Is it sex addiction?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by KASE1228, Jul 31, 2020.

  1. Again, I'm so sorry that you have experienced antagonistic feedback here. There are a lot of toxic people on this forum and you have to use your ignore list because they are very aggressive and persistent despite how little they know about you or your situation. On a personal note, I think you should ask these questions on another site like reddit or see a professional therapist.
     
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  2. As an adult as a mother, you cannot allow yourself to feel bad about mean comments over the internet.
    Also you must understand that people have their own oppinions which doesn't always matches yours.
    Of course they can and will be mistaken. Since we are all human, and also because we don't know the situation.

    This is a self-help forum. We can't and won't help you change your husband against his will. If he comes here asking for our help we can only try to help him. But we can't help you force him to change in a direction you like.
    Since we don't even know your husband, there is a slight possibility that he doesn't even want to change.

    About your parenting skill. You can be as good of a mother as humanly possible , I wouldn't want to be a child in a household with a father who has no sense of responsibility. The things you shared about your relationship doesn't sound good. Thats all.
    We may be mistaken and maybe the children sense nothing of your problem, but again the part you mentioned just doesn't feels right.
     
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  3. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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  4. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the advice, it’s just sad as a women yet again I am being told where I do and do not belong. But I will go ahead and look into that forum. Thank you.
     
  5. Yeah it's inevitable that someone would say that. Whatever makes you feel like you're intelligent and better than other people, go ahead and let it out.
     
  6. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    She made a carbon copy of this thread in "Partner Support", then she quoted me on this thread only to tell me to "get out of her thread" and that "I need help".

    That kind of vitriol tells us everything we need to know about the OP. Once I realized I have been tricked, I deleted everything I posted over there.

    She treats forum members the exact same way she treats her husband.

    I think the husband is the actual codependent victim here. By all the info that got posted (including about the monther-in-law she doesn't along with) he seemingly had a relationship with her at high school, then ended it because of her narcissism. Then he married someone else and had three children, while she spent over a decade to undermine and destroy his first marriage, so she can marry him. This is usually how these sad stories go and that's the only info you can trust.

    Everything else posted about the husband is probably lies, because that's what narcissists do: They lie and manipulate, they spread lies and rumors. Most likely he and his (ex-)wife believe lies about each other this person made up.

    The husband (the actual victim here) needs indeed help: He needs to divorce her and then put a restraint order on her, because she won't give up even after that. And then he should go back to his actual family (his first wife) and restore his marriage to her. BTW: Dear Christians here: The latter is what he's supposed to do.

    This whole thread as the other one is about collecting information, so she can manipulate her husband into believing that he has a sex addiction. On the other thread someone provided her with lots of books helping her to make that happen. @Psalm27:1my light you screwed up!
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
  7. "Step One: Admitted we were powerless over _______ and that our lives had become unmanageable."

    THIS! This is literally the first step that every addict of any substance or behaviour has to concede in order to begin their recovery process. It all starts here. Admitting that he is has a problem is a HUGE step forward and it is literally the cornerstone on which his recovery will be built.

    The quote above is the first step of any 12 step recovery program. Fill in the blank with whatever the addiction may be. In this case - sex addiction.
     
    KASE1228 likes this.
  8. I appreciate that you posted on one of the "main forums", because I often feel like I don't belong on the partner support or women's only forums. Most of us have troubles with the opposite sex and this is a place were we can see the other side of our addiction . . . but only when we mix, not when we segregate ourselves by dividing into men and women only groups or PA and SO's.
    I have seen a lot of good men on here post very supportive responses for women seeking help. Rarely have I seen a thread get this antagonistic and toxic . . . though I have heard about it happening. Either way, I hope that you are finding the help and support that you need.
     
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  9. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the support, I don’t know why this Starrider wants to continue to attack me but I will pray for him. I came on here truly looking to seek help and advice. Not cause any harm or conflict. But I refuse to be walked all over as well. Please don’t hate me for fighting for my marriage.
     
  10. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Vitriol? Really, you have zero empathy, as is common in addicts. They have been married 16 years, have a child, and he sought her out after his divorce? But she caused his first marriage to fail? I’m not sure where you got the information you just spewed, but I think the boat sailed on his first marriage a long time ago. I’m also thinking his affairs in his first marriage may have been a contributing factor to said divorce. Not everyone can be perfect like you. She is asking for help, not retroactive judgment.
     
  11. Bianca

    Bianca Fapstronaut

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    Wow. Quite a story! Did you cheat or onky say it. My nature is to just have sex with another man in front of him if this is what he desires so much. Why not? But that’s only me...
     
  12. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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  13. Bianca

    Bianca Fapstronaut

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    Is there a text? Don’t get it yet here.
     
  14. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    If he is a sex addict I can only assume me doing whatever he wants when it comes to sex will only make things worse, not better.
     
  15. Bianca

    Bianca Fapstronaut

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    I understand. I thought maybe it could living it out relax things? I am not expert. Just my nature
     
  16. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    They have a child, someone besides themselves to think about. Bringing another person into their marriage is a sure fire way to destroy it. Most marriage vows include forsaking all others. It’s not uncommon for sex addicts to want the novelty of many people, but they won’t make their relationship better.
     
  17. Bianca

    Bianca Fapstronaut

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    Psalm27. I know about the vow. But also that if there is consent it’s ok to have any sex type you like?
     
  18. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Of course you can do anything you both agree on, that doesn’t mean it’s good for your relationship. In fact statistically speaking this will destroy their relationship. Just because something might feel good in the moment doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
     
  19. Bianca

    Bianca Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your reply. I know I am too open or too easy down
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  20. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Even though your short post is pretty descriptive, @KASE1228, I clearly do not know or understand your situation. This is the main qualification I want to make before sharing my response. I also want to acknowledged that I hear your desire for resources to help you navigate this situation. As I don't have anything to offer beyond what a few kind people have already mentioned, I'm not going to be putting forth anything like this.

    Instead, I want to share a bit of my own experience for whatever this might be worth.

    Some years ago, my wife let it be known that she had lost interest in sex. We have not been physically intimate since then - since a while before then, actually. I was confused by this, then hurt, then frustrated. Then I started to use the lack of sex between us as an excuse to 'hit the porn', as you describe it, and more.

    To be clear, my wife's announcement did not cause me to become addicted to porn. I did, however, use it to fan the flames of an already existent fire. Like your husband, I complained a lot (mostly to myself) about how my wife could / would not love me the way I wanted and needed. Rather than ever making anything any better, this just kept me falling ever further down the horrible rabbit hole that is this affliction.

    At a certain point I came to realize that I had a couple choices here: I could try to accept and appreciate the love that my wife was and is capable of offering me. Or I could keep on complaining about what (I thought was) was missing from my life and spiral ever further out of control. As the latter seemed to offer no hope and the former offered some, I went with acceptance and appreciation. Which is where I am today.

    This is not to say I'm very good at either of these things as old habits die hard. But I'm trying and I am clean and, with most every passing day, I realize I actually have a pretty good thing here in this relationship.

    I hope your husband is able to get whatever help he needs in order to see what choices lay before him. And I hope he chooses wisely. I also hope that you are continually able to distinguish between the man you love and the addiction that has him in his grips - and to draw clear and meaningful boundaries for all your sakes.
     

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