Is my girlfriend going to be angry?

She will likely be angry and/or disappointed. P is essentially the same as cheating on her. And you were trying to get around the blocks you've agreed to have put in place in order to access P or a P-sub. So, guilty as charged.

How can she trust you? How can you trust yourself? These are the important questions to begin to address.

 

She will be disappointed that you didn't reach out to her and hid it. If you had been triggered and started searching and stopped and let her know, called her, etc. then it would have been a much better response.

Honestly, in recovery you need to learn coping skills and have a list of people to call at a moments notice of any trigger. I had 3-5 people I could call at any time if I was struggling with my PTSD from my sexual trauma's and wanted to cut. I made it over 3 years without cutting because of my coping skills and people on that list.

If technology is a huge trigger, cut it out. My husband is coming on 3 years clean because we cracked down hard in the beginning - no social media, no TV with sex or lingerie or triggering scenes (if there were he instantly looked away and does so to this day), no pointless time on technology the use always is important (homework, work, etc.), and no video games (as many video games can be very p-subby). To this day he is happier with less tech in his life and is living recovery and feels so much better