Is it ok to compliment girls in the street?

I never mentioned anything about making it law. I simply offered that the consequences of people’s actions need to be highlighted and put into perspective. That’s often enough of a deterrent for future negative behaviour for most people.

That’s the band-aid solution - policing every encounter, which is not at all what I’m suggesting and not at al conducive to a free society. A very large amount of men are unaware that their behaviour is negative to other people, and an even larger group are unaware anything bad is happening at all. I’m suggesting that instead of denying it and refusing to see the evidence to the contrary, they need to engage and meet halfway. It’s about preventing these situations from occurring through communication, not punishing people after the fact. Kinda like the whole “cure vs. vaccine” thing.

A fair enough response, until you realise that most people don’t think about it at all, which is exactly th problem.

unfortunately some men are so wrapped up in their sense of entitlement they actually fail to see that their actions are making the other person uncomfortable, or ultimately lash out when told they are. See: “friend zone” logic for the perfect example.

(Edit: you’ve been contributing decent discussion too Temujin, didn’t mention you in my last post, thanks!)

 

I think we are quite close in our opinions grantham.

Friend zone logic is as ridiculous as it is self defeating.

But it comes out of frustration about not having a certain person attracted to them that they are attracted too. A frustration that almost every person alive has felt.

For the example of the friend zone logic

We are putting the root of the behaviour in different places. You are saying it's societies attitude towards women. While I'm saying it's to do with male frustration over not having women attracted to them.

I say this as someone who used to have friend zone logic. What got rid of it wasn't a massive change in my attitude towards women.

But was dressing better, improving my confidence and meeting beautiful women that were attracted to me back.

While there are some guys who seriously don't care how their actions effect people I feel there are a larger number that simply don't understand what they are doing wrong and why people aren't attracted to them.

I feel you will get much further through teaching guys to be more attractive vs telling them to watch their behaviour. Although telling them to watch their behaviour is also important.

Taking green energy as an example. Countless taxes have been proposed and introduced. Almost no effect. It becomes cheaper to make green energy vs fossil fuels. Suddenly a big move towards green energy, because it's in energy companies self interest to swap over.

If you can teach guys that caring how a woman feels helps greatly towards getting to know her and maybe even getting to sleep with her if she is interested. I imagine that many more would suddenly become much more empathetic and understanding. Because it's in their self-interest too be.

I also don't think women would complain about a larger number of guys who are more empathetic and take better care of themselves.

 

It depends on the manner ..
Polite compliment is always great

 

Edgy stuff bro. Judging by your avatar and profile name, I'm guessing you're a Rick and Morty fan? Did you know that Justin and Dan have recently set up a campaign that will see thousands of dollars donated to planned parenthood (a well-known organisation that aims to support women's rights and equality)? Your heroes are social justice warriors.

 

I understand your point and i've made a counterpoint you would prefer not to address - the definition of harassment has become so subjective and convoluted we can hardly know what anyone means by it anymore, and therefore your statistics are hard to trust. But, you don't want to look at that do you? You won't even condescend to address the point. It must be nice to dismiss alternative view points with the "right wing alarmist" shtick, eh?

"Grotesquely bigoted"? Who's the alarmist? Ever read a history book? In the history of the world there has never been a more tolerant society than that we live in now (western society). But, to you it's "grotesquely bigoted". Ignore that point too.

Apparently, the crux of your point is now to raise awareness, because, through awareness men will stop being such turds and the grotesquely bigoted world will change? It's such a naive world view. The men who actually do harass - not those who annoy unintentionally - are aware of it. Try this on for size: they want to harass women. They know they shouldn't ass grab and they do it anyway. Your "let's think about how the women feels" crusade will have zero impact on these men.

You may, however, make an impact on the already-decent individuals who care what people think. These poor men/women who adopt your IDEA will then second guess every compliment or glance or attempt at small talk searching their heart for some hint of "entitlement" (whatever that means). How do you function day-to-day with such a subjective world view? Why, the should probably say absolutely nothing for what is perceived as a "kind compliment" to one woman might be "devastating harassment" to another. What a horrid IDEA.

No, i think what you're doing is spreading a falsehood (grotesquely sexist?) and making the world just a wee bit uglier. I'm sure you're well-intended, but sadly deluded.

 

I was only making a joke. Plus I know people who support planned Parenthood that aren't sjws, but this thread isn't about planned Parenthood. It's a thread about complimenting women that you don't know. I've said as well as a few others to look at the situation use common sense before going over eg does she look busy, or is she giving me an inviting look. I also think that we're all in agreement that some people don't care or aren't aware enough to understand what they're saying and how they're saying it might not have outcome they were hoping for. Also Rick at Morty have taken a few jabs at sjws and their censorship views on the show.

 

For me personally, I would be annoyed if some guy came up to me, but if I was in line at a store or a bank and he complimented my clothes or what not from a glance I wouldn't mind. I don't like people invading my personal space as an introvert but compliments are okay if they're genuine and nothing is expected.

 

Exactly!

 

I still remember this one time, years ago, when I was in a parking lot and a guy several cars away said "hey, I don't mean to be a creep or anything, but you're really beautiful." That was probably the best compliment I've ever received, done in the best way possible. He acknowledged that I might feel creeped out, therefore making it less creepy, he stayed at his car didn't come any closer to mine, he used the word "beautiful" rather than hot, and he didn't seem to have any expectation of me engaging in conversation or agreeing to a date or something. I'm sure if I had, he would have liked that, and honestly if I had been single I very well might have. But I still always remember that compliment, and it brightened my day so much, and still makes me smile today.

On the flip side, I also always remember walking out of a store and having some guy walk past me and say "I like your boobs." So yeah... we're gonna get comments all across the board, unfortunately. But I just shrug off the weird ones or the creepy ones.

 

I truly believe there are men that are just plain nice, not all of them have an alterior motive like a lot of people seem to think. I only have a problem when they come all the way over or try to approach me in a creepy way. I don't think compliments should go away just like the chivalry that's sadly dying.

Hey, he was being respectful! He said boobs and not tits.

 

As a fellow introvert I wouldn't feel like walking across a room/store to talk to a woman unless she gave me an inviting/flirty look. The only exception would be if it was someone I actually knew.

 

Lol true. Honestly I wasn't even that offended, I was mostly surprised and a little confused, since the shirt I was wearing was like... super high cut and not revealing at all. And I was like 17 or something, shopping with my mom. But hey, nice to know I have good boobs, apparently.

 

This is the exact attitude I'm talking about. The statistics are reflecting the fact that more and more women are recognising different types of harassment, and voicing their discomfort about it. We both agree that it seems less like harassment and abuse is on the rise, but rather the definition of harassment is changing. And while you have a problem with that, I very much don't. Because as I've said, if literally millions of women are complaining about it and it's making them feel uncomfortable then it's a problem. Just because you don't like the idea that the world is a worse place than you thought does not invalidate the experiences of those people.

Yes I've read quite a few, and it's interesting what history books tend to leave out when they're all largely written by men and from a male perspective. I'm not saying we haven't progressed positively, but I am saying that things have only just started to get better for women and there is a long way to go until we reach true equality.
I also don't think it's hyperbole to point out grotesque bigotry when we have a nationalistic, sexist, racist and homophobic man in the Oval Office.

Again, you're missing my point that the majority of men who perpetrate harassment and abuse aren't the ones who do it on purpose, therefore they are not the men I'm talking about. I'm trying to impact the men that don't know they're doing it and the society that continues to allow it to happen.

I don't have the energy to respond to this one, other than: no that's not what I mean, and if I haven't been able to articulate my point about this properly yet then I will come back later when I can.

I said "grotesquely bigoted", you misquoted me. But again. See: sexist, racist homophobe in the white house. See systematic racism and violence against people of colour. See the dismantlement of contraceptive access for women. See the disproportionately high rates of suicide amongst non heteronormative communities. See the world for the way it is and how it can be better for everyone, instead of seeing the way it benefits you and other people like you. I’m not the deluded one here.

I'm not going to apologise for not addressing every single one of everyone's points. i've mentioned that I'm pretty alone this debate and I can only give so much of my time and emotional labour to this discussion. But I will apologise if I lashed out in my last posts, mainly because I am acutely aware that there are a good 5-6 people trying to challenge me, and only one of me.

 

I would love for there to be equality between men and women but realistically we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people and equality between the sexes it seems is a concept that can only be realized in a perfect world and so I don't think there will ever be equality although I would like to see it happen.

 

I think it's extreme to refer to Trump as a racist. He has said and does sometimes say some head-scratching, controversial things when it comes to race but I wouldn't go so far as to say he's a racist. He obviously isn't racist because he has people of colour on his staff. To be clear, I am not a Trump supporter neither am I a liberal.

 

Really you weren't offended? How come? If you don't mind me asking. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I mean if I was with a female family member and a guy said that to her in front of me, I would get mad but then again, although I don't compliment women on their appearance anymore, I still do sometimes lust after them so I guess that might be a little hypocritical (although my lust for women has sorta decreased since I began my reboot, so I'm kinda proud of that). But still if a guy did that in front of me if I was with a female family member, I'd get mad especially since I would never do that to his female family member. I get so mad when I see guys cat call and ogle at women... Sorry about the rant. Btw, I'm not attacking your opinion of what happened with the guy and I'm not saying that you should have been offended, everyone's entitled to their opinion.

 

Idk, I just don't really get offended by things easily I guess. And technically it was a compliment. I mean I would rather someone say "I like your boobs" than "damn girl, you ugly." Lol it was a little weird and sad that he felt that it was okay to comment on a random strangers body like that at all, but at least it was a positive comment.

 

Ok fair enough.

 

I've never really felt like men being sexually attracted to me is something I should be offended by. I mean if they're treating me like an object, that's not cool. But this was just a passing comment. Not like equivalent to someone whistling and staring or something.

Another example, just a few months ago some old guy in a automatic wheelchair who was behind me for a while at a grocery store and was saying like "mmm, yeah, that's right, shake it, damn" and stuff like that. THAT definitely bothered me. I turned around in front of everyone and say "hey, fuck you." And I don't really even use language like that generally. But that was just gross.

I think it depends somewhat on the timing. Like one of those examples was just a guy walking past me, the other was a guy walking behind me for a while, like I was putting on a show for him or some crap.

 

Ok, I understand.