Hello guys. Before I tell you a little about my story, I would like to thank you very much for the support and the existence of this group in my life. I've been using pornography non-stop for 15 years, started innocently with magazines and got to the point of cam2cam. As a teenager, I had some girlfriends but my love and sex life have always been a disaster. I lost my virginity with my current wife, an incredible person who's about to leave me. It took me a long time to realize the damage this was causing us. We have been married for 4 years. In the first year, maybe because of my total commitment in this relationship and on her, I did not use porn for good months and even without any sexual experience, I was surprised by my performance and ability. We lived an incredible life that began to collapse around the second year when I began to use pornography even more intensely than it had once been. I spent A LOT of money. By the end of our third year, she discovered that I was sustaining my addiction to a credit card that she had no control over and I ended up telling all my problem to her, which until then was "only" financial. I did not know that my poor sexual performance and my inability to show affection for her - strengths in our first year - were due to my addiction. There was a lot of resentment and hurt, but she supported me immensely. I started to go after more information about it and a new world opened up for me. It was 3 months until my first slide, earlier this year. Once again she was incredibly strong and helped me a lot in my resumption, which lasted again three months. After that, I realized that she was already more hurt, quiet and distant. It affected me a lot because in my head it was her duty to support me and always be happy with me. An innocent mistake I've made several times since. I came back with more strength to try to stop the addiction but in vain. I failed several times with my most recent failure two days ago (I am part of the 30 day challenge here in NoFap). I never spent 90 days without PMO. I use various apps like Fortify, BrainBuddy and hundreds of other information sources, but I have not yet been able to get the strength to stop it. Relapses usually last a day but are devastating. Since then I have always been asking my wife how she is feeling but she has also changed a lot since then, and she hardly opens up to me. Today I was stressed with this and we ended up getting into a huge fight. She brought several things that had happened a few months ago like the day I said I'm afraid if in the middle of that journey I find myself wanting to betray her and have sex with other people because my sexual experience is zero. Sounds crazy, right? But yeah, I said that. Since I said that, about 2 months ago, she's been checking my social networks for some hint of betrayal. The truth is that I have some friendships with women who I often talk on social networks, but my wife thinks I can betray her to these people. Just as I betrayed her online with porn and virtual sex. We find ourselves today in an absurd fight, with screams, punches in the wall and much resentment. At the beginning of this discussion, I said that our marriage will hardly heal because we are so broken that I no longer see how to go back and from there, several times during the discussion, we talk about ending the marriage. She even pulled a suitcase out of the closet and began packing her things. I'm really scared and without hope of reversing this time. I love her a lot, but I do not know how to help her while I do not even know how to help myself. What to do? Sorry if some part does not make sense, I'm still pretty confused by everything that happened. Thank you.