Is my wife porn?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by WhvYDK5z, Apr 22, 2019.

  1. WhvYDK5z

    WhvYDK5z Fapstronaut

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    My wife says I don't love her and she's just an object. She says I only use her for her body. It's been several weeks since I've looked at porn, and now her body is very arousing to me. It's it a relapse to get aroused by her and think about her body?
     
  2. Peter808

    Peter808 Fapstronaut

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    Hi there!

    I thought I'd chip in because a really similar thing happened to me.

    Let me recap very shortly my story. Been in a relationship for 18 years, got 2 wonderful kids, then relationship started to go bad, couldn't save it but stayed in for the kids, started using porn, and then I separated. Not because of porn, that was my secret. But because we finally decided we'd better on our own separate way. As for porn, it was too late, I was addicted. I had PIED. Couldn't get hard with my girlfriend. She's amazing - she understood what I was going trough ans she was very understanding.

    Anyway this girl often made me this comment after sex... I objectified her. She feels we were not connected. I was doing stuff TO her instead of WITH her. Man, it probably took me 2 years to get it. I wasn't able to understand what she was meaning. As a matter of fact, I was more interested to have sex with her body than have sex with her... I could go down on her every single time yet would not enjoy when she did that to me. I would not allow to abandon myself with her.

    So yeah I do get it and it makes total sense. Man, after 5 years, yeah - 5 years, I feel like 2 weeks ago I had my first emotional orgasm... We were making love and I was looking at her, and just felt this wave of love and it made me orgasm. It was wonderful... I am just trying to get my brain around the fact that my girl is as interested as making me feel god than the opposite. And to this date I still have troubles letting myself fully go. I am still more turned on with what I do to her than what she would do to me. I always and still find her super sexy. I feel a shift though where I find HER sexy than just her BODY.

    So in that way, no, it's not a relapse and I think it's super positive. Be aroused by her; she's not only a body; get all your senses involved; the softness of her skin, her smell, the way she tastes even. There are so many exercices you can do to awake all your senses. Just look online and you'll find plenty.

    Keep yourself off the porn and have sex WITH her.
     
  3. PMOare4SoyBoys

    PMOare4SoyBoys Fapstronaut

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    Well you have to look at it in the overall context, being aroused by her body isn't necessarily a reason to say that you only see her as an object, besides isn't it a good thing that you are attracted to her in the first place?

    She says that you don't love her, so is that the case or is it not? Also ask yourself the question as to whether you care about her happiness or do you only care about what you can get out of the relationship?
     
    ZenAF and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  4. WhvYDK5z

    WhvYDK5z Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Peter, are you not supposed to do this? ""Anyway this girl often made me this comment after sex"
     
  5. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    I can understand the conundrum guys get into when their wives make an accusation like that.
    But the question "Is my wife porn?" xD I mean come on, seriously?

    You're SUPPOSED to be aroused by her. And if she doesn't like to be objectified during sex she should become a lesbian an be with a woman. Men are hardwired to be visual! That doesn't mean we don't have any emotions during sex or that we don't love them and don't appreciate them for who they are beyond their body. But for crying out loud we are turned on by tits and ass for a reason!

    I mean unless you bang her from behind and mush her face into the pillow EVERY TIME I think your wife has an unnatural idea of what sex is supposed to be, which is likely influenced by today's cancerous forms of feminism.

    Sex is filthy. That's what turns us on. It's not "sensual". The foreplay may be, but that's bound to stop at some point. There's nothing more of a turn off than woman with pretentious "self-respect" who's unwilling to unleash her inner slut.

    Porn didn't make us want sluttiness btw. It simply fulfills a need that was always there.

    You could make a case that tantric sex focuses less on the visuals, but that stuff is like a philosophy and really hard to acquire and chances are your wife is just as clueless in that department as the majority of society.

    So really she's accusing you for being a man and you can't let that fly.
     
  6. QuietKarma

    QuietKarma Fapstronaut

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    Not sure I agree with you bro, the original poster said that his wife told him:
    "She says I only use her for her body."

    Sounds pretty objectifying to me. Surely you're supposed to love your wife in a myriad of ways including for their body?
     
  7. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    How would she know what goes on in his head? Maybe he's just not that good at expressing himself.
    To me that kind of phrase is almost never used to accurately describe a situation, but rather as weapon to express anger and unhappiness. That anger could be the dude's fault, but that doesn't make her statement right. Why did she marry him otherwise?
     
    QuietKarma likes this.

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