Is my instagram model / amateur porn addiction contributing to my lack of sex drive with my GF?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by JimSail52, Sep 14, 2021.

  1. JimSail52

    JimSail52 Fapstronaut

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    Hi All,

    First of all, I know the best person to answer my question is myself. However I do value if others have had similar experiences/insight and could shed some light!

    I have always been a serial masturbator from basically 14 years old. I am 27 now and my porn of choice is amateur porn (where the girl is a 10/10) or instagram models.

    I have a girlfriend I am definitely attracted to. However my sex drive for her seems extremely low. And when we do have sex, I enjoy it, however I am focused on her flaws a lot and it makes me quite anxious. For instance I notice veins, fat rolls (she's not fat though), lump on her back, weird looking knees, bruises, detail on her nipples. All things that don't show on perfect amateurs and instagram models when they're on a screen and edited I guess.

    My GF and I we have been together for 6 years, and for the past 4 years we have had sex maybe once per week on average. Sometimes a lot more on holidays and weekends and sometimes a lot less when she is on her period / we are stressed. I really wish this was higher, and she does too. A lot of the time I prefer masturbating to perfect models on instagram because its quick and those models look amazing. However I think surely this is having an affect on me? I literally seem to prefer it most of the time.

    I probably masturbate about 7-10 times per week. I kind of wish these masturbation sessions were converted into sex sessions. However masturbating just seems easier and requires less effort and doesn't make me anxious.

    So basically I have two questions:

    1. Can this level of PMO I am doing have an effect on my sex drive with real women, or am I just not attracted in reality to my girlfriend and crave these perfect model types that I see on instagram and amateur porn videos?

    2. Can constant viewing of instagram and amateur models distort the view of your girlfriend, and make you focus on her flaws to the point where you are semi-turned off by her and prefer masturbating to perfect models?

    Thanks all!
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2021
  2. treed

    treed Fapstronaut

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    I think its normal for you to focus on perfect women, they're not accessible for most men, like lets say 95 to 98% of the general male population, and you add to that face tune apps and body tuning apps.

    About the second question you asked, what you're looking at on Instagram might be causing what you're experiencing, and the best way know for certain is to abstain for a period of time, and then see if it goes away.

    and about "am I just not attracted in reality to my girlfriend",

    right before you said : "I have a girlfriend I am definitely attracted to".

    I think sometimes it's hard to know when you're into someone because there's a lot of very attractive women out there, and it's normal to want someone else. I might be wrong maybe it doesn't apply to u.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2021
    88991s likes this.
  3. JimSail52

    JimSail52 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I can totally see my contradiction there. I guess what I mean to say is that my girlfriend is not ugly. She is quite pretty in general and has a good body, however I just see all these other beautiful women and they just seem better looking?
     
  4. treed

    treed Fapstronaut

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    yeah for sure.
    those women might be better looking than your girlfriend.
    and you might be more into them, and that might make you not want your gf as much.
     
  5. treed

    treed Fapstronaut

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    At the same time if I can add something else to it,
    like, the grass is always greener elsewhere.
    Maybe look at it from a different perspective,
    like, what does your girlfriend have that makes you stay with her, other than her physical appearance?

    And like start from there.
     
    E31 likes this.
  6. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Yes yes and yes. All these things are making you less turned on by your girlfriend and less satisfied with your relationship. Let's go through the process.

    1. Your brain doesn't know what porn and sex are. Your brain knows exactly what alcohol, cocaine, and THC are, but it has no way of identifying porn or sex. Instead, your mind looks for various cues to identify sexual activities, such as certain body parts, certain physical stimuli, certain types of facial expressions, etc. Your mind finds sex rewarding because when having sex, you pass on your genetic material into a female who will birth your offspring. Porn is rewarding because your mind thinks you're having sex. However...

    2. Porn is not the same as sex. There are many things about porn that make it much more intense and enjoyable compared to sexual relationships, not limited to but including:
    • frequent novelty (your brain thinks new videos are new women you're impregnating which means more babies)
    • shocking material (gay, transgender, bondage, rough/rape play, etc.)
    • endless amounts of material (allowing arousal to stay up for hours)
    3. This over stimulus from porn desensitizes your brain, pushing you to seek out content more frequently or content that is more extreme. Additionally, the desensitization causes you to feel less excited by normal stimuli, such as your girlfriend. Your base attraction to her will continuously get lower. Additionally, if you're always jerking it girls that are underweight, wearing lots of makeup (look up porn stars before/after makeup, it's astounding), have cosmetic surgery, are completely hairless, and act a certain way in bed, you're not gonna get aroused when you're girlfriend isn't like that.

    Check out these FAQs to answer some of your questions.

    Porn FAQs

    Here are some I think you will find relevant.

    Are my sexual problems (ED, DE, low libido) related to my porn use?

    What do experts tell young guys suffering from ED (the good & the bad)

    Studies linking porn use or porn addiction to sexual dysfunctions, lower arousal, and lower sexual & relationship satisfaction

    What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

    Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?

    What do I say to my mate?

    Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?

    What if my partner is a porn addict?

    Neuroscience-based studies on porn users and sex addicts

    Why did my porn use escalate?

    Why is the idea of sexual variety so enticing?

    What are the symptoms of excessive Internet porn use?

    How is Internet porn different from porn of the past?

    Studies reporting findings consistent with escalation of porn use (tolerance), habituation to porn, and even withdrawal symptoms
     
  7. You have great self-awareness, man. One of the reasons I like amateur ladies is because of how not perfect they are. I like the wrinkles, the birthmarks, the normal stuff. I can guarantee you that those girls put creams and makeup on those bodies. When you look closely, you can see the acne, the little pimples on the skin, etc. None of them are perfect, but they're hot. One thing that I think could help is getting on your work and taking care of yourself. Here's a fun one. Tell your girl, hey I got a surprise for you, let's not have sex for two weeks. In those two weeks you can be with each other, but far away from internet junk. When day 15 arrives, take it slow and look at her body, and let your body do the rest. Pulling yourself away from her physicality (sex) and the internet (addiction), has got to do wonders for both of yall's dopamine receptors. The trick to this is you can't be idle and neither can she. Spend your time busily and/or with each other and get to work only.
     
  8. Jeremybeans

    Jeremybeans Fapstronaut

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    TL;DR

    But answering your heading...

    Yes.
     
  9. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    The answer to your question: yes, viewing porn and Instagram models will have a direct effect on your attraction to your GF.

    cut out all porn and masturbation, and the intensity of the enjoyment of sex with your girlfriend will naturally rise.
     
  10. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

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  11. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut


    Bruh! Give up on those models damn! Does your gf know that you're into this stuff? Ima tell you big guy You gonna feel way better Give up on Fapping and nsfw stuff on internet.
     
  12. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

    Perfect!
     
    modernstore99 likes this.
  13. Starchild5x

    Starchild5x Fapstronaut

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    I am the partner of a PA and yes definitely everything you described is because of your porn use! But at least your willing to except this is possibly the cause.good luck
     
  14. CastratedLegend1

    CastratedLegend1 Fapstronaut

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    when you jack off it cant last forever and you always move onto more perversions until youre dead
     
    Starchild5x likes this.

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