Is sex as addicting as porn?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by The Valiant, Nov 2, 2019.

  1. The Valiant

    The Valiant Fapstronaut

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    I'm a 17 year old virgin and I've recently started getting a strong urge for sex. I was just wondering if sex is as addicting as porn and masturbation, because I really don't want to develop another addiction that's probably worse.
     
  2. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Potentially. But usually when people say they are 'sex addicts' they are usually addicted to 'one night stands', or prostitutes, rather than just enjoying a plentiful sexual relationship with one person.

    I think the kind of questions you should be asking yourself would be: if you failed to persuade anyone to have sex with you, would you be spending money on prostitutes to satisfy your urge? Would you be having sex with people you aren't attracted to at all, that you will later regret? And - most seriously - if you are in a committed relationship with someone who had a short period of not wanting sex for whatever reason, would you cheat on her/leave her for that reason?

    Ultimately though, I think if you are a 17 year old virgin and you are interested in sex, that is a sign of good sexual health! Plenty of people your age are content to stay home and be satisfied by what they find on the internet...
     
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  3. Lenard Fosterman

    Lenard Fosterman Fapstronaut

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    That's simply what's happening to you when you're (around) 17 ... male puberty is a flush of testosterone to push you out of your childhood comfort zone at mommy's and seek mating opportunities. Go for it, and as long as you stay true to yourself don't let shame get in your way. If sex is an addiction, then maybe life in itself is one.
     
  4. Youre sexual urges are natural. When i was your age, I was chomping at the bit, waiting to be able to experience sex with a woman. My sexual urges were ridiculously high. It was such a fun an crazy experience when i was young and beginning to experience sexual contact.
    So just enjoy yourself. There are plenty of sexual opportunites for you and plenty of women your age that are feeling the same way you do. So just have fun and be safe.
     
  5. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    Go and have sex, stop wasting time, you are 17 sex is what you will think about all the time for the next 5 years.
     
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  6. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I am addicted to selfishness about sex, I call it lust for short, and that means I am addicted to all forms of sex (at least in my mind and if I don't do whatever it takes to get happily free each day the thinking about all forms of selfish sex will manifest in selfish actions I never took before nor planned to take, I have a lot of friends who thought they were just porn addicts until "all of a sudden" they did something that "they would never do") including virtual and purely fantasy all the way up to...I was going to say the Skys the limit but that doesn't fit very well does it? :). I think of it like this, imagine I was addicted to the drug alcohol. That means I am a beer addict and a gin addict. Now a lot of alcohol addicts stick with just one drink, the analogy applied to me would be that I only drank beer in bars. There is this type, go to any bar at about any time of day or night and you can get educated on this type. There are subtypes within that too I imagine, I haven't studied them closely enough to say much. But it would be stupid to think that type would not respond similarly to gin, since it has ethyl-alcohol in it. I think we all know that sex is sex is sex is sex. It's easy to get focused on the details, there are obvious differences between sex with my self and sex with a partner. But the selfishness was there in both: I thought getting married would cure me. I thought I would have all the sex I want. That is not a finite quantity, there is no such thing on this earth as "here is all the sex Andrew will ever want." It ain't out there. Sex didn't cure me of my porn addiction anymore than weed is going to cure someone of alcoholism. Sex didn't cure me of my porn addiction because neither stopping porn nor starting sex nor even trying to change my surface level behaviors around sex makes so much as a dent in my selfishness which is interrelated with that "never enough" process. A lot of my friends say it threw fuel on the fire. It's a spectrum along the SELFISHNESS lines, take a look at other threads such as in problematic sexual behavior, it's all there.
    But this is happily moot for people who aren't really addicts in that sense. A lot of people just pm too much and stopping works for them (opposite to the definition of an addict) and feel real bad about all that pm they did. But if you can stop pm wether straight out or via some other thing just pay attention to how well it works. That's one thing I started to do years ago was, with a lot of mentoring and hand holding and kicks in the ass from people who knew what they were talking about, pay attention to how what I was doing was working, in real time. Of course it started with a lot of looking back at my past since that is easier to see and understand, but eventually I got to where I could see the selfishness just about real time and see how much it hurt me. I don't mean hurt me like consequences although those are there. It turns out having meanguful happy relationships with other real live people is so simple: instead of selfishness act selflessly, people can't help but love and be attracted to that I know I feel that way. The trick is it's hard to find selfless people to emulate and when I'm trying to do so it's hard to sort out selfishness from normalcy.
    For instance, one thing I really like and agree with from above is the idea that sex and the urge for it is natural. That really fits with my experience, the purpose of this as a sex positive site, and simple common sense. No need to get theoretical at all: we have an instinct for sex, that's how we got here. A lot of people are ruled by their instincts, they don't even know that they could say thanks but no thanks to those thoughts and feelings that come up. Or they notice the times they seem to control them because they're around other people and forget the times that they catch up with the addict and control him/her into doing things, it's easy to rationalize "I changed my mind. Turns out I did want to do that." Blown around on the whims of flashing neurons. And then subject to consequences, shame, lost time and energy, etc etc ad nauseam. A thought like any other thought I just a thought, I don't have to do anything about it or even believe it. I thought I wanted to pm+ (the plus covers quite a lot :) ) and it took a lot of painful looking in the mirror (I hated myself very deeply) to see that that didn't make sense when I looked objectively at all the data.
    I'm glad getting married didn't fix me. When my wife and I have sex I immediately want sex again. And I'm glad that I found a path to trod, happily I should add, that lets me just experience that craving and do nothing about it, pay attention without giving it energy or belief or power over me to "make me do things." I'm glad my relationship is getting a lot better due to practicing honesty, humility, service and giving up, among other things. Giving up has probably been the biggest, which is not the same as giving in or quitting. One way it looks like for me is during arguments, I give up. I say to people, such as my boss or my wife or my developers (I test software) "Ok. Whatever is best for you." It often feels hard, sometimes feels impossible. But it accomplishes the impossible for me, saying thanks but no thanks to instincts out of control. That's the only problem with my instinct for sex: it doesn't have an off button. It goes out past my instinct for providing for my physical needs, I was often late to work due to pm+ (and if I'd had the balls to pursue selfish sex then I would have been late to work more often) and working half assuredly because I was constantly thinking about sex and would have rather been doing anything sexual instead which makes it hard to get anything done with an obsession like that. It's like there's a hacker in the system I call my mind, piggybacking on a normal necessary program called sex. It is inadvisable for me to rip that program (which stretches through the OS into the firmware to interface in many places with the hardware and is NOT hardware agnostic) out or even shut it down, so how do I get the hacker out?
     
  7. Sex is addictive if it's used like a drug. If you use it only as a mean for your own pleasure, it's just like porn.

    I found about that difference by myself, because I had sex with my wife when I was still an addict. I thought it was all out of love, but now that I'm free I can see the difference. Sex is COMPLETELY different when you're healed. It's all about love, since sex should be reserved only for married couples - the truest form of love.

    Nevertheless, what you feel is what most teens feel. If you want to lose your virginity out of sheer desire, well, you suck. Be stronger than your desires. Fight it off and wait for your real love. Don't be another sucker who loses his virginity because "everyone does that".
     
  8. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    No. Plus, you're too young to be here. The founder of nofap himself don't recomand this behaviour if you're less then 18.
     
  9. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    There is nothing more important for a young man than to find a woman that will accept him, that is what he wants, to prove to himself and others that he is a real man,see if he can be with a woman. Face the fear and the unknown.
    That is how boys become men, they do things that make them men.
    And you say he sucks because he wants to be a man? What?
    You are blind, blinded by your own ignorance. No wonder we have kids that watch porn all day, exactly because people tell them not to go and enjoy sex, shame them for desire that they can not control.
    Shaming kids for wanting to be men....
    Shame on you
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
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  10. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Most people constantly think of shagging.
     
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