Is it relapsing?

So, being a male who has watched questionable porn and who has a submissive side (these have led me to develop HOCD),

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ive always wondered what a prostate orgasm would feel like. Has anyone here had one? Would doing it myself be a relapse or just seeing what i like?

Should i wait until a full reboot? Is my submissive side and this prostate curiosity completely porn induced?

 

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