Is my case too severe to be cured? I Need your opinions

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kawaya-18, Apr 29, 2021.

  1. Kawaya-18

    Kawaya-18 Fapstronaut

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    I've always been a very sexual person. Started watching porn at 16 and I'm 32 now. Never had any sexual issues and had a great sex life until a couple of years ago.

    In fact, two years ago (actually almost 3 years now), I stopped watching porn because I told myself that it wasn't healthy. I still didn't have any sexual issues at that time, I had a great libido. But as soon as I stopped watching porn, within one week, I suddenly lost my libido and had my first experience of ED with a girl. I freaked out and restarted watching porn to "test" if my penis was still working.

    Since then, I feel like I have zero libido, I'm never horny anymore, I don't feel like watching porn (doesn't turn me on anymore) but I would still do it, I barely have morning wood (but not great quality), never have wet dreams or random erections and my erections are of bad quality. But as mentioned I kept on PMOing for those 2-3 years just to check if I can still get an erection. I can but I'm never really turned on. I feel kind of aesexual now.

    Before this happened I was always horny, always had great morning wood and at least a wet dream every two weeks and my erections were great quality.

    My theory: when I stopped watching porn 3 years ago, I entered a flatline and I never got out of it cause I restarted on PMOing.

    I found out about noFap 3 weeks ago and decided to give it a go but so far no results.

    So my question is: Since I've been PMOing for 3 years with basically no libido, have I destroyed my brain (reward system)? Or can a reboot (even if it has to be a year or more) can bring me back to my normal state or bring my libido back?
     
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  2. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    A reboot can bring you back. But you need to commit, healing takes time.

    Cheers!
     
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  3. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Don't worry too much. Worrying will just cause relapse
     
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  4. When All Light Dies

    When All Light Dies Fapstronaut

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    How clean is your reboot? You must not watch ANY porn. Not even a single second. This is where most people mess up.
     
  5. Kawaya-18

    Kawaya-18 Fapstronaut

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    I didn't watch any sexual content for the past 3 weeks, not even instagram pics. I don't even feel like watching any sexual content anyway, my sex drive is dead.

    Do you think I could have "fried" my brain beyond repair by keeping on PMOing for the past 2-3 years while my libido was already shot?
     
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  6. Starfinder89

    Starfinder89 Fapstronaut

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    I think you have arousal disorder.
    That's a fancy word for: You haven't had sex with a woman, that you've been intimate with, often enough to re-learn to enjoy sex.
    I recommend you try out to date a girl and date her seriously. Have many orgasms through sex, so you can get used to "cumming" inside a girl, as you came thousands of times to watching porn. When you're confident enough to cumming with a woman, then you'll perhaps connect orgasms to women - as you should - and enjoy them for what they are: Great feeling as in the past with porn, only not alone anymore.
     
  7. Cyberpunk3000

    Cyberpunk3000 Fapstronaut

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    I'm also in an almost similar situation. Only worse that I kept pmo'ing for 9 years after I got pied and pe. And 7 years after I lost my libido completely.
    I have the same doubt, if my brain is fried because of it.
    My current streal of no porn is 1 year. And no pmo 6months.
    So far morning wood is back, penis shrinkage is gone during flaccid state.anxiety and depression is better unless I lose sleep. It gets worse. So my biggest priority is getting good sleep.
    As for libido or erections, no sign of them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2021
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  8. When All Light Dies

    When All Light Dies Fapstronaut

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    First off: Congrats on your fantastic 6 months streak!

    Some people here like to point out how long a flatline can last. However, I also believe that not ALL problems are necessarily connected to PMO.
    It might be that you are just suffering from regular ED (as in... not EVERY erectile dysfunction has to be PIED). Your your PMO triggered a real ED.

    Whatever the cause, you might want to see a doctor. You ALSO might want to try using blue pills or whatever he prescribes you.

    May I ask how old you are and if you have a partner or regular sex (attempts)?
     
  9. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

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    I think he's better off rebooting and then rewiring.
     
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  10. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Reboot first, then rewire.
    Everything will depend on how commitment.
    From what I have read up until now, I don't see why it wouldn't get better when you take the necessary steps @Kawaya-18
     
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  11. Brokenwings27

    Brokenwings27 Fapstronaut

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    No one is beyond repair. Just take it easy and dont run to porn as a trap. If you want to "test" wait at least 3 months and test with just touch. Thats how you know youre good. Not testing with PMO
     
  12. Cyberpunk3000

    Cyberpunk3000 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you.
    I am 31 and I am very sure that it's PIED. I did a backtracking of how I started pmo and when pied kicked in. And all my symptoms that set in over the years are classic PMO related.
    I started pmo with dvds(13-14) and it was infrequent until the age of 18 as I didn't have privacy(had maybe 40 DVDs) until when I got a laptop at 19 with slow speed internet and within 2-3 years pied/pe kicked in. And I got high speed internet only at 24 after which my symptoms worsened big time and my porn stash increased ten fold. Until then I used to get morning wood and rock hard boners with girls. My initial encounters were at the age of 16 getting blowjobs, had sex when I was 18 and the first time I could just go on and on. Had rock hard erections. First longterm gf at 20, I still had healthy erections and pied started appearing by the end of 21 slowly worsening by the age of 23. Libdio started declining from 23-24. At that point, I always thought it was venous leak. But I was just paranoid and couldn't connect the dots.
    hormone profile, checked with doctor. And Am absolutely fine.(only my vit d was low)
    So its pied, I have fried my androgen and Dopamine receptors.
    I could get it up with next gf(23-29.5) only with some assistance or had sex in the morning using mediocre morning wood I used to get which only got worse over the time and became nonexistent. As I kept watching porn even after pied showed up. Plus, I could get erections with porn but only a feeble one with partner which needed oral or hand stimulation. I did come across ybop when I was 24 but still being dumb, I wasnt serious about my illnes and couldn't be sure of porn being the cause or being in denial and did not commit to nofap.
    I never drink or smoke. Eat healthy, workout 5 times a week and keep myself fit. And organic ED jus doesn't kick in a early 20s or for that matter even a guy in 30s or 40s and pmo doesn't trigger organic ed. it's either it was present right from the beginning or some physical damage has happened directly. The doc was very clear about this to me. And organic ed happens always happens after 50s or 60s unless the person lead a very unhealthy lifestyle.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2021
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  13. Starfinder89

    Starfinder89 Fapstronaut

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    I think you have had enough space from porn.
    It's my firm believe that you need to re- approach sex.

    How did you have sex with your first gf? Was it good for the both of you? Was it intimate, such as looking into each others eyes etc.?
    That can matter, because when you have sex while watching porn on the regular, you can have porn- thoughts while having sex. So that would mean - and that's my theory - that if you do start sex, after quitting porn, that your brain is empty. That means you don't connect sex to orgasms. Instead you connect masturbation through porn to orgasms and when you have sex you actually repeat what you've done watching porn the day before or so.
    Now, with your brain gotten rid of porn, you are facing real sex - the one, where your brain has to re-connect the wires of intercourse to orgasms, like the ones you were used, when you were still masturbating to porn.
    This process is called rewirering, as most guys here know.
    That rewirering however is its own process, because you might end up not liking sex at first. It's not as safe and used to as porn related orgasms.
    Your first few orgasms with a woman therefore can suck - like disappointingly suck.
    By continuing to sleep with a girl, through connection on an emotional basis and trust, you can re-learn how you should feel around the act of fu**ing. It should feel just like masturbation, except you're not doing it alone anymore.
    So a problem - and I might be totally off right here - for you might be, that you need to find a partner, whom you can trust fully. Someone, that you can have experiences that are positive, or at least not negative. Talk about sex, about your libido and the fact that it is not rewired yet, when you don't get it up.

    See, one problem CAN be, that by abstinence you are just training your brain to be fine without orgasming. The stress of dating, of trying to pick up a girl, or even worse: the stress of potentionally not being able to become erect, are all hard stress factors. With abstinence you're avoiding all of these, which is great. That leaves the brain time to reboot, which is part of the process.
    But after rebooting there must at some point be the will to overcome that sexual anciety. Perhaps you need to wait for the right girl, or you have to "force" yourself a little bit and go out and date and try to find not just any girl, but one, who you can talk openly to about your arousal problems and libido- loss.

    It all depends on you.
    Perhaps you still need more time to reboot. You know that better than I do. For me the signal to go out and date was when I really had stopped thinking about porn with any urge. I got horny, but didn't want to masturbate to porn. So I was torn between this semi- horniness that I couldn't connect to anything and also loss of libido.
    I found a girl, that was willing to go through with me, even though, I sucked sexually speaking.
    But that was important for me to rewire and eventually it worked.
    You decide on how you do it. Perhaps ask more questions, if you're insecure. That's why this forum helps. Or PN me or whatever.
    Read a book, haha. The classic.
    Or stay on your path and reboot more. The time is different for everyone.

    Cheers.
     
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  14. Cyberpunk3000

    Cyberpunk3000 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the advice. And re-affriming that I am on the right path. It means a lot to me.

    With my first long term gf the sex was amazing and there was a LOT of eye contact and that connection during sex it was very intimate and lots of communication and horniness, though after pied/pe kicked in she started feeling the sex was short. But I always felt that sex with her was amazing. Later with my second gf there was always a disconnect. It jus wasn't doing it for me. That's when I got hold of high speed internet. Adding no libido to it was last nail on the coffin. But one thing to note is that, I did not fantasize about porn scenes during sex, With either of them or at least thats what I recall now.
    This makes a lot of sense. Though I did not fantasize about porn scenes during sex. I was jus functioning in a porn-matrubation-orgasm mechanism even during sex by being mechanical and not connecting with my partner on an intimate level. This is an eye opener. That's a theory I'd get behind.
    Thank you for the advice. Will keep them in mind. And go forward accordingly without losing hope. I guess the second level has its own level of difficulty.
    I know one day I have to do this. And it sounds daunting and insurmountable. But I gotta do it. There is no other way around it. I hope I find someone compassionate jus like you found someone. And am happy for you that you met someone like that. Kudos to you and her.
    Even I was thinking the same. But I believe I have been frying my androgen and Dopamine receptors and my overall brain all these years.
    I am jus thinking of giving it a year or two to heal my brain and my body from all the damage. Like you said avoid the stressors and let the body heal. And then,look for someone even if don't see any improvement under the belt. As it might require a jumpstart by being with someone than solely rely on abstinence.
    I quit porn a year ago and 6months of no pmo. But my goal is to reach at least 14 months as most addicitions take to recover from. Though it is based on substance addicition recovery, I am jus keeping that as a ballpark. Which I will attain by Dec of this year. And maybe put myself out there, after that. Right now I don't have any urge to watch porn or download. And I am a digital hoarder. Its really huge for me that I haven't download for a year now. I have been channeling my collecting habit towards books and other healthy stuff.
    In the meantime, I am jus working on myself. Trying to reach my body goals. Learning new instruments and languages. Reading books.
    Though sleep, is the only area where i get hit hard the most during recovery. Which leads to anxiety and loss of impulse control. Though am working on that too.

    But thanks a ton for explaining your observations and your theory which makes absolute sense. And thank you for being compassionate and reading my story and understanding it. Especially not discrediting me saying that I have an organic issue because I am a long rebooter. And it feels really good after talking to someone about this and getting such compassionate advice as I haven't spoken about this to anyone. Thanks again man.

    And hope OP is not mad that I hijacked his post or something.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2021
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  15. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    I think everyone can change. God bless you and stay strong!
     
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  16. TheMathFolder

    TheMathFolder Fapstronaut

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    It's hard to tell exactly what happened, but there are some steps that are always helpful no matter what.
    Staying away completely from porn will only do you good, but you won't necessarily notice any difference in the beginning, so just keep it going.
    Healthier habits always help as well. Your issue could easily stem from depression or high stress, and not necessarily be porn-related. Reflect on your situation and find ways in which you can make your life better.

    Other than these positive changes that you can make in your life, if the issue persists or you think that you need something more, you could always try going to a doctor. They don't have all the answers, but who knows, maybe it's a hormonal issue that a doctor can help you with.

    Finally, don't worry about permanent damage and things like that. The brain is great at adapting and overcoming stuff like this. I don't think your case (or any case really, if we are talking about things like this) is too bad to be a lost cause.
     
  17. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    it's up to you not nofap practice!
     
  18. Kawaya-18

    Kawaya-18 Fapstronaut

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    Not sure to understand what you mean?
     
  19. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    I have the same condition
     
  20. Mr Anderson

    Mr Anderson Fapstronaut

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    34 years here 19 of addiction, sometimes libido doesn't have anything to do with quitting porn, sometimes there are other root causes in my case depression, didn't notice I was depressed and was attributing my lack of libido to porn quitting, you should ask yourself if you're anxious about other things, I also noticed that somewhat I was making everything happen somehow, like I had very high libido went depressed and started thinking what if I lose my libido and erections and boom lost them like magic, maybe the same is happening for you and anxiety is cutting your energies and libido
     

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