounds like HOCD to me. If all your thoughts in childhood and teenage years were only about girls, and you didn't start having attraction to men until after starting porn, you are probably straight, and not even bi (though it's possible you might be bi). If you successfully reboot, you should slowly return to your natural sexuality, which is most likely completely straight.

 

Porn is not the problem. You are acting out some deeper issues, stopping porn without addressing those will be of little help.

 

you should go for a 90 days or more streak, it will fix a lot of things...or at least did for me

 

I was

 

What I want to tell, and what I assume, is that the strong compulsion you have is a symptom of some other issues (probably toxic shame, low self-esteem). You are acting out emotional issues.
The fact that acting out your fantasy world in real life sickened and bored only underlines that you are hooked to a self-inflicted fantasy and are not gay.
Your way out is to drop the porn and drop any chasing of girls for the period of the reboot. The fantasies will decrease with time and vanish someday, your brain stops being hooked on dopamine and regenerates.

 

no, but i had hocd too

 

Hi @Matthew32 - Personal experience suggests that conclusions about sexual orientation (actually, any conclusions about pretty much anything) are highly suspect while we are in active addiction.

Addiction is a distorting force; it warps how we see and feel and sense both ourselves and the world. Given this, it seems the first step in accurately answering the question, 'Am I gay?' involves getting out of this addiction.

Give yourself some time to address the fact you are going to porn ten or twelve times every day. Once this frequency lessens and you begin to feel a bit more clear, then begin an earnest exploration of your sexual preferences.

For what it's worth...

 

Dig deep, look back and see if you can connect those older guy feelings to something in childhood/youth.

 

Have you had gay sex? If so was it pleasurable? Did you like the person? If not, probably not gay.

 

It´s your own decision, if you want to end like these married "totally straight" men, who cheated themselve and their wifes over all the years, or if you decide not giving a shit, what anybody else believes about your sexuality.