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Is love sometimes not enough?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by IamtheLiquorJD, Aug 7, 2015.

  1. IamtheLiquorJD

    IamtheLiquorJD Fapstronaut

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    I have been dating my girlfriend for over two years. She's my best friend in the world, know one knows me like she do, and there's no one I've ever been as open with before. I truly deeply love her with all of my heart.

    But we've been fighting off and on for the whole two years, over stupid things and misscomunications. We could fight over nothing. We broke up twice, her doing, but we got back together. I love her so much I really do but recently this week as an example we can go from strong emotional feelings for architect to wanting to kill each other. We got on this huge fight and I said things I shouldn't have, I felt like she was ignoring my feelings and rejecting me. We both are hurt bad.

    We've been here before but that's not a good thing. We've made it through worse but still the relationship is always just making it.

    I live her so much and she loves me abd our relationship is passed on real love, it's so real. But could love not be enough. I have manipulated her without even thinking of it. I hurt the only person I really care about. I don't deserve her abd she deserves so much better in life, and I don't know if I can deliver. I really want what's best for her, but I don't want to give her up.

    I ask for advise from married men that have weathered the storms. I do want a future with this girl and I want to make her my wife one day. This isn't immaturity. I really honestly love her and want to do a relationship right and go through all the steps and take our time. Not marrying her for like another 3 years but still i know that's what I want.

    Please give.me.some advise.
     
  2. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    Recovering for love of another may not be enough in and of itself (it's very important and may be motivating, but it's not primary), even if the love is real and deep. For we can only really love another person if we love ourselves first - and we can only choose to recover for ourselves first - and on top of all this, the very addiction that we are recovering from is often a cover-up and a way to shield ourselves from inner pain, inner woundedness, inner lack or self-esteem, inner lack of love of self on some level, and/or shame.

    Hence, the overall picture of recovery looks like this: We must get deeper into the reason why we need to cling to PMO - what does it do for us other than the immediate gratification that's so not lasting at all? What part of us needs medicating with PMO and dopamine addiction? We need to bring this to better light, out of the darkness - perhaps by sharing it here in a journal, so as to know it to be the main trigger in your addiction, along with various other secondary environmental triggers.

    The more we do the above, the more we heal and learn to love ourselves. And, with every step of improved love for self, we can then love others all the more. So, we must do this or ourselves first, even as we do it secondarily for love of others (which, of course, is important, too, and I'm not discounting this --- just the order and priority in recovery).

    Set a goal, start a meter, begin a journal, read other posts and learn and discuss with them. You have all the tools now to become your authentic self and to enter into authentic relationships.
     
    Gamerwife85 likes this.
  3. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    I have been married for 10 years. My advise to you is to take a long break from your girlfriend and date someone else. You will take the risk of loosing her, but, if that happens, maybe the relationship was not meant to be. Go out and try the other flavors of ice cream in the world. Who knows... you might do that and still want to get back together with your current girlfriend. But... if you don't do that, you will never know that she is the right one.

    There are thousands of women in the world you will fall in love with if you give love a chance. Some of those women won't be a good match for you, some will be an OK match, and some will be a great match. Who knows, you might find that you fight with every girlfriend you have because that is the type of person you are. Or... you might find that the fighting in your current relationship doesn't transfer over to relationships with other women.

    This is just my advice, ultimately it is your decision. End your current relationship on as good of a note as possible and go explore the world a little bit more.
     
  4. Sounds exactly like my story with my ex. Break ups, fighting, then making up for it. 2 years together, and another 3 trying to get rid of each other for good measure. It all came to a conclusion when she proudly announced to me that she fucked one of my friends. That was a bit too much, even for a hopeless person in love, like me.

    You know I also thought that arguing is kinda the way it goes. But it doesn't. I'm very happy with my current gf for 8 months, just as much as in love than then, and absolutely no fighting. Now that I think about it...how old are you guys? My ex and my current gf has 12 years between them, and my current gf is older, so maturity can be a huge part. Also I'm 6 years older (27) now.

    Or maybe you too have way too different personalities and that's nothing you can do to change that and will never be peaceful together. But you really love her.... damned if you stay, damned if you go.
     
  5. 8BitsOfStuggling

    8BitsOfStuggling Fapstronaut

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    I couldn't agree more with this statement. I used to think that arguing is how a relationship works, you guys are bound to clash. Which is true, sorta... Every relationship will clash, however, it doesn't have to be fighting. I agree with the above statements. Any relationship that is brittle with fighting, needs to be done. Go out, experience the world, learn, grow up some (you may not like it, but if there is fighting, you both have growing up to do). I say this all from experience. Getting dumped from a relationship JUST LIKE YOURS was the best thing that could have ever happened to myself.
     

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