Is marriage make you guys stop from pmo?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by AgilSalim, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. AgilSalim

    AgilSalim Fapstronaut

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    Hello, i am new at nofap. I am indonesian. Sorry if my english bad.
    So this, i am 18 and i have addicted to pmo since i was 11 probably. When i was 11-16 i really couldn't handle my drive to pmo, because i didn't know hazardous of pmo. And i felt normal. But i thought that i had some differences with my other friends, i didn't like to make eye-contact with girls, and i never talk to them properly, perhaps just talk about something important once or twice. And i sometimes hate to socialize with others when i am at home. I felt something stuck in my brain. I felt an extreme laziness for years. I thought it was normal, i thought it was me that are lazy, anti-social, girl-phobia, unmotivated, lack of energy. I think other people different with me. But recently i read that it was the impact from pmo.
    I realized that i need to change my life, i can't do this anymore. I can't stick on the same cycle. My 18 yo friends have achieved many things in their young age while i still stay watch women naked on my phone and am grabbing my dick at my bed. How pathetic.
    But the good news is now i can handle my drive a little bit. I used to reboot and my best streak is 60+ days and i didn't know nofap yet. In these 60+ days i am really religionist. I never watch tv because there is many 'sexy and beautiful girl' in tv. If I see a beautiful girl at the street, i tried to avoid my look into them. I just wanna avoid everything that could make me pmo. I never touch my genital except when i shower or take a pee. I approaching and praying to God everyday. I never waste my time in something unbenefical. I really felt awesome on that time.
    And somehow, in the 60s day, i felt so horny that i couldn't handle it. I tried everything to avoid this drive. But i really can't do it.
    And i concluded that sperm is something need to be excluded from genital. There is no way to go. It is a nature of man.

    And now i am thinking about marriage, "perhaps i need to marry". I don't know but my friends said that if you still can't change yourself from pmo, marriage means nothing, you will pmo even if you already have a wife.
    I am a muslim and i know have a sex before marriage is a big sin.
    I want to ask, is there someone here who has get married but still do pmo?
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. Peace Seeker

    Peace Seeker Fapstronaut

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    First of all you have it backwards. To achieve your goal semen retention is the key. Sex is not the solution. If you have sex you might succumb to chaser effect which might increase the rate of masturbation.
    Secondly, relapse is normal. Very few people has the will power to go on without relapsing on the first try. The secret is once you relapse set a goal with longer duration. Gradually you will get the hang of it. Patience is the key.
    Thirdly, combine regular exercises with nofap if you want your energy back.
    Don't try to find an easy way out, focus and determination is the key. If you want to marry because of this, I would strongly suggest that you stay away from marriage for the time being. It is not only insulting to your partner, but also detrimental to your relationship.
    Your nofap goal should include: "Libido should be under my control."
     
  3. I agree with @Peace Seeker. The fact is PMOA usually not about sex but about something deeper. Most people (myself included) turn to porn because of a lack of confidence and pain in their past. Healing is what sets us free not sex.

    I'm not married but I know married people who still struggle and are tempted by porn. Just take a look at this journal for an example. If you marry for sex or for a porn replacement I think you'll end up with a miserable marriage. People who get married for sex usually end up getting divorced, because at the end of day if you marry only for sex you love sex not the person you're married to. Now I know you're not from a Western culture and maybe divorce doesn't happen often in your country but I think there are universal facts that make a marriage enjoyable and successful no matter what culture you're in. A wife isn't a sex robot, it's likely she won't have sex with you whenever you want it. People who truly have great relationships have self-control and care about the person they're with. Say you get married and you stop having sex what will you do then?

    I would also add I noticed you're 18 years old and I think such an age is far too young to be marrying. I think wait until at least you're in your mid 20's until you marry. I think right now you should allow yourself to grow into the man you're suppose to be. You don't need a woman in your life right now.
     
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    No marriage does not stop PMO it usually makes it worse. PMO addiction is not about sex.
     
  5. RedeemedIowan

    RedeemedIowan Fapstronaut

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    Some great wisdom here. There is a great book called “every man’s battle” which is a road map for stopping PMO. It is a very religious book, but i know you could apply the concepts there to your own life.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am not religious but I really enjoy listening to the radio talk show that the group that puts out this book does daily at 1:00 pm EST. It’s an advice show and they really give great advice not judgmental and that can be applied whether you are religious or not. They are truly invested in helping people recover from porn addiction. They have workshops and retreats. Definitely something worth looking into as another resource for addicts.
     
  7. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    Every Man's Battle is a heaping pile of crap IMO. Just go to Amazon and read one of the many, many reviews that slam this book. I wouldn't line my birdcage with the pages from that book even.
     
  8. bluejay805

    bluejay805 Fapstronaut

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    I'm Muslim too, get married! Have loads of sex, but find a way to cope with your problems. You turned to PMO because you don't have other outlets
     
  9. Peace Seeker

    Peace Seeker Fapstronaut

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    If the only motivation is to get addiction shifted from porn to real world then it's fine. But if you want to improve yourself and have a healthy relationship moving forward then it won't work (for men at least).
    @AgilSalim Having orgasms even while having sex might actually be actually detrimental because semen retention is necessary for self improvement. If you want peace and energy in your life, learn to control your bodily urges even when testosterone is at its peak. Look for a healthy relationship with emotional connection, but sex should never be the primary motivation. Even celibacy is better than an unhealthy relationship. Also if you consider family it has its own share of burdens which will most likely worsen your condition if left unaddressed.
    If you want to lead a restless and unfulfilled life like most people out there, then you don't really need to be here on nofap.
     
    GG2002 and bluejay805 like this.
  10. bluejay805

    bluejay805 Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm, you may be right!
     
  11. bluejay805

    bluejay805 Fapstronaut

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    Would you be willing to mentor my fiance? He's on here too. I'm close to leaving him because he thinks he doesn't need to address his past PMO addiction. He said he will simply stop until we're married, as if that will make things right in the long run...it won't. I'm afraid he will return to it because he won't address why he runs to it as a method of coping :(
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  12. I've married for 18 months. It hasnt cured me of my addiction. But it certainly helps. I was a virgin before marriage.
     
  13. Peace Seeker

    Peace Seeker Fapstronaut

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    I don't have enough time in my hand. If he doesn't want to address the issue then nobody can do anything about it, hence mentoring is pretty much useless. I feel that unless he himself suffers and gets backed into a corner because of his PMO addiction he won't come around. PMO is the most important reason why males become emotionally dense and vulnerable to depression IMO, that's why it is much more difficult for men to realize the harmful effects and stop PMO.

    Ask him to do it for 30 days under your strict supervision. Don't let him have orgasm; practice FANOS and karezza sex. If he doesn't feel any change then tell him to go back to his old ways. A good way is to substitute porn with this site (you can come up with other alternatives based on his interests).

    Also 95%+ relationships are unhealthy and yet somehow we are doing fine even with all the problems associated with it, so it's entirely optional.

    Be simple and live peacefully. After death nothing matters.
     
    Colin the Librarian and GG2002 like this.
  14. Shihab bhuiyan

    Shihab bhuiyan Fapstronaut

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  15. FY_33

    FY_33 Fapstronaut

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    Know her makes me stop porn, engaged makes me hard mode bro
     
  16. used19

    used19 Fapstronaut

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    Marriage does not stop this problem. It has nothing to do with the problem. In many of the marriages here, the pmo cycle is the addict having formed a neural pathway that they struggle to resist and then use it as a coping mechanism when xyz bad happens in life. It is confusing because sex is part of a marriage and porn is sex, however this addiction is more like a drug addiction, used to escape and then a dependency is built.

    You can go through this forum to understand better why marriage does not solve it. In my case, for some reason, my husband still does not remember what started it, something happened that caused him to do it again after having stopped for years when he was exposed as a teenager. This was when we were engaged. He struggled for a year or two. I had no idea, all I know is he started to do some jerky crap. We were having sex and were emotionally bonded. College was stressful and his family was very unkind to him and to us. He managed to stop. We got married. He was fine for 10 more years. Then during a stressful time he was re-exposed to explicit content on a tv channel we would have never had in our home but he worked on for his tech company. It was enough to reactivate the pathway. Unbeknownst to me, he then became addicted worse than before. We were still having sex, but it was bad sex because he was using me (our sex now that he is clean is so different0). It made no difference. All I know is that on my end, he was so mean and distant that I had to force myself to want to have sex with him. I thought I was the problem. But it was him. His use of porn caused problem after problem in our marriage.

    So no, marriage does not fix this. Pretend that porn is cocaine and you'll have a better idea of why you need to fix the problem before you get married. If you were to marry your cocaine dealer you would still never be satisfied because this is about addiction to a high. It has nothing to really do with sex or marriage, that just gets confused in the mix. Think about it, porn is so screwed up that men will go to it instead of being with their beautiful wives who love them. People will get confused and think that their hand is better than the emotional and physical connection of sex with their spouse. They will do it until their dicks don't even function normally anymore. This is not normal and it is not good. Do all that you can to get better before you get married.
     
    LyarTheTruth, MeTP and hope4healing like this.
  17. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Hello Agil_Salim!
    I got married and still pm'd for the first 7 years. I haven't had to use any form of pm+ for 8. So marriage didn't make the pm+ go away. I kinda thought it would. An older guy who's very religious told me that's what happened to him, that he used to sometimes watch a little pornography but it totally went away after he got married. Maybe that's true for him but different people are different. What's working for me now works for friends who aren't married and I hope can work for me someday if I outlive my wife, and it works for me when I'm sleeping well or not and when I'm sitting in front of a computer all day or exercising, any circumstances I think.
     
  18. What is it that's working for you now?
     
  19. aleao

    aleao Fapstronaut

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    Being married did not help preventing me from PMO. The worse, PMO made me want to avoid having intimacy with my spouse. It can even cause erection disfunction in some cases.

    Being addict to PMO and being married is a recipe for a disaster and the only solution is to quit PMO.

    Porn addiction will poison you and eventually destroy you marriage and while you being married, some days will be like hell.

    So the answer is no. being married will not help, you are just going to hurt someone else and yourself.
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2021
  20. Take my word for it. Sex or relationships is not the answer. If you are addicted to PMO you will be the same in a relationship. Addicted to sex and seeing your girl as a cum dumpster. Getting angry and frustrated when not getting any. Then turning to PMO to satisfy your desire. If you wanna break free, semen retention is the path.
     
    Sun_shine, Coak Hakola and aleao like this.

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