Is Karezza a relapse?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Peter.Parker10, Jan 10, 2021.

  1. Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    So, I've been reading a bit about this karezza stuff, and it seems to have a lot of benefits like:
    • Bringing partners together
    • More intimate relationships
    • A more Harmonious relationship
    • More sexual and emotional attraction in marriage
    • Less fights
    Basically, I've read that avoiding orgasms during sex with your couple is like the holly grail in marriage.

    Sites like YourBrainOnPorn even say that it might have lots of benefits to porn addicts, so I wanted to know your opinion:

    If you engage in Karezza, would you count it as a relapse, reset or would you see it as a win?
     
  2. DefendMyHeart

    DefendMyHeart Fapstronaut

    I think if my husband and I engaged in this, it would be considered a reset. Reason being is because his brain wiring is not where it should be, and would only exasperate the chasing of the high. I think it would depend greatly on where you're at in recovery, honestly. Not just for you, but for your SO as well. If she is not in a good state of mind, it can also be damaging for her.
    I think there can be benefits to it, however. But again, it would depend on your goals (avoid all sexual stimuli during hard mode, avoiding stimuli on the computer, avoiding all except your partner) and state of mind. It would take some deep reflecting and discussion with your partner to see what would work best for both of you.
     
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  3. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    I'm all for it.

    No. I don't believe it's the holy grail for lovemaking. I believe honest, vulnerable, committed connection in mind body and spirit is what we want.

    I say go for it.
    But understand your honest motivation for why you are doing it.

    Do you objectify your partner? Are you using her body to serve addict thinking?
    Can you control yourself yet otherwise? or will you be playing with fire? No Orgasm should not lead to resentment, self-endulgence, or dissatisfaction. If it does you're doing it wrong.

    Good Karezza won't make you feel like you are cheated or white-knucking it afterwards and you won't have chaser effect because you will feel fullfilled. If you can't promise these, I'd say you're only kidding yourself.

    Anyway it's not what us interweb dweebs believe that matter, do what's right for your relationship. Listen to her heart, and error on the side of her safety.

    I say follow through with your 90day reboot, gain some integrity and fortitude, then introduce this method back into the relationship. It's wonderful.
     
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  4. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Everyone needs to make their own rules and boundaries.

    For me, after work with my wife and therapist, sex with her would not be a relapse or setback - however masturbation would be.

    I've seen a lot of people talk about kareeza here and other places. Personally, it sounds like a giant tease and a really easy way to set yourself up for failure.
     
    Peter.Parker10 likes this.
  5. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

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    This is how it ended up for us. I was hopeful because it was very intimate at first, but turned into a big tease that was too hard to resist. It even kind of made my husband more aggressive in our kareeza intimacy after the first several days of trying it out because of the tease/frustration.

    I have heard it works for other couples though, so I’m sure it depends on the people/situation. (And if both people have terrific willpower.)
     
  6. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Yeah - I think it would work for the right couples. For me though, I know it'd be the same as trying to set the line at zero internet ever. Just not going to happen.
     
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