Is porn addiction a result of the failure to have the opportunity of sexual fulfillment?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by lonercub, Dec 15, 2021.

  1. lonercub

    lonercub Fapstronaut

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    What I mean by this is that, I see a lot of the cases of porn addiction seems to be due to not having a partner.

    Not havig a partner we are frustrated and unfulfilled sexually.

    There seems to be a critical point in early adoloscents where having a partner might be very important.

    Is porn addiction a failure of parents to prepare their children for dating and relationships?

    Boys have always been the ones obsessed with things. As a child it starts with toys, cars and moves onto gaming such as video game consoles and PC etc.

    Girls on the other hand, even though they start out playing with dolls and barbies, are more interested in making relationships it seems. Girls turn to people when they have anxieties, boys turn to things like gaming PCs, Xbox, PlayStation(gaming consoles get it? It consoles you) and eventually when anxieties happen in early adulthood, what you going to turn to? Will the boys to turn to people like girls do or will the boys turn things to destress? Hence the start of porn addiction.

    I wonder if things would have been different if I had a girlfriend in high school. Would the addictions I have now never have developed? It's driving me crazy trying to figure out the answer to my question.

    Having a girlfriend seem less of a need for porn. And if there is still a need for porn, perhaps it is due to an unfulfilled sexual life. Perhaps the person has a fetish and wants the girl to perform his fantasy. Failure for this to happen could lead to seeking porn.

    This brings me to my other question. Do most porn addicts have a fetish? If so that would make sense because it means its unfulfillment that leads to one seeking porn.

    If we were to make a survey and a graph of people with fetish and people addicted to porn, I wonder if it would overlap mostly. What do you think?
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2021
  2. The seeker

    The seeker Fapstronaut

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    I would say there are myriad reasons why people get addicted to porn. I have known porn addicts who have an abundant sex life and others whose sex life is non-existent. There are so many different reasons why people would get off on watching porn, however I would say fantasy and escapism are the biggest reasons why people do.
     
  3. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    In the case of my men from the 3rd world - I believe we were unlucky to be born in a place were we are deprived from sex since day 1...

    It's no wounder why many men find Porn there only relief as it is there only relief... They don't have any other option besides that - so they go with it.
     
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  4. Gar Funkle

    Gar Funkle Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it has anything to do with partners or a lack of them, honestly from my personal experience of being addicted to P and M since 2015ish which would put me at around 13 years of age, the main reason why I was so lost in addiction was coping to my surroundings and the depressing environment. To be honest, way before I was addicted to PMO, I used to talk to and even had one off relationships with girls back then that would last a week or two so this theory of lack of girl friends doesn't really apply.

    The problem I believe that causes porn addiction is loneliness and depression. Even when I was talking to the girls back then I just remember how depressing my life was and It would take away any feelings I could've had back then. In fact i remember asking myself why don't i have a crush way before I was addicted to porn, I liked girls but for some reason I was just not at all in the mood for anything like that. Then I found P and I used it to feel better, but for some reason I never wanted a GF while addicted to porn. Its as if porn and women were two different things for me. Only in 2018 did I make an effort to quit since I realized how negative It was effecting me, If i had just never used porn in the first place I would've been so much better.

    I think the answer is to just never be exposed to porn before 18 years old so you can form normal relationships with people.

    You may have a point though for the majority of people, maybe it does have an impact on the overall relationship with pornography, but I don't believe that is a main pull for it. Its more likely desperation and curiosity that cause it.
     
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  5. My opinion
    Porn addiction or pmo obsession is not due to the reason you stated above.
    Yes, it may be a reason for some people, but for majority people pmo addiction is an escape used by them to escape from a big problem, they are facing in life.

    I am having a cancer and having a surgery. I lost one of my organs. (2020) so in start of 2021 i am fapping more and more and i am not sad due to my condition.i am like its no big deal. But now i am on nofap and every single day, seeing other healthy men i am so sad, (due to my condition )..but on the same side i am happy too, because now i am sad like a normal human being and i am not escaping, i am facing the reality.
     
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  6. NutMaster777

    NutMaster777 Fapstronaut

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    I think sexual frustration might be a factor yeah, I read somewhere that women had become so exigent when picking a partner, that unsuccessful men would find relieve in watching porn, that they would become so angry at women for not loving them, that they would seek violent porn as a way to punish those women, there’s a quote from pornographer Bill Margold “ The most violent we can get is a cum shot in the face”.
     
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  7. Gar Funkle

    Gar Funkle Fapstronaut

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    you are on the nose with it my friend. I hope you recover well from your cancer and have no further problems.
     
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  8. NutMaster777

    NutMaster777 Fapstronaut

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    I think you wouldn’t get an interest in relationships because women from “pornland” are not real women, they are mere sexual objects, stupid hoes who only know how to suck a dick, in practice, inhuman.
     
  9. Gar Funkle

    Gar Funkle Fapstronaut

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    You are very correct my friend, I have found that out only in the last few years. One of my biggest regrets was to get so lost in Pornography.
     
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  10. Ok_Poem_2940

    Ok_Poem_2940 Fapstronaut

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    Some of them is as a form of escapism; had a (now former) friend who has a history of dating girls who some do consider to be average (in looks), those who are known to be shy (who typically are terrible at sex) or under 18s (even though he was in his 30s) - because they pose no threat to him and his insecurity. You'd expect him to quit porn once he is in a LTR but no...even though he is now married, he still consumes porn whilst she is getting treatment for her breast cancer (he told me he has a PC for porn)

    Mine because one of my ex disapproved of my taste in luxury lingerie, high heels and stockings that I liked in women - she had shitty self-esteem that whenever we went on a date, it was too much work, we simply had nothing in common - it was either get an appointment with a courtesan but thankfully, we split up though other reasons.
     
  11. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    Not necessarily. All these negative situations "causing" P addiction,(escapism, depression, loneliness, etc) don't explain why you can get hooked before you even hit puberty as a carefree child.
     
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  12. lonercub

    lonercub Fapstronaut

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    Getting back to this topic. Would finding a partner we really like, with a fulfilling sexual life, diminish the need to watch porn?

    Here is another way to think about it. What if one was lucky enough to find a partner that they really like. Heck just to make my point here, lets even assume they are more hot than even the porn stars one usually sees online. Then why on Earth would one feel the need to watch porn? They would be seeing that hot girl in their bedroom infront of them and not on the screen and would be living out their fantasy.

    Often times when one watches porn, we are hoping to be guy in the video. To be experiencing it, which is not possible because it is on the screen.

    So if a person was lucky enough to have a partner that they really liked and they were fulfilled sexually, perhaps even their fetish was fulfilled, why watch porn?

    I think it is good for us to talk about this, because this would then mean than a crucial part in recovery lies in the partner that we have, and not being happy with that we are just suppressing what we want to have, which can lead to a life long misery.

    If we are happy and sexually fulfilled with our partner, what need will there be for porn and escapism. We will be where we want to be. We won't even want to escape from that.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2022
  13. desmond318

    desmond318 Fapstronaut

    Some opinion of mine...

    I started masturbating since around 12 y/o, gay, never thought of having a partner before, but I still started doing it. I think the addiction stems from a wrong attitude to life, that we try to find "shortcuts" to happiness. We just want to get instant reward with minimal amount of effort. We just want to get and don't want to give to the society.

    For me, I have a very deep-seated habit of thinking life in this way. It wasn't just porn, when I was first exposed to computer games at 6 y/o, I became addicted to it quickly, and I am 31 y/o now, still a video game addict.

    I agree that an unsatisfactory life is more likely to trigger an addiction. When one is so disappointed to the real world, he might just give up and start to use "shortcuts" and escape from the real life. However, some people may just be like me, nothing too wrong in life, but accidentally come across "shortcuts" like porn, then start doing it regularly as an effortless way to feel "happiness".
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2022
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  14. lonercub

    lonercub Fapstronaut

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    It's interesting you mention short-cuts. But this can also be due to two things. One an intense desire and "horniness" that makes finding partner too difficult and time consuming which can take weeks, months or even years to get. And second, a lack of self-esteem, where the person doesn't feel confident to get what he wants, which brings me back to my first points of the parents raising the child. If the parents failed to foster confidence, and failed to make the child become a "go-getter", to get the things he wants in life, he might end up in addictions, because he is unable to get the things he wants.

    It's almost becomes an impossibility to even imagine he can get the girl he really likes. So an addiction to porn almost becomes inevitable.
     
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  15. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    I completely agree with this. There are many reasons why people get into porn, and they are all valid. But you could also get into porn just by casually using and it gradually gets outs of hand. This is of course more of an issue when we are children or teens and are really not thinking too well, but it can also happen as an adult.

    So I guess, i think we all get into it for different reasons and they are all valid. Maybe the only important addition is that we need to consider the reasons we got into pmo when quiting.
     
  16. im_done

    im_done Fapstronaut

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    This definitely describes my situation. I didn't have a car during my teen years, and I wasn't about to have a family member pick me up in a car, so If I wasn't doing school stuff or cleaning, I was sleeping or wasting time on YouTube. It got worse after graduation because I had more time for gaming which destroyed my hobbies and sexual opportunity. That being said, the others are right about escapism and fantasy. I still don't understand how people with a myriad of sexual experiences still waste their time on this crap.
     
  17. wastewater

    wastewater Fapstronaut

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    PA fills a void in what in what " you perceive " as an empty and lonely life. In reality you may be a genuine loner or be surrounded by others, yet feel alienated/isolated. It starts off as an ideal fit for your situation. Over time, it begins to consume more and more of your available time, destroying any residual traits/activities of your former self. When you finally attempt to pursue a healthy sexual relationship, you are hamstrung by your skewered PA expectations. Perhaps if you had developed a regular relationship first, then you would never have been in position to consider porn ? We cannot know that. But if we are to believe what fellow addicts post on this forum, such is not the case. Porn is a powerful mind drug, able to jack up dopamine levels beyond our normal bodily limits. That is why even those of us who have partners find ourselves struggling with this scourge.
     
  18. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Weren't we all just young, dumb and horny?

    We got hooked and then found it hard to unhook. There's not always a deep-seated reason.
     
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  19. wastewater

    wastewater Fapstronaut

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  20. It makes sense to frame it as a (one possible) result, though I would look at it more like PA has multiple possible contributing causes, and you can have more than one.

    In other words it's just the whole situation, and everyones will be at least slightly different. Even if someone doesn't have a porn or even sex addiction, because of a combination of their experience growing up in the family and early relationship experiences maybe they end up being very codependent, and that's an addiction in itself. Or maybe something else happens like injury resulting in chronic pain and that manifests as an opioid addiction.

    There is no quick answer to a question like this, this is why people in various addiction recovery programs (not just 12 Step) do some kind of life inventory to kind of unpack what makes us tick. Whenever I mention this though I want to warn against framing those as "wow, my life sucks and I've done shitty things" kind of perspective. The way to get value out of that process is to UNDERSTAND yourself, not judge and criticize yourself.
     
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