"Is it wrong to want to hit on girls?" by a confused addict

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ZenPhysics, Dec 15, 2017.

  1. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    I'm really not sure.

    I've started going to the bar once a week and hitting on girls with a friend. It was something I've always avoided because "it wasn't my thing", or "I needed to work towards my future as a scientist". But we realized it was way more fun than those fruitless nights on Tinder or discussing eternal loneliness with some friends over beer.

    And strangely enough, it doesn't really clash with my motivation towards research or working out.

    Many of the people I work with and learn from at uni are fully committed to research, and I respect that. I admire them. But then there are those who love their career and can still enjoy a wild night or two in between. And honestly, I think that's who I've always wanted to be. Hybrid man. I don't want to just wait for the right person to come along anymore.

    But still...

    The motivation to become more confident with girls, the desire to train towards that goal...is this all just a sign of weakness, my inability to focus on what's truly important(becoming an independent scientist, in my case)? Is it wrong to want to do away with PMO but still want to flirt with random girls? Will I eventually hit a wall if I try to pursue both?

    Just a confused addict. Thanks for reading, any kind of opinion or criticism is appreciated.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
    A41:14A likes this.
  2. What's wrong with flirting with random girls? One of the main goals of NoFap is to go out and meet girls. I don't really see how PMO and hitting on chicks can coincide, unless you get horny flirting with the girls, don't pursue one of them and go home and PMO. Then yeah, that would be a problem, but trying to meet random girls doesn't sound bad at all, as long as you're careful. Don't wanna meet some misery woman who ties you up and breaks your ankles with a goddamn sledgehammer when you try to escape her house after you get in a car wreck and she cares for you then you find out she's insane and wants to wear your skin and continue writing her favorite novel, aka your best seller. That wouldn't be too fun.
     
  3. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Haha, or shreds anyone who tries to help you with a lawn mower :D

    I tried Tinder but that rarely even led to a full conversation, so for me that was sort of triggering PMO-wise. So I guess it's helathier to just go out there and meet them directly.

    Thanks for the encouragement man
     
  4. runfastmd

    runfastmd Fapstronaut

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    Perfectly normal. My career is of prime importance to me, and I don't drink, but I've learned to just interact in non creepy ways with attractive women in social settings. At work I generally follow the "don't sh*t where you eat" rule. I found dating apps contrived (even though I've had success with them in terms of both dating and getting laid- though my relapse at almost a year of no MO was because I had blue balls when a girl I met on a dating app couldn't come over!) but it's much more meaningful initiating a conversation in real life and getting to know someone that way. Good luck!
     
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  5. So far, I've found out that meaningless sex kinda sucks. I mean, it's fun temporarily, but I don't know. I'm not sure where to find a girl that's actually worth a shit. Might try facebook or something.
     
  6. Mike_July_2017

    Mike_July_2017 Fapstronaut

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    You poor despicable soul. Study hard to get your degree forget about stupid girls.

    "I needed to work towards my future as a scientist" == "those fruitless nights on Tinder or discussing eternal loneliness with some friends over beer" ?!

    This is how you work towards becoming a scientist ? Geez.

    Look, girls are stupid and shallow. Literally stupid, as intelligence does not bring them anything that they not already have. Shallow as your confidence, what you do or what you say to them does not matter. What matters to them is how good looking your face is, how tall you are and how many muscles you have.

    So stop playing make belief that you are training your confidence or socials skills around girls, they do not even notice those things. Work hard to get your diploma that diploma will feed, clothe and put a roof over your head.
     
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  7. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Coffe shops an libraries are always places where you find girls that are of virtue and not so shallow. You could try your luck over there.
     
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  8. ISFPdude

    ISFPdude Fapstronaut

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    Uhh... maybe that’s girls in P, but not the vast majority of most real girls. Honestly there are about the same number of guys who are like that but switched as there are girls, lol.
     
  9. So, I hope I don't anger you, but you seem to definitely have some hostility towards women, calling them stupid and shallow. Not all girls are like that man. Even the ones that come off as "stupid and shallow" may just have problems and they're trying to find themselves still. They don't even know what they want, so they may come off as cold and callous and they might hurt people along the way. Girls that just jump from guy to guy may be afraid of attachment because they don't wanna get hurt or maybe they even feel subconsciously that they don't deserve a real relationship, so they have meaningless sex thinking they're "happy" and they enjoy the temporary attention that it brings, but really they're just fucking miserable like the rest of us. Just try to keep an open mind my friend. We all have problems. Maybe next time you see a girl that comes off as "stupid and shallow," try to learn a thing or two about her. There's probably more there than you think. A girl that I hooked up with the other night is a good example. At first, she kinda seemed... annoying. She was kinda drunk and just seemed like "one of those" types, so I wasn't interested at first. I got even more drunk and we ended up alone and at first, we just talked. She had WAY MORE going on than I could've even imagined dude. I learned a lot about her and found out that she's actually pretty cool and the first impression I had of her was wrong. I mean, it's definitely not a love connection, but she's definitely not a bad person, just another person trying to make it through this thing called life.
     
  10. Sounds like what someone in college should be doing. Working hard, drinking beer and hitting on girls. Old school!
     
  11. Fuck yeah, I was wondering about libraries. I want to meet a cute, shy girl that's not just looking for meaningless sex. I actually thought about libraries. I gotta go do some studying now haha. I'm so fucked though because I work 2nd shift. Maybe I can get up early on a Saturday. Are libraries even open on the weekend? Is that a stupid question? :emoji_confused:
     
  12. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Wow thanks for all the feedback guys, I still haven't read all of them but I'll be sure to respond!!
     
  13. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice Mike!

    Your words are pretty much what I've been telling myself these past 4-5 years (minus the general view towards women; stupidity is a broad and vague term to begin with, plus I do work with/train under very intelligent, skilled women). Sometimes I'd try jumping for the grape to no success, then turn around and focus on "what really matters." But occasionally I'd feel as if I was suppressing something that wasn't necessarily harmful if let out.

    Enough of my metaphorical rambling though. Since you are much older and experienced could you care to tell me about the experiences or philosophies that support your opinion? How has your relationship been with women? Where has it taken you so far?

    Sorry I'm just curious and really need help here.
     
  14. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Yeah :D
    My friend and I were just talking about why we didn't try it out in our earlier years at uni.
     
  15. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    Thanks :D
    I think I'll continue hitting the bar for a while, I feel like I'd fall on my head if I jumped straight to those areas now lol.
     
  16. ZenPhysics

    ZenPhysics Fapstronaut

    That's what still keeps me in this confused state. What will happen if I actually get a taste of meaningless sex? Would it be disappointing and will I just fall back to my old pessimistic self?
     
  17. ..Anna..

    ..Anna.. Fapstronaut

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    You speak about those girls which are on high demand, partying, perhaps invest a lot of time and money in their appearance. Thus, if you search only for the sexy girls, it is normal that those sexy girls want what you mentioned above. Or you think that sexy girls should be crazy about everyone, but girls, which sit in libraries and not spend money on fake lips etc should be avoided and they need to be single?
     
  18. I mean, it's definitely fun and it will boost your self-esteem and give you experience, but yeah, it might leave you feeling empty afterwards, because it's just sex. I do feel better about myself at least and I have no urge whatsoever to go and PMO. It's really up to you man.
     
  19. I find fake lips so unattractive. I can't stand the "fake" look. Are you a shy library girl? If so, where else can I meet girls like you? Haha, sorry if that sounds weird. There was a girl at gamestop that was kinda shy and cute, but I haven't been to the library in years.
     
  20. ..Anna..

    ..Anna.. Fapstronaut

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    I don't know if it is possible to meet on library, as this is the place where people go to have peace and not distractions. I suggest Tinder, swipe to those girls who has no breasts showed in the picture and too much make up, but more simple, natural girls.
     

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